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Links

Kobe Bryant Teaches Aziz Ansari A Thing Or Two About Success - Basketball players like him don’t grow on trees, and if they did? He’d sell him. Kobe trees! [Smoking Section]

Important: 10 Television Stars You’ll Probably Never See Naked - Dustin has apparently never seen the 1990 Christina Applegate classic Streets. You’ll see all of these people naked, just five or so years after it would’ve mattered to you. Except Jennifer Love Hewitt. You will never see her nude. [Warming Glow]

Courtney Stodden’s Tweets Drawn Hilariously By Anonymous Internet Hero - There is no greater reason to kill yourself than Courtney Stodden’s Twitter account. “Desirous dirt” is pretty funny, though. [UPROXX]

Meme Watch: 2/10, Would Not Bang Is Here To Help - Absolutely shocked that there isn’t already one of these for Kate Upton. Gonna get to work on that. [UPROXX]

6 Series from Image Comics You Should Be Buying (Aside From The Walking Dead) - Is The Savage Dragon on this list? Because if it isn’t, I’m not clicking. It’s probably just 6 comics with “Blood” and “Storm” in the name. [Gamma Squad]

Patton Oswalt Live-Tweets His Oscar Snub - Forget Patton Oswalt, the biggest Oscar snub of all was Sacha Baron Cohen in Hugo. Dude was the best part of Inspector Zenigata and every 80s Nickelodeon cartoon bad guy. [Film Drunk]

You Wanted More MMA Coverage, So Here’s Arianny Celeste In Zoo Magazine - In case you missed it during yesterday’s pro wrestling reports and Kate Upton nipple pics, Arianny Celeste took off her clothes and we shared the pictures. Hooray! [With Leather]

The 27 Best Movies To Not Be Nominated For Best Picture - Some of these are a travesty, but more importantly I want to know who the 6% of paid f**king movie critics are who gave a negative review to Duck Soup. Are you out of your f**king mind? [Buzzfeed]

26 Crazy/Brilliant Life Hacks - Not as good as yesterday’s 26 Crazy/Beautiful Hacks that ggot Kirsten Dunst into debug mode. [HuffPost Comedy]

5 Daughters of Famous People Who Have Been on ‘American Idol’ - Does Pierce Hawthorne’s step-daughter count? [The FW]

8 Epic Movie Moments and the Music that Made Them Great - This just reminds me how mad I was at Sunshine for suddenly forgetting it was a good movie and shoehorning in the villain from Event Horizon. Never gonna get over that. [Unreality]

Yeah, I get shot with arrows like 70 times a day, I don’t know what happened with you.

Links

Power Up: The Top 14 Video Games Of 2011 - It goes “Skyrim”, then everything else. And this is coming from a guy who spent a day and a half diving off a crane with Batman trying to get a dumb power-up. [Smoking Section]

7 Things About “The League” Cast that You Probably Didn’t Know - I wish the guy who does the voice for Space Ghost was actually on ‘The League’. [Warming Glow]

Daniel Day-Lewis In Full Costume On The Set Of Lincoln - I’ve never wanted to chant “holy shit” at a picture before, but here we are. Lining up to see this already. [Film Drunk]

Donald Glover Tells Marc Maron That He Masturbates To Susan Sarandon - And I masturbate to Susan Sarandon’s daughter. We’re destined to be best friends. [UPROXX]

Patton Oswalt Made A Parody PSA Of The Alamo Drafthouse No Texting PSA - Alamo Drafthouse rules because it’s the only place in the world besides my living room where I can watch a movie in silence and eat a tofu sandwich simultaneously. [UPROXX]

Rick Perry Dr. Seuss Books - There are two books. No, three. [Buzzfeed]

Adult Swim Interview: Norm Macdonald Digs Shakespeare - I need to Google Alert Norm or something because I missed FOUR NORM MACDONALD SHOWS in Austin. He needs commercials and blimp messages and couriers stopping by my house with printed-out reminders. [Adult Swim]

‘We Bought a Zooey’ Is the Quirky Feel-Good Movie of the Holiday Season - doooooooooooooWOP! [The FW]

Best Performances of 2011: From Uggie to Rooney Mara, the Top 11 in ’11 - Reed Diamond as Mark Shapiro in Moneyball in a walk. I thought it was actually Mark Shapiro for like two weeks. [Moviefone]

Rating the 10 Most Traumatic Character Deaths of the Year in Television - Lists like these are the best reason to not give Joss Whedon television shows. [Pajiba]