The post we mean is his penis. (via Bob’s Blitz)

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Amir Sayoud is a lot of things. He’s an Algerian footballer currently playing as an attacking midfielder for Egyptian side Al-Ahly, he’s the love-child of Tom Haverford and Jean-Ralphio from “Parks and Recreation” — but I know what he really is.

Watch the video. It’s making the rounds on the Internet today, showing up on Dirty Tackle (and anywhere with “fail” in the title) as a supreme example of someone trying to pull off a cheap soccer move and eating grass. That should be the end of it, but it looked familiar to me, so I flipped back through some of my earlier posts from this summer and realized his stutter-step, faceplant and harmless dribbler to the goalkeeper was nearly identical to the epic fail of the Japanese Robot Soccer Cat. Yes, it’s my theory that this isn’t a “fail”, but the best kick from a robotic Japanese soccer playing cat who has entered Mark II and had his exoskeleton-covering kitty costume replaced humanoid flesh.

Don’t believe me? Watch the video below and compare the shots yourself.

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I’m not sure how old this is, and I’m not sure why they chose smooth jazz for its soundtrack, and I don’t know enough about soccer to expound much on the YouTube video description:

Funny penalty kick (Termeno vs Dro)

… but this video is lightning in a bottle, capturing the complete spectrum of human emotions in one hilarious penalty kick. The guy in white (we’ll call him “Mike Termeno”) kicks the ball, and it hits the crossbar, setting off a celebration from the goaltender (who we’ll call “Bobby Dro”). But! The slow-motion camera holds long enough to see Bobby (again, not his real name) stand in the middle of the field and pose his ass off while the ball falls back to Earth and takes a slow, bouncy roll back into the goal.

This video might earn WIN and LOL tags at Buzzfeed, but it should be recognized as an allegory for life. You should never run around pretending you’ve won before the ball hits the ground. Or if you do, make sure the crossbar didn’t put a wicked backspin on it.

[via Off the Bench]