Last week, we covered the bratty San Francisco Giants fan who was showered with riches for being a brat and several similar instances of grown-ups acting like babies and jerks and getting away with it. That trend continues today with one of the most hilarious and disappointing examples of baseball fans having the maturity and self-control of Angelica Pickles. Watch as “Brian chases Pete Rose to get an autograph for the first time”.

The YouTube description:

After my success of trying and getting Bryce Harper to sign my (previously signed) Mickey Mantle baseball, I traveled to Cooperstown, NY to try and meet the elite ball players, The Hall of Famers. In travels, I stopped at a local restaurant and was actually seated close to Pete Rose’s table. I was definately surprised to see that THE PETE ROSE was in Cooperstown (Since he is not a Hall of Famer). I politely approached him after he was finished eating and as he exited the restaurant. Here is my documentation of the event.

And here’s what actually happened — Brian approached Pete Rose for an autograph and appeared to be politely turned down … so he turned around and stomped off, but not before ANGRILY THROWING HIS BASEBALL INTO THE WOODS. The ball with Bryce Harper’s autograph?

The worst part of this is that Brian (or someone who likes Brian) decided to upload this to YouTube because you need validation that a celebrity is an asshole when they don’t do exactly what you want. Sorry, guy, but watching you huff and puff and destroy your own toys makes me want to see Pete turn around and plow through you like you were Ray Fosse. I understand how disappointing it can be. I waited for two hours in the cold after a Jenny Lewis concert to try and meet her, and all she did was walk by and dismiss me. It sucked, but at no point did I stomp my copy of Acid Tongue and throw it at her bus. Because I’m a nerd, but I’m an adult nerd. Big difference.

What Brian should’ve done was tell Pete he would have to live with the consequence of the act.

[h/t Off the Bench]

Pete Rose has engaged in a variety of acts which have stained the game, and he must now live with the consequences of those acts. He’s started admitting his mistakes, but I’m not sure he’s got a handle on the whole “living with the consequences” part. In a story that can only exist in a world where a peaceful God enjoys reading The Dugout, eternally-banned baseball hit king Pete Rose wants back into the game, and he’s going in head first like … uh, himself.

“I want to be a manager, that’s the only role,” Rose told the crowd at Ohio Justice and Policy Center gala. “But I’m running out of time. I want to teach young players.”

Rose announced his intentions to the attendees of the Ohio Justice and Policy Center gala, who last time I checked are not in charge of any baseball teams. It’s sort of like Brett Favre showing up at a local high school, zipping up his Wranglers and mentioning that he wants to be the commissioner of football and own a large horse.

“I don’t go to many banquets where I sit with the judge that sent me to prison,” the hit king and keynote speaker said, drawing laughter from the 300 people in attendance. “I’m not bitter at anybody. I made the mistake.”

He then added, “C’mon, Paulie, roll a dice. Take a chance!”

Personally I think Pete should be in the Hall of Fame and that what he did wrong barely matters in the grand scheme of spousal stabbings and drunk drivings in modern sports, but sorry, Pete, the only guy who could take back the whole “you’re banned forever from everything, deal with it” died before you started owning up.

Jeez, Pete. What’s up with that jacket. Did you lose a bet? Via.

So there’s a story floating around today about how baseball legends Pete Rose and Joe Dimaggio
went to Vietnam, which sounds like the opening of a joke. Since it involves Pete Rose, in a way, it is.

And Joe says, ‘Man, I’ve gotta take a shower.’ I said, ‘Joe, we’re out in the middle of the jungle, what do you mean you’ve got to take a shower?’ He said, ‘I don’t give a damn, I’m Joe D and I’ve gotta take a shower.’ And the only way you can take a shower, Mike, is they have these big bamboo bags, like, and somebody’s got to get on a chair and pour the water and pull a rawhide thing and the water comes through and the guy takes a shower. So I saw everything that Marilyn Monroe saw. Now, when I tell people the best way to describe Joe DiMaggio, he was a penis with a man hanging from it. … Does that give you a better perspective?”

–Sports Radio Interviews, via Povia.Tumblr.

That’s news to us, especially after seeing this photo. Marilyn Monroe was nailing the president for a reason, although she didn’t give head nearly as well as Lee Harvey Oswald.

I was always a big Pete Rose fan, so naturally I was bent out of shape when he agreed to a lifetime ban from baseball in 1989. But now Deadspin is reporting that a baseball memorabilia collector has X-ray’d one of the Hit King’s bats to confirm or deny rumors that the bat had actually been corked. And it was.

[Collector] Bill Schubert wasn’t sure what he was expecting. Sure, he had heard the rumors about Pete corking. He didn’t necessarily believe them; he didn’t disbelieve them either. But he certainly didn’t expect to see what he saw.

“I thought that I’d have to send the X-rays off to an expert to tell me if they saw anything funny,” Schubert says. “But as soon as we saw it, there it was, right in front of our eyes. I said, ‘That’s cork in there.’ I was blown away.”

It is, indisputably, cork. And with an unbroken chain of ownership, no one but Rose could have put the cork there. –Barry Petchesky.

Does this put a damper on Rose’s career record of 4,256 hits? Yeah, it does. Whether corking a bat gives a hitter an advantage or not, it’s still against the rules. That said, it’s hard to strip someone of credibility when he had so little at this point. He bet on his own games while managing the Reds, he lied about it, and now this. He’ll still be one of the all-time great players, but he’ll never be one of the all-time great people. At least that’s what my mother would say, right before she wandered into the basement for another hit of meth.

I didn’t see Brüno, so I didn’t realize that this scene with Pete Rose didn’t make the final cut of the film. Rose is still banned from baseball, but apparently not banned from interactions with people pretending to be gay Austrians–or “faux-mos,”–if you will. I guess the studio released this clip to generate some buzz for the DVD release. Which studio? Great question. You go ahead and check that out and get back to me. –First Cuts.