Back in 1992, McDonald’s put bacon and barbecue sauce on a quarter-pounder with cheese and called it the ‘McJordan,’ because (according to the ad campaign), bacon, barbecue sauce and the other mustards and horse meats that go into making a quarter-pounder with cheese were Michael Jordan’s “favorite ingredients”. The promotion came and went, but it was not forgotten. You can’t just put your own bacon and barbecue sauce on a quarter-pounder, these are Michael Jordan’s FAVORITE INGREDIENTS and that dude was a PRO STAR, not to mention the greatest basketball player of all time. Some people were left craving McDonald’s unique blend of herbs and chemicals, unable to satiate their incredibly specific hungers. It’s just gone. Hell, I know how they feel. I was all about the Arch Deluxe for the however-many months that thing was around.

The story here should be, “hey, remember a cheeseburger from 20 years ago,” but some people never give up on their dreams. 20 full years later, a man has placed a winning bid on eBay of $9,995 for a jug of authentic McJordan barbecue sauce. Keep hope alive!

Who knows if that’s even McJordan barbecue sauce? Some Internet stranger could’ve made 10 grand putting George Foreman grill drainings into a service jug. Regardless, the bid has been placed, and somewhere, somehow, an assumedly super, super fat guy is accurately recreating something that was better than the McRib, but worse than literally all other food.

The funny thing is that Jordan didn’t even EAT the McJordan. He was a Big Mac man. Proof:

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I don’t usually consider a day complete unless I learn something new, and if that’s the case, today is an overwhelming success. Forgive my ignorance, but apparently there’s a retailer in Britain named Ann Summers, and the company specializes in, among other things, vibrators. Vibrators, as you may know, are used by women for self-pleasure when they do not have a sexual partner available. And that completes today’s With Leather Sex Education seminar.

As is the case for so many companies in London – and around the world, I suppose, but mostly London – Ann Summers decided to take advantage of the 2012 Summer Olympics being in its back yard, and yesterday the company rolled out a very special tribute to the 15,000+ athletes competing in the London games – a 24K gold vibrator. Wanna buy it? Get out your f*cking check book.

The adult store have released a new sex toy made from 24-karat gold. But you might need the salary of an elite athlete in order to afford one as it comes with a price tag of £10,000.

The vibrator, called the Lelo Inez, was on display at Ann Summer’s Westfield Stratford store by the Olympic Park today. Soldiers drafted in to work at the London Games were amongst those curious to get a look at the sex toy which was being as closely guarded as an Olympic gold medal thanks to its high value. (Via The Daily Mail or whoever wrote it first)

That’s roughly $15,000, in case you’re unfamiliar with the exchange rate for dollars and pounds. I was, so I looked it up, and then I spit my coffee all over the place and screamed, “FOR A F*CKING VIBRATOR?!?!” I mean, that costs more than what most medal winners will earn for competing.

But hey, who am I to deny a woman’s Olympic spirit? Especially if she’s willing to let me watch her celebrate the Olympics. Settle down, it’s cool, we’re perverts.

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What do you do if you’re one of the most popular professional golfers in America and you have $110,000 burning a hole in your pocket? According to Golf.com’s Press Tent, you spend it on the original “Dukes of Hazard” General Lee Dodge Charger, of course. At least that’s what Bubba Watson did over the weekend at a car auction in Scottsdale, Arizona, or as I like to call it – the city that is home to my very racist aunt.

Watson was elated when he made his purchase as he quickly took to Twitter to post a picture of him with his new pride and joy, calling it his “dream car.”

AutoBlog.com also justified Watson’s purchase, declaring it the most famous TV car in the world.

What’s “the most famous television car in the world”? We suppose that depends on who you ask, but to many, nothing but the General Lee could possibly hold the title. Of course, there wasn’t just one General Lee. In fact, scores of orange Dodge Chargers were filmed for “The Dukes of Hazzard,” and most of them never survived their first televised escapade.

And that’s where we’re going to agree to disagree, because I would gladly put KITT and the A*Team van over the General Lee any day. Hell, I’d argue that Becky Belding’s Mazda Miata was more important because it helped bring Jessie Spano together with her stepbrother Eric, but to each his own, I suppose.

There is one little problem that Watson may face down the road, and that’s resale value. This General Lee – the very first actual Charger used in the pilot episode of Dukes – spent most of its life in a junkyard because it was trashed after the first jump. And despite completely restoring it to perfect running order, the original owner was expecting almost a half million dollars for his effort.

But hey, if it makes Watson happy, then who are we to judge? One little request, though: Watson should make his caddy legally change his name to Cooter. And hire Natalie Gulbis to play Daisy Duke. That would be swell.

I saw this story earlier in the week and forgot to mention it because I was more concerned with the liberty and freedom of Vancouver’s Green Men, but someone recently purchased a Wayne Gretzky rookie card for $94,163 from an online sports memorabilia auction. It is apparently an incredibly rare, flawless O-Pee-Chee card from 1979, and SCP Auction basically called it the most valuable modern trading card on the planet.

*stares at pile of Jose Canseco Rated Rookies, sighs*

Tampa Bay Lightning 4, Washington Capitals 3 (Series: 3-0 TB)

The Washington Capitals scored three goals in the second period (big deal, football players do that just by kicking the ball) to grab a 3-2 lead over the Lightning heading into the third period. It really looked like Alex Ovechkin and Co. were going to splash some water on the red hot Lightning and climb back into this series. Instead, Caps goalie Michal Neuvirth allowed two goals in the third, which I have been told is not a good strategy.

Tampa’s Steven Stamkos and Ryan Malone scored the tying and game-winning goals, respectively, within 30 seconds of each other and the Lightning have now won 6 straight games as the 5-seed.

Fun Fact: The Lightning are the second most popular sports team in Tampa behind the Buccaneers. The Rays rank 714th.

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In what may be the best story of the year for baseball purists and people who hate Mark Cuban, Nolan Ryan is now the owner of the Texas Rangers. After a long, arduous and embarrassing process, the ownership team of Pittsburgh attorney Chuck Greenberg and the Hall-of-Famer Ryan outbid Cuban and his partner Jim Crane to secure ownership of the Rangers after former owner Tom Hicks famously sank the team into bankruptcy. Hicks has been living in exile since he did, in fact, mess with Texas.

Initially, creditors had asked the court to hold off on yesterday’s auction, because they believed that Ryan’s team was being unfairly favored over other potential bidders. That’s when Cuban stepped in and gained MLB approval to bid. The auction lasted into the early hours this morning, when Cuban finally surrendered to a $385 million cash bid. Despite alleged bickering throughout the auction, Cuban shook Ryan’s hand and ended the auction. Of course, he probably had a booger on his palm.

Tell us where and when the stars are big and bright, USA Today:

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