It wouldn’t be much of a stretch to say that the former Philadelphia 76ers mascot, Hip Hop, was the most hated mascot in NBA history. Created in the 90s as a hip, edgy alternative to match the aggressive style of the NBA, Hip Hop was a complete misfire from Day 1. Sort of resembling Donnie Darko’s Frank if he’d been played by Channing Tatum, Hip Hop was finally ousted by the team last season after fans complained incessantly. Not about the team’s struggles, but the mascot. Outstanding.

So now the team has released three possible replacements for Hip Hop, and from the image above, you can see that they are perfect. That is, if they were picking mascots to also be replaced in a few years. Regardless, the team is now allowing fans to choose between “Big Ben”, “B. Franklin Dogg” and “Phil E. Moose.”

“A new era is beginning for the Philadelphia 76ers under new ownership and we welcome Philadelphia sports fans helping us to select the new Sixers mascot,” Sixers CEO Adam Aron said. “Jim Henson’s Creature Shop has done an outstanding job in giving Philadelphia fans three heart-warming characters to embrace.

“It’s un-American not to like B. Franklin Dogg, who after all is man’s best friend. With his great height, Phil E. Moose is a natural who can stand tall defending and cheering the Sixers as they take on all comers. And then there is lovable, venerable Big Ben, perhaps the greatest Philadelphian of all time.”

(Via NBC Philadelphia)

Help the Sixers fan pick their poison after the jump.

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As Eric Freeman of the excellent Ball Don’t Lie points out, there are positive and negative aspects to being 7-foot-6. On the negative side, even mundane, day-to-day activities like buying clothes, walking through doorways, sitting in cars and fitting into pre-19th century buildings become impossibilities. There are a few positives, though, like being able to make millions of dollars for a couple of years as a basketball player, and that when a Monstar steals your talent all he’s really stolen is your ability to be tall (and you’re still that, you didn’t shrink) so you’re more-or-less unharmed.

Being that tall also, as we’re learning today, makes stories about people stealing your special tall-people things super, super sad.

Last Friday, someone burglarized the barn on [former basketball star Shawn] Bradley’s property. The only item that was taken was a bicycle made specially for him in 2006.

“Whether you’re 7 feet 6 inches or normal height, stealing someone’s bike is low,” an upset Bradley said Wednesday. [...]

After Bradley retired from the NBA in 2006, the 7-foot-6 center said he needed to find a way to keep the weight off. Trek made a bicycle just for him.

A bicycle made just for him.

Ignoring the fact that Shawn Bradley has a barn to house his special bicycle like he’s Pee-wee Herman and ignoring the fact that somebody broke onto an NBA millionaire’s property and all he took was his special 8-feet-tall megacycle, how f**king sad is this. It gets even worse when you read his follow-up, which sounds exactly like a five-year old explaining why this particular stolen big wheel is the biggest deal ever — he namedrops his brother. His BROTHER.

“My brother is 6 feet 10 inches and he can’t ride it,” Bradley said.

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In West Philadelphia, born and raised, Will Smith now spends most of his days building Scientology schools – although he’s not a member – and throwing Marc Anthony awesome birthday parties at Miami Dolphins games. But much like Captain Steven Hiller, Smith is here to save the world, and of course by world I mean a NBA franchise. Smith and his wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, have purchased a minority share of the Philadelphia 76ers.

I can only pray to live in a world when a black man can one day purchase a majority. WELCOME TO EARFF, BILLBOARD!

According to CSN Philly, the couple acquired part of the team as it was being sold from Comcast-Spectacor to a group of investors led by multibillionaire Joshua Harris. Harris held a press conference at the Palestra on Tuesday morning to announce the plans of the team’s new ownership. “It is an honor to become part of this storied franchise. We have a lot of work to do, but we have a rich history, a strong foundation and a bright future,” says Harris.

And despite the fact that the lockout prohibits contact between owners and players, guard Evan Turner is already stoked about Smith’s purchase without even meeting the star of Wild Wild West.

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NBA journeyman Armen Gilliam died on Wednesday at the age of 47. He had a heart attack while playing a pick-up game of basketball at his local LA Fitness in Collier Township, probably the least “LA” place in the United States. They rushed him to a hospital, where they declared him dead.

Stat recaps are never a fun thing to do when someone dies too young, but they’re a heart-in-the-right-place way of lining up a man’s public accomplishments and saying “hey, this is what he did, and you can remember him for it”. He was a former No. 2 overall pick of the Phoenix Suns in 1987 and played for nearly everyone at one point or another, the Charlotte Hornets, Philadelphia 76ers, New Jersey Nets, Milwaukee Bucks and Utah Jazz. His first name used to be “Armon”, but he changed it. He retired in 2000 after 13 seasons of being “The Hammer”, a nickname given to him for his powerful, physical style of play and because it was a great pun.

He was never a superstar, so we’re allowed to let the people who knew him best make their own eulogies.

“I’m all shook up,” former UNLV coach Jerry Tarkanian told the Las Vegas Sun today. “He was such a great person. He would take the shirt of his back for you.”

I think that’s the kind of legacy I’d like to leave.

Miami Heat 97, Philadelphia 76ers 91 (Series: 4-1 MIA)

Prior to last night’s series-clinching win over the 76ers, LeBron James said that he and the Heat were ready to finish their breakfast. After the Heat won, LeBron said he’s ready for lunch. Here’s the thing about these food analogies – the 76ers weren’t exactly a pushover. So if Philly was a plate of waffles, then the Boston Celtics, who swept their “breakfast” handily, are going to be lobsters stuffed with tacos. Too bad the Heat didn’t sign Eddy Curry or they’d be on to their midnight snack by now.

But this isn’t about upcoming matchups – and let’s chill out with the “greatest second round matchup in history” chatter I saw on Twitter last night. Andre Iguodala finally showed up and combined for 44 points with Elton Brand, as their young teammates continued to show promise. But the Three Burger Kings combined for 64 and Mario Chalmers chipped in another 20 so there wasn’t much of a chance for Philly. But on a purely entertainment level, this was a fun series with a lot of fight from Philly.

P.S. – Nice dunk at the end by Dwyane Wade. Call it whatever you want, but I’m very superstitious when it comes to sports so here’s to hoping Wade isn’t, because sports karma exists and she’s a fickle whore.

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I’m only recapping yesterday’s games, despite the fact that Saturday’s games were great. Holy choke job, Dallas. Maybe if Mark Cuban spent less time Tweeting about Shark Tank and more time keeping an eye on his team, the Mavericks wouldn’t be coached like an all-girls AAU squad. Also, good job, Pacers. It was nice to see a few teams show some balls and stand their ground… *stares at Carmelo Anthony*. Anyway, here’s a non-biased and semi-coherent look back at Sunday’s NBA Playoffs action.

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