In today's edition of Ohio or Florida?, a 54-year-old unicycle teacher has been arrested for molesting little girls.

Major Keith Riddick with the Putnam County Sheriff’s Office said the girls’ father hired Daniel Snodgrass to teach his two daughters how to ride a unicycle.

Riddick said 54-year-old Snodgrass, the unicycle teacher, is accused of tying the youngest girl to a bed and sexually abusing her. Snodgrass is also accused of taking pictures of the 9-year-old and 16-year-old sister while they wore lingerie. Snodgrass is also accused of fondling the teenage girl above her clothing.

Yikes.  I've said it before and I'll say it again: everyone who rides a unicycle is a child molester.  It's only legal to make it easier for police to profile sexual predators. 

(Answer: Florida!  Thanks for the tip goes to Camp Tiger Claw)

We all remember Tom Porras, yeah?  KD originally reported on the high school track coach's arrest, then we heard about how he lured a student into his house so he could fondle her and ejaculate on her.  Like any enterprising pedophile, he told his victim his semen was massage oil.  And now he continues his march to justice and freedom:

Amy Nguyen, attorney for Tom Porras, said she will ask Maricopa County Superior Court Judge Helene Abrams at a Dec. 6 hearing to throw out admissions Porras made to police…

Nguyen said in a recent court motion that during a 45-minute interrogation, police pressured Porras "to confess" that he had fondled the student, even though he had invoked his right to remain silent three times. She said her client told police he didn't want to make statements after police read him his Miranda rights to remain silent and have an attorney present.  Despite that, Nguyen said in the motion that police continued to pressure him to talk.

So, he tried to invoke his right to remain silent until he got an attorney, then he confessed before his attorney showed up.  Wow, I'm disappointed.  I always figured that a guy who can lure a 17-year-old girl into his home, fondle her under the pretense of athletic massage, and ejaculate on her would be pretty smart.  

You may remember Tom Porras, the former Arena League quarterback and high school track coach.  He's the guy who invited one of his underage athletes into his home to give her an "athletic massage," then fondled her, ejaculated on her, and told her his semen was massage oil.  Yeah, him.  Great guy.  Hard to forget.  Well, his court battle is underway, and it looks like things could get ugly:

The [victim's mother] came to court expecting to hear that Tom Porras, the fired teacher and part-time coach, had planned to enter a plea agreement, requiring him in part to register as a sex offender and spend 20 years on probation. He would also pay fines and restitution to the victim of up to $10,000.

Instead, Porras' defense attorneys told [the judge] their client "had changed his mind" and asked to set a Nov. 15 hearing to suppress evidence. The lawyers didn't specify what evidence they wanted thrown out, but it could include his confession to Scottsdale police after arrest.

I'm not a defense attorney, but I'd have to think that yeah, your client confessing to the crime would be a good thing to suppress.  Gee, I sure hope that Porras's lawyers can prove his innocence.  Wait, did I say "can prove his innocence"?  I meant "get eaten by bears."  Sorry, I get those two confused all the time.

Tom Porras, the 49-year-old high school track coach and former Arena Football League quarterback pictured here, probably won't be working any time soon: he was fired last week after he invited one of his athletes, a 17-year-old girl, to his home for a private training session.  And what do you know, what he calls "athletic massage" the police call "public sexual indecency and assault."  Eh, potayto, potahto.

[T]he student told police that she trusted Porras, her track coach, and believed that going to his home would make her "a better athlete."  The girl said she knew that other athletes had gone to Porras' home for a massage and to work out with him because he is a personal trainer.

Porras told her to put on her two-piece bathing suit, and led her to a loft where he asked her to sit on an exercise ball.  He massaged her neck and shoulders then asked her to roll onto her stomach.  He fondled her buttocks beneath her bathing suit.  Porras kissed her neck, cheeks and buttocks, and told her that if she had questions about sex, he would answer them.  She declined.

The girl told police she "felt uncomfortable, but didn't know what to do."  She became alarmed when he ejaculated on her. He told her it was massage oil.

Yikes.  Who could have expected this from a man with a mustache?  But I won't judge.  It's like the Bible says: "Let he who has not invited a teenage girl one-third his age into his home and exploited her trust to ejaculate on her cast the first stone."