We have an early contender for the feelgood story of the year. Or, at least the “feel relieved” story, anyway.

In other offbeat news from the Open, the match between Belgian Christophe Rochus and American Donald Young was stopped for 40 minutes after a ball boy wet his pants on court 10.

“The ball kid peed on himself. It was unfortunate,” Young said.

“It took a while to replace him. Then they had to put the sawdust down, or whatever you put down when somebody throws up.

“Then they had to use the blower (to dry the court) but the blower had no gas in it, so that took even more time.” –The Age, via Deadspin.

So that photoshop’s probably a bit too subtle for this crowd. I’ll be honest: I’m not a big fan of seeing somebody pee. Unless I’ve had a few drinks and she’s standing right above me.

Here’s German goalie Jens Lehmann doing his best to drain the lizard behind one of those big billboards that you so often see at soccer games. And now I can see why they’re there. I guess the one on the other side of the net is the ladies’? But Lehmann, 40, is a guy that’s already been in trouble for wondering aloud why his club, Stuttgart, hasn’t fired their coach already. But it gets better.

Things then went from bad to worse in Sunday’s Bundesliga game against Mainz. Stuttgart we leading 1-0 and appeared to be on the way to their first league victory since week seven.

However, Lehmann lost his temper and stamped on Mainz attacker Aristide Bance after collecting a cross. The referee spotted the incident and decided to send Lehmann off and award Mainz a spot kick, which was converted by Eugen Polanski.

And according to Sky, things didn’t end there. The shot stopper stole the glasses of a fan after the game and intended to travel home by taxi instead of taking the team bus, until he spotted a camera following him. –Goal.com

Pissing in public and then stealing some poor bastard’s glasses? That’s a full day. And if you’re German that’s like 3 full days. Because Europeans are lazy.

Similar to the potential urinal shortage faced by Penn State this weekend, the planners of soccers Euro 2008 are marketing a product called the Roadbag to offer fans bladder relief.

Toilets will be in short supply when thousands of fans gather in the public viewing zones during the upcoming Euro 2008 European [Soccer] Championship in Austria and Switzerland… In case of an urgent bathroom break, men can relieve themselves into the bag via a 5.5 centimetre wide opening. Polymer crystals in the bag condense urine to an odourless gel, making the emergency bag disposable in the next [trash can].

5.5 centimeters… can someone tell me what that is in some meaningful term like inches?  It had better be pretty wide, like an industrial downspout designed for monsoon season. Because I'm not gonna lie, my cock is gigantic.  Seriously, it saved Tokyo from Godzilla once.  Why do you think I score with so many Japanese girls?  They simply can't get enough of my odorless gel.

(Sorry about the brackets in the quote, by the way.  I just get really pissed when English people think they can get away with bullshit like "football" and "rubbish bin."  Seriously, rubbish bin?  Well, la dee dah, fancy a fox hunt, guvna?)

[The Offside]