It’s good to know that some people out there are idolizing baseball greatest heroes.  Guys who played the game the right way, like Mickey Mantle and Pete Rose.  Because when I’m getting some expensive and permanent artwork done to the canvas that is my skin, I want to honor drunks and degenerate gamblers.  That’s why I got portraits of my mom and dad.

Big League Stew spoke to Mike, DeVries, the artist responsible for the Pete Rose and Nightmare Mantle.  DeVries spent 7-8 hours each inking these on a couple of friends.

I’m sorry, I can’t continue this story any more.  Mantle is creeping me the F out.  I hope that’s a leg and not a forearm.  I couldn’t imagine that on my forearm.  If you went to bed with your arm anywhere near your head he’d whisper drunken threats of violence to you all night.

As first revealed in a recent ESPN article, Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez and and all-time hits leader/MLB outcast Pete Rose have an unusual friendship: they regularly text message each other.

Rose has served as an electronic hitting coach of sorts for Rodriguez since the two met at a Las Vegas mall in January of 2006. Rodriguez sat with Rose while Rose signed autographs, asking about Rose's career, and when he left, A-Rod said, "Text me – let's talk hitting." [...]

During the 2006 season, Rodriguez lost Rose's cell phone number and they finally reconnected while A-Rod was in a slump. Rose texted: "See if you can knock the pitcher's head off. Go the other way. Pete." A-Rod homered twice and singled in the next game. Rose texted: "You're coachable, brother. Pete."

Dawwww that's sweet.  Of course, Rose lives in Las Vegas, so you'd think maybe he could do a better job of coming through on advice for which kinds of strippers to take home.  Actually, I could probably give that advice out, too.  Step 1: Make sure she looks like a woman.  Once A-Rod mastered that one, we could move on to Step 2.

I'll be honest: there's not really a point to doing any kind of work the rest of the day once you've focused on any kind of bikini world record.

But this video from SuperDeluxe is a nice distraction: it's original, and funny enough that I don't have to add any jokes to this useless description of it.  Which is good, because it's not like my jokes are ever funny anyway.  Well, except the ones about retards.  But I think retards should get the bulk of the credit for that.

Donald Trump is rounding up famous people for the first installment of "Celebrity Apprentice," and like most "celebrity" reality shows it will feature people whose careers are already in the shitter or moving quickly in that direction.  And there's a surprising number of sports figures on the list.  Page Six writes:

In the meantime, Trump says he's already signed an eye-popping list of A-listers, B-listers and has-beens to be subjected to his notorious "You're Fired" treatment.  They include: Jim Cramer, Carmen Electra, Joan Rivers, Naomi Judd, George Foreman, original "Apprentice" villain Amorosa, Kimora Lee Simmons, Pete Rose, Dana Patrick, Tony Hawk and Jeff Gordon.

Of course, it's not Amorosa but Omarosa.  And "Dana" Patrick is probably race car driver Danica Patrick, although I suppose it could be Dan Patrick, who has some free time these days.  Whatever, man, it's Page Six.  You want them to give you gossip AND spell names correctly?  Well, Your Majesty, you can take your extra 75 cents and buy a New York Times if you think copy editing is so fucking special.

My money's on Kimora Lee Simmons.  She already knows that the way to get a start in business is to fuck someone with a lot of money.  So unless Carmen Electra puts out for Trump or Danica Patrick learns how to give lap dances, the competition is pretty much over.

From the newly launched MLB FanHaus comes this 1970s Aqua Velva ad featuring Pete Rose and some broad he probably shtupped 10 minutes after the shoot wrapped.

Hmm… sounds pretty convincing, but I would have rather he said, "It's got bits of real Pete Rose, so you know it's good."

On that note, after the jump is the only clip that could possibly accompany this one. 

Related: Mr. Irrelevant with some solid nightmare fuel. 

While making an appearance on Letterman, Pete Rose admitted to using greenies during his playing days to cut weight, which makes sense. He's kind of a fatty.

Wait a sec, why the fuck is this even a story? EVERYONE used greenies. And why did Letterman even have this parasite on his show? There wasn't anyone more relevant available? Couldn't they have gotten someone from the cast of The Surreal Life? You can't tell me Charo was busy. Whichever security guard let this guy on the set should be fired.

I'm not for or against Pete Rose getting reinstated into baseball; I just want whichever shuts him up. Paris Hilton giving the keynote speech at the Paris Hilton Is Great convention would be less irritating.