For those of you who don’t own the 2013 With Leather Calendar of Things You Probably Shouldn’t Know Exist*, May is National Masturbation Month, or as millions of men around the world call it – May. Naturally, there are special interest groups out there who have made it a collective goal to help both men and women understand that stroking the pickle and flicking the bean is nothing to be ashamed of.

So how do you spread this sticky philosophy? By organizing a month-long Masturbate-A-Thon in Philadelphia, naturally. The folks at ScrewSmart and Pleasure Rush! have established a CrowdRise fundraiser to help raise $3,000 during May in order to pay for a climactic (pun intended) event on May 27. Known as the Creamium!, this party will honor those who gave their forearms an extra special workout this month.

Read the rest of this entry »

As a resident of Austin, TX, I don’t like to throw shade at hipsters. I think hipsters are great. Without hipsters we wouldn’t have so many niche coffee shops, high-end thrift stores, festivals with taco cannons or vegan food trucks. I think “hipster” gets thrown around too liberally, and is a catch-all for squares. Don’t like how somebody looks? Are they different from you? HIPSTER. GET HIM.

That said, I have prepared a dark world of shade to throw at CAT BIKE GUY, the Philadelphia resident with a GoPro camera and a desire to be a living, breathing ‘Portlandia’ joke. Here’s the quick checklist:

1. Ironic mustache
2. Pabst Blue Ribbon sticker on his helmet (no, seriously)
3. rides his bike everywhere
4. makes his housecat sit on his shoulders while he rides his bike everywhere so he can be the Cat Bike Guy
5. quirky soundtrack accompanying him at all times

All he needs is a really tall bike and some clunky glasses without lenses and he’s hipstered as hard as he can. That poor cat. When Cat Bike Guy stops, the cat should just leap for it and bail.

[via Reddit]

Say what you will about the Phillie Phanatic, but he’s got fantastic taste in women.

Here’s a clip (thanks to Sports Crackle Pop, by way of Philly Barstool) of the greatest and most important of all sports mascots crashing a traffic forecast to briefly discuss the 2013 Philadelphia Phillies season before noticing that Kacie McDonnell is amazing and going in for a kiss. The result? Kacie McDonnell has a boyfriend now, and he is a blood red Galapagos bird.

I’ve never met the red version of the Phanatic, but I HAVE been kissed on the face his green equivalent, for telling him I had the The Phillie Phanatic Goes Hollywood DVD. Maybe I shouldn’t meet the red one. I feel like he should be enraged and hyper-violent or something.

(I’d like to meet Kacie, too.)
(I need to know about the traffic.)

After a few weeks of writing about shows me and three other people in the world like (Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers, Boy Meets World, et al.), we decided to dedicate a Sports On TV column to a show the entire UPROXX network loves — ‘It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia,’ FX’s delightfully cruel comedy that has its own page of recaps and commenter badges on the UPROXX mothership.

The show’s use of Philadelphia is at least as comprehensive as ‘The Wire’s’ use of Baltimore, and all of the important Philly area teams and icons have made an appearance on the show … the Eagles, the Flyers, the Phillies, the Phillie Phanatic. ‘It’s Always Sunny’ also launched the worldwide popularity of GREEN MAN, who you may know as “that a-hole in the morphsuit at any sporting event.” It’s an important thing they’re doing, so we’re here to talk about it.

Things we have to apologize for in advance: crude language, situations meant for mature audiences and getting the “Flipadelphia” song stuck in your head again.

Read the rest of this entry »

This week’s Sports On TV covers another show people have been requesting since the column’s inception: ‘Boy Meets World,’ the long-running TGIF staple that asked, “if Fred Savage can have a successful television show, shouldn’t his little brother have one as well?”

‘Boy Meets World’ ran for seven seasons from 1993 to 2000 on ABC, and now’s a better time than ever to look back on the show’s 158 episodes. Why? Take it away, Wikipedia!

On the last installment of Sports On TV, we tackled ‘The Wire’, a romanticized look at inner-city life and law in Baltimore, Maryland. If we drive an hour, then get into a fight on a basketball court and fly across the country, we’ll be ready for ‘The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air’, the 1990s sitcom that launched rapper Will Smith into mega movie stardom and gave ‘Silver Spoons’ star Alfonso Ribeiro an awesome paycheck for like seven years.

‘The Fresh Prince’ is one of my sentimental favorites (as longtime readers of The Dugout may know), so I was excited to tackle its 20 Greatest Sports Moments. I got something like 15 just from season 1 guest stars. Biggest possible thanks goes to Josh Koebert for helping me out with the images. Follow him on Twitter, he deserves your love for making this happen.

You’re probably already singing the theme song in your head, so let’s make this happen. The 20 greatest sports moment of ‘The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air’.

/high-five
/pshhhh

Read the rest of this entry »