In case you go to bed early and a sports comedy blog is the first thing you see or hear when you wake up, Osama Bin Laden has been killed by U.S. forces. This should make a lot of people feel much better about not being able to go to a doctor or get married or find a job. Somewhere Prince William is sitting around pissed, kicking his feet, complaining about how he only got like two days to be the most important thing in the world.

Because “dancing on grave of monster” is the only thing anybody’s going to be Googling for today (sorry, Kate), I’ll stand at the bottom of this website and direct you to political stories of interest. Note: whatever you do, don’t search for “Osama” on Twitter. You will die.

Osama Bin Linken

What I Did Instead - Jason Fry knocks it out of the park (baseball reference) with his honest and touching thoughts on 9/11, and how the New York Mets sometimes actually have something to do with something. [Faith and Fear]

Pakistani Man Live Tweets Attack on Bin Laden - He didn’t know what he was doing at the time, but Sohaib Athar of Pakistan (pockiston) accidentally Live Twought about helicopters and bomb blasts in Abbottabad. Read about him, then follow some links and read about a guy who eats tampons. [BroBible]

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Game plan? Well first I'm gonna poke him in the eye LIKE THIS. Then...I dunno, read him AARP magazine?

When you’re a 50-year-old former construction worker with nothing better to do, what’s the best way to spend your time? Become a beacon of hope for overweight weekend warriors by hunting down Osama Bin Laden, of course. The aging Al-Queda terrorist leader has a new worst enemy bent on civil justice and his name is Gary Faulkner. You can laugh at his attempt at capturing one of the most wanted figures in recent world history all by himself, but don’t you dare laugh at his night vision goggles.

Though his weapons are deadly, his motives are not. Faulker just wants to capture Bin Laden so he can be tried for his war crimes. Maybe when he has Osama in his custody they can share a dialysis machine on their way back to America to treat both of their debilitating kidney ailments.

Gary Faulkner said Monday on CBS’ “Early Show” that he got help and inspiration from Americans, Pakistanis and others worldwide. He alluded to being helped in his search by the Pakistani government.

The out-of-work construction worker from Colorado was detained June 13 in the woods of northern Pakistan after being found with a pistol, a sword and night-vision equipment. Faulkner told officials he was out to kill the al-Qaida leader. -Mail.com

I can see where this guy’s coming from. He’s an unemployed 50-year-old with kidney problems who’s on the brink of retirement, why not go out doing something awesome like sneaking onto a Soviet space shuttle (the Russians are still the bad guys, right?) bound for the moon then, as they’re attempting to replace our precious American flag with a fabric of communism, you sneak out with a makeshift astronaut suit and stab them with the moon shank you made out of tin foil and remnants of that weird space-toilet, then carve out U-S-A in the moon’s face for all the world to see for eternity. I’d also leave a pair of my underwear. Read the rest of this entry »