Nike’s World Headquarters Campus near Beaverton, Oregon, has a child day care facility called the Joe Paterno Child Development Center. They aren’t interested in changing the name, but they’re keeping an eye on things.

“Our relationship with Penn State remains unchanged,” Nike said in a statement. “We are deeply disturbed by the claims brought forth in the indictments. We will continue to monitor the situation closely.”

I think the most important question is HOW CLOSELY DO YOU HAVE TO MONITOR THIS? Go ahead, Mark Parker, get right up against your television screen with a magnifying glass and watch Mike McQueary equate “not calling the police when you saw children being raped” to being in a snow globe. My job as a comedy sports blogger is to type sh*t like “well at least they got rid of the Jerry Sandusky statue! I wonder why they built it in the showers! Derp!” but I am not Jay Leno and South Park episodes aside I don’t think any of this is funny. It’s f**ked up. The closest the situation should be monitored is Nike hearing “Penn State child sex scandal” ONCE. This isn’t Tiger Woods sleeping with strippers, it isn’t some gossip game for TMZ to capitalize and emphasize at will; this is a dark, scarring, systematically-abusive belch of humanity.

The worst part is that the irony of the title is less inappropriate than Nike reenacting Penn State’s stance on the scandal. The abuse to these children wasn’t reported because the people who knew about it thought it was more important to protect themselves and their reputations. That’s what Nike’s doing. Mark Parker, Nike’s president and CEO, graduated from Penn State in 1977. Paterno was called “Nike coach Joe Paterno” in Donald Katz’s 1994 book Just Do It The fact that children were sexually abused is less important than smearing the reputation of and embarrassing the college football coach with whom you’ve had a long, successful relationship. Protection of the institution.

I hate this. I hate writing about this. Nike should be making shoes and deluded basketball ads, not inquiry statements. Stop enabling rape culture, and better yet, stop making me type “rape culture” on the Internet.

Earlier today, Burnsy sent me an e-mail that read “I suppose we should do something about this” and linked to the Lion Eyes transcript of Monday night’s phone interview between Bob Costas and Jerry Saundusky. As Burnsy had mentioned in his piece on the Penn State rioters, it’s hard to be a (mostly) conscionable sports comedy blog and find it in you to make jokes about a guy who allegedly gave blowjobs to little boys in the school showers. It’s not LeBron James losing pick-up basketball games to kids. It’s not even Xavier Nady having Crohn’s Disease. It’s one of the most legitimately disturbing, unnerving stories I’ve been alive and adult enough to understand in the world of sports, and no part of our job description reads “making sense of this”.

That being said, we should so something about it. If you haven’t read it, you should. Or you shouldn’t, I guess. I haven’t quite figured it out. It’s something you should know about, but shouldn’t have to hear about, if that makes sense. The only way I think I can share this without wanting to jump through my upstairs window is by Cracked-dot-comming the hell out of it and presenting to you some of the most cringeworthy, thankfully-out-of-context quotes from the conversation.

I’ve got to warn you, they’re not easy to read. They might make your stomach hurt, or worse, so reader discretion is advised.

1.

Costas: “Innocent? Completely innocent and falsely accused in every aspect?”

Sandusky: “Well I could say that, you know, I have done some of those things. I have horsed around with kids. I have showered after workouts. I have hugged them and I have touched their leg without intent of sexual contact. So if you look at it that way, there are things that would be accurate.”

If you look at it that way.

Read the rest of this entry »

Links

Australia Is Getting DC Comics License Plates? From The 80s? - One day I’ll live in a happier world where I’m able to drive a car and let people know how much I love the comic Prez at the same time. [Gamma Squad]

Now With Us, The Very Public Face Of Grief - I’m happy to have KSK around for stories like this. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

I Can’t Stop Looking At This - Matt Ufford reveals that he doesn’t find America’s Next Top Model’s Allison Harvard attractive, an issue that causes us to come to blows in real life. I don’t care what elite fighting force you were a part of, I will go down swinging. [Warming Glow]

38 Seconds - In all seriousness, though, With Leather wants to wish everybody out there a happy Veteran’s Day. Be sure to check out Uff’s latest piece on the veteran experience, because it’s pretty goddamn outstanding. [The Classical]

Endurance Football, Or, Football Played On A Mile-Long Field - I love everything about this, and am calling dibs on a roster spot should a real game of it ever go down. [SB Nation]

Mark Henry 2010 Vs. Mark Henry 2011 - It’s amazing how far you can come in a year. Also, “Mark forgetting how chasing works” is one of my shoot favorite wrestling moments ever. [Fair To Flair]

Apparently Asteroids Will Have A Writer - I hope this is a success so I can finally get my gritty, reimagined Pitfall! pushed through. (spoiler: it explains why the alligators are there) [Film Drunk]

12 NBA Young Guns To Watch (If There’s A Season) - You can’t just be any geek off the street. You gotta be handy with the steel, if you know what I mean, earn your keep. [Smoking Section]

DMX On Dr. Drew’s ‘Lifechangers’ - He should feel DMX’s testicles on-air to see if they’re real. [RealTalkNY]

First Listen: Childish Gambino – ‘Camp’ - If you haven’t heard it yet, NPR is streaming the entire album for free. ‘That Power’ is my favorite song of the year. The rest of the album is a close second. [NPR]

PWO Four Year Anniversary Video Preview - There are few things in this world I miss more than Cleveland. Check out this retrospective to see who all those Oh-Bro indy wrestlers I’m namedropping in my Best and Worst of Raw column are. [Dirty Dirty Sheets]

Quote Of The Day: Gina Carano Says Fighting An Opponent Feels Just Like Having Sex With Them - I would like to fight Gina Carano. Just saying. [Cage Potato]

Pre-show notes:

- As always, and yes, I’m begging, make sure to drop us a comment when you’re done reading the report. It can be about the report, what you thought of the show, who your five favorite people are in that banner image, whatever. We just want to hear from you. Also, we’re following up our botched WWE Vengeance predictions contest with a Survivor Series version (with the same $250 Amazon gift card at stake), so get in the hang of commenting and interacting now. And no, I’m not going to make you pick who you think will be the sole survivor, I want to actually give this away at some point in my life.

- This show was live (on tape) from England, and if you’ve been watching wrestling for more than a month you know how bad taped shows tend to be. Nothing really happens and they just tread water until they’re back in the States. That means the show isn’t very good, so if I come across as wholly negative, I apologize. Worst case scenario, you got to look at Kaitlyn and AJ for a minute.

- The brand new With Leather pro wrestling podcast, With Spandex is tentatively (TENTATIVELY) scheduled to start up next week. I still don’t know what I’m doing, but dammit, I’ve got to start doing it badly soon.

Please click through to enjoy the Best and Worst of WWE Raw, innit. (British)

Read the rest of this entry »

Joe Paterno had vision correction surgery after his Penn State Nittany Lions played in the Capital One bowl, and he showed off that specs-free look yesterday…because he hates America.

JoePa attended a medical charity function earlier Thursday. He told Fight On State, a Web site that covers Penn State football, that he had been having trouble reading the last six months, so he visited a Philadelphia eye doctor he had known for decades.

Paterno says he still feels funny without glasses, so he had a set made with similar frames but much thinner lenses. He wore those glasses to the charity event. –Chicago Breaking Sports.

I’m terrified; I really have no idea who that guy is. But it’s amazing that Paterno is not only still coaching, but is now seeking treatment for whatever seems to be ailing him. I’m sure Mrs. Paterno would find that to be a sort of mixed bag. If only they had a pill that could help a guy retire.