Hot off of David Stern’s remarks about the Orlando Magic’s poor play and his expectations of silence, Stan Van Gundy is being dragged a little further through the proverbial mud today, as a new Sports Illustrated poll of 138 NBA players declares him far and away the most annoying coach in the NBA. Nearly 90 of the players admitted that when they are playing the Magic, StanVan drives them crazier than any other coach in the league. Phil Jackson and Scott Skiles tied for second with 7%.

When asked for comment, David Stern declined and continued thanking the 90 players that stopped by his office to collect money that he owed them for “something totally different”.

Additional fun notes from SI’s survey include:

Two coaches who left their teams midseason received votes: Larry Brown of the Bobcats (2%) and Jerry Sloan of the Jazz (1%)…. Sloan, Brown and Jackson all are among the top six alltime in NBA coaching wins…. Two non–head coaches, Celtics assistant Lawrence Frank and Bobcats majority owner Michael Jordan, received one vote apiece…. The Pistons’ John Kuester is tied for the lead among NBA coaches with eight technicals but received no votes; Van Gundy’s seven techs tie him for third.

Now I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this before, but I’m a bit of a Magic fan, and I just want to take this opportunity to slam my fists against the table and yell to the world in a fiery rage… I agree. Seriously, Stan annoys the hell out of me. On and off the court. I wish SI surveyed the entire league so the number could be higher.

Things are not going well for the back-to-back NBA champion Los Angeles Lakers, as an embarrassing 104-85 loss to the Memphis Grizzlies last night has some people believing that the wheels are falling off in Smog City. The Lakers, still in first place in the Western Conference’s Pacific Division with an 8-game lead, have attracted naysayers in the wake of Phil Jackson and Kobe Bryant swapping blame after losing to the Griz. Phil says that Kobe wasn’t sharing while Kobe says that Phil doesn’t concentrate on each game. And Ron Artest said that the purple dove flies solo in the Eskimo sundance.

Regarding the 19-point home loss to the 15-19 Grizzlies, Jackson said…

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"Oh I'll make you stay, baby. I'll make you stay good."

While LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh and the rest of the free agent class are wooed by horny GMs, three playoff teams have since solidified their coaching concerns. Doc Rivers informed the Boston Celtics that he’ll stick around another year, while the Cleveland Cavaliers hired Byron Scott after falling flat on other coaching pursuits. But the man of the hour is 11-time NBA champion Phil Jackson (pictured above with his ladyfriend Jeanie Buss), who has confirmed that he will coach the Los Angeles Lakers for at least one more year. Meanwhile, the Minnesota Timberwolves are very interested in bringing Red Auerbach out of retirement.

Jackson’s announcement contrasts a previous claim by his daughter Chelsea that he was done coaching. This makes her the second worst family member at predicting retirement, ranked far behind Brett Favre’s eight-month-old niece Violet. What kind of inside scoop is “potty poopy pee” anyway?

Someone grab a shovel and fuel the hyperbole machine for the L.A. Times’ Bill Plaschke:

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UPDATE: Phil Jackson told ESPN this afternoon that he is leaning toward retiring now, but has yet to make up his peaceful mind. There were no other details, unfortunately, so you’ll just have to imagine him surrounded by big-breasted strippers for a more awesome effect.

While Phil Jackson is kicking back, relaxing and having his big toe fitted for a new NBA Championship ring, he is pondering his coaching future as the deadline for his promise to the Los Angeles Lakers nears. Jackson told his team and the media that he would have a decision on whether or not he will coach the Lakers – or at all – by June 27. But it seems that his daughter, Chelsea, may have missed that memo. In the upcoming issue of Sports Illustrated, Jackson’s daughter says she thinks “this is it. I think he’s done.” A comment that my girlfriend also makes between 9:01 and 9:03 nightly.

Jackson had been linked to nearly every coaching vacancy throughout the NBA Playoffs and Finals, leading up to his 11th NBA Championship as the Lakers defeated the Boston Celtics in seven games. However, the Zen Master constantly maintained that his two options were clear – remain with the Lakers or retirement. Chelsea’s comments contradict previous remarks made by her father, mainly that he would likely continue coaching, but she also promised to stop asking for a pony if he retired.

Paint us a picture of a man and a sunset, Sports Illustrated:

He recognizes, even after 11 of these things, that each one could be his last. Jackson has said that he’ll decide this week whether to return to the Lakers. “I think this is it,” Chelsea says. “I think he’s done now.”

Really, what is the difference between 11 championships and 12, between three threepeats and a fourth? Jackson eclipsed Red Auerbach’s record of nine titles last year. He could walk away on his two artificial hips and his bum left knee and be thankful the damage from a career spent in the gym was not worse. This seems like the time, with his contract up and owner Jerry Buss threatening to slice his $12 million salary.

Jackson has mentioned retirement as far back as 1996, so his looming decision could go either way. Unlike his old days with the Chicago Bulls, though, his health is the main factor this time. As his champion Lakers threw a parade and celebrated with their fans, Jackson was visiting his physician about his hips and knees. Fun fact: Jackson’s artificial hips are made from Red Auerbach’s old rings.

However, daughter of the Lakers’ owner Jerry Buss and Jackson’s girlfriend, Jeanie Buss, told reporters that she thinks he will hold off retirement to remain with the Lakers, citing his health as the only reason he wouldn’t stay. Upon hearing this, Jackson’s daughter responded, “WHATEVER! I HATE YOU! YOU’RE NOT MY MOTHER!”

Just in case you were abducted and forced to get high, the Los Angeles Lakers defeated the Boston Celtics in Game 7 of the NBA finals 83-79. Ron Artest won his first title since going platinum going gold he was drafted in 1999. He had 20 points and 5 steals in Game 7. The post-game interview he did with Doris Burke is TV gold. 24 karats of Ron Ron goodness after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

Tonight is the Yom Kippur of the NBA season, because at 9 PM EST, the Boston Celtics and Los Angeles Lakers will play one last game to settle the NBA Championship. Boston in the Finals means one thing: insufferable douche bags. And it just wouldn’t be a Game 7 if the most insufferable of all douche bags didn’t put in his two cents. Gimmie what ya got, Dane Cook.

“I heard Phil Jackson said the Celtics are a team that loses in the fourth quarter. Well, the Lakers are gonna be a team that loses the championship.” –NBA Off Season

You really showed him, Dane. Please, go back to jumping around like a jackass instead of writing actual material. Speaking of jackasses, Laker fans refuse to let Bostonians one-up their douche-baggery. Various high-ranking LA government officials have already issued a statement to the Detroit LA ‘faithful’, who have been known to have a penchant for destruction. Read the rest of this entry »