Houston Texans cornerback Kareem Jackson is in some moral hot water this week, as his vacation to the Dominican Republic took a turn for the moronic after he Tweeted pictures of himself at a cockfight. While cockfighting is perfectly legal in the Dominican, that doesn’t relieve Jackson of the scrutiny he will face back here within the moral fabric of the U.S. of A. And he should be scrutinized because he’s a professional athlete, a prominent figure in his community, he makes more than $3 million a year (with more than $10 million of his contract guaranteed) and countless other athletes and celebrities have paved the way with their own forms of stupidity with animals. Has Richard Gere taught us nothing?

So what were the Tweets that have brought this attention to the guy who had 71 tackles and 2 interceptions in his rookie year for one of the NFL’s worst defenses?

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The McCann Ad Agency in Mumbai recently released the above ad for Shivam handloom deep sleep mattresses, which shows a sleeping Tiger Woods dreaming of a bevy of provocatively dressed white women. There’s also an unconscious cameraman, which references Tiger hitting cameraman Mark Pain in the face with a chip shot at the 2010 Ryder Cup (which also gave us this famous image).

But this isn’t the first time that Tiger’s likeness has been used in clever marketing campaigns. Last year, PETA tried to capitalize on his sex scandal with a billboard emphasizing the importance of spaying and neutering pets near his home in Windermere, Florida. While that campaign was scrapped at the request of Tiger’s lawyers, a few others, including Shivam’s mattress ad, have made their way into the mainstream.

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As the Florida Marlins continue to design the nuances and luxuries of their new $515 million Miami Ballpark, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals have taken issue with the team’s decision to place two giant aquariums – featuring live exotic fish – behind home plate. In a letter to Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria, PETA implores the Marlins to instead use artwork or technology to showcase ocean life. Perhaps a Snorks DVD box set would make our favorite tree-huggers happy.

The aquariums were announced last week, and they have been designed using high impact bullet-proof glass so that errant foul balls don’t lead to the fish being spilled into the stands or the field. PETA representatives insist that the strength of the glass isn’t the problem, as much as the unnatural environment that will surround them.

Tap on our glass casings to stir up terror, Miami Herald:

“Being exposed to the loud crowds, bright lights, and reverberations of a baseball stadium would be stressful and maddening for any large animals held captive in tanks that, to them, are like bathtubs,” wrote PETA executive vice president Tracy Reiman in the letter.

But PETA said the Marlins should explore alternatives, such as “artist-designed aquariums full of beautiful blown-glass animals,” “high-definition plasma screens showing underwater footage of sea animals,” and even “robotic fish that can ‘swim’ through water.”

Loud crowds. Marlins stadium. It’s clear that PETA has its pulse on the attendance figures of Major League Baseball these days. Reiman added that he hopes the Marlins leave these animals in the ocean “right where they belong.” As the Marlins currently have no intentions of changing their plans, Marlins President David Samson called the matter a philosophical issue, and stated that the animals they use will be treated great, possibly even better than those in the ocean.

And you know what, PETA? He might have a point.

Yesterday there was a big to-do about PETA’s proposed Super Bowl ad that was banned for being “too racy.”  And now PETA is prolonging the attention it aches for alone at night by talking about the details of their racy ad, and how racy and sexy it was, et cetera.

PETA said: “PETA’s ad – which features a bevy of beauties who are powerless to resist the temptation of veggie love – was deemed too hot for the Super Bowl.

“NBC rejected the video because of concerns over ‘rubbing pelvic region with pumpkin’ and a woman ‘screwing herself with broccoli’.”

Whatever.  “Studies show vegetarians have better sex.”  Uh huh.  Well, a recent poll shows that most studies are bullshit, while a survey I took says PETA is a bunch of manipulative extremist assholes hell-bent on pushing their agenda at the expense of civil liberties.  So there.  You can twist academic findings to mean anything.  Hell, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

[Awful Announcing]

PETA literally does nothing all day but send crackpot letters to organizations in the hope that some wire service makes a story about it, and one recent letter was crazy enough to garner the attention which PETA so desperately craves.  Specifically, the organization has asked that Palm Beach Atlantic University — and no, I’ve never heard of it, either — change its teams’ names from Sailfish to Sea Kittens.  Why?  Because they’re assholes.  Duh.

In a letter sent Wednesday to PBAU President Dr. David Clark, PETA urged the school to change its mascot from the Sailfish to Sea Kitten “to reflect the gentle nature of its current marine namesake.” The suggested name change is meant to promote empathy for fish and other marine animals, PETA said in a news release.

“If Sailfish became Sea Kitten and everyone in town started calling fish sea kittens, fewer of these gentle animals would be violently killed for food, painfully hooked for sport or cruelly confined to aquariums,” said PETA’s “Save the Sea Kittens” campaign coordinator Ashley Byrne.

Yeah, and maybe if you called my “fist” a “love tenderizer” your face won’t hurt so bad after I beat the shit out of you for needlessly raising my blood pressure.  That’s fried food’s job!

(via SbB)