So far this week we’ve shared with you Tinyballs, Saturday Night Live’s parody of Moneyball, and College Humor’s Too Much Moneyball, but it’s not over yet — I guess the comedic possibilities of that “fifty feet of crap” speech are too enticing, because Funny Or Die has chimed in with their own version about Matt Millen’s run as general manager of the Detroit Lions. I also would’ve accepted Millen Dollar Baby, especially if they killed him at the end.

The video has its high points (Patrick Willis being good at football as “the same old nonsense”, somebody stealing my “judge players solely on how good they are in video games” style) and its low points (knocking the WNBA, because seriously, who still thinks that’s funny) but is worth it almost solely for the The Dugout-style representation of Joey Harrington as a scarf-wearing piano player who can only throw the football behind him.

That all being said, man, somebody release another movie of worth so we can keep “fifty feet of crap” from being this year’s Bullet-time.

Why I’m Happy: The Cleveland Indians are going to compete! The Tribe added Kosuke Fukudome (yeah 3 home runs YEAH .260 BATTING AVERAGE) and sorta-ace Ubaldo Jimenez to bolster the line-up and push them back ahead of the Tigers before it’s too late. Sure, we had to give up our entire farm system and our prized Pomeranian (and we got that farm system by trading away all of our good players a few years ago), but hey, it’s now or never. It’s Tribe Time Now Or Never!

Why I’m Unhappy: Friday was our July edition of Free Fantasy Baseball With DraftStreet, and as per usual I dropped about 20 spots to finish 91st out of over 200. I’m in the upper half, but still, I think the Indians get worse every time we do these. Friday they lost 12-0 to the stinking Royals, and the guy who won had Billy Butler and Alex Gordon on his team. Welp! Thanks again to everyone who played, and here are the readers who won money.

On to the links~!

Sports

We’re All A Little Jealous Of Philadelphia Sports Teams Right Now - I mean, I’M not, but I could see why YOU would be. Tomorrow they’re going to announce that the Philadelphia Flyers have invented time travel and come back through the wormhole with teenage Wayne Gretzky and some sort of weird future cyborg Gordie Howe. Why did the Phillies need to add All-Stars? They’re an American League team playing in the National League already. [Smoking Section]

#Podcast: The Patrick Willis Interview - Be sure not to miss Punte’s podcast interview with Willis, where he asks him what it’s like to play in the NFL and then suddenly quits. In all seriousness, I feel like I keep having to say goodbye to Josh and that sucks, because I shouldn’t have to once. Good luck in your future endeavors, Punter, you’ll be missed. [KSK]

Strikeforce: Fedor vs. Hendrson Live Results and Commentary - I should start doing The Best and Worst of MMA Pay-Per-Views. Best: Fedor getting trounced in the first round and saying the ass-beating was God’s Will. Worst: Literally everything else. [Cage Potato]

Lily Anderson - She counts as sports! Our last post on Friday was about her performance of the Star-Spangled Banner at an Atlanta Braves game, and after struggling all day to have something worthwhile to say they were nice enough to link back to me on her Facebook fan page. So go “like” it, because it’s probably the one thing you can like on Facebook that makes you a better person. [Facebook]

With Leather

The 2011 U.S. Air Guitar Championship - I can’t think of anything weirder or lamer than this and I’ve been watching pro wrestling for like 30 years. It’s like a bunch of guys got together and decided to act like The Darkness, but didn’t want to get paid. [With Leather]

The Montreal Expos Are Dead, Long Live The Montreal Expos - Montreal wants baseball again and I’m all for it, as I want baseball and stadiums and mascots all over the damn place. Also worth reading is Nick Dallamora’s The Mouse That Never Roared, written way back when the Expos spirited away to Washington. [With Leather]

Carmelo Anthony Holding A Panda Bear? Carmelo Anthony Holding A Panda Bear - I’m getting a hang of these UPROXX titles. [With Leather]

Jay Cutler Faked It - … or so says Kristin Cavallari. Linking this here because it’s been online long enough for weird girls who are oddly defensive of Laguna Beach to find it and start leaving comments like ONLY THEY KNOW WHAT HAPPENED WHY DON’T YOU GET A LIFE AND A REAL JOB AND STOP WRITING even though I just copy-pasted most of this from a gossip website. [With Leather]

Not Sports

Scarlett Johansson Declines Marine’s Invitation To Ball - which makes sense, because she’s declined my invitation to ball about a thousand times. Unpopular Opinion: Marines need to stop guilt-tripping celebrities into doing things. [Film Drunk]

Avengers Cosplay - More women should dress like Mockingbird. I’m a little disappointed that this gallery isn’t full of hot girls dressing like Ultron, but that might be a fever fantasy I’ll never live to see. [Gamma Squad]

Spoiler Alert: Parks & Rec Has Cast Tammy 1 - The only way I’m okay with this casting news is if they explain how Ron and Tammy met with “We found each other. We found each other in the dark”. They should’ve been like “Community” and stunt-casted the sh** out of this. Let Oprah or some lesser form of Wendy Williams be Tammy 1. [Warming Glow]

Internet Explorer Users Dumb, Says Science - What’s next, a study revealing that people still using their @AOL.com e-mail addresses in 2011 are functionally illiterate? Yeah, we know all this. Science used to be for important things. When I was growing up they were all SCIENCE CREATES SPACE SHUTTLES AND UNLOCKS THE MYSTERIES OF LIFE. Now science is just a more boring version of Encyclopedia Dramatica. [UPROXX]

In just four years, San Francisco 49ers linebacker Patrick Willis has already taken his place as one of the greats in the game today. When K-Swiss had their four-day shoot to restart their awesome Kenny Powers “MFCEO” campaign, With Leather’s Josh Zerkle was invited to check it out and spend time with the athletes supporting the California-based shoe brand. Willis was reached via phone and asked about his experiences with the K-Swiss campaign.  Portions of this Q&A were edited for clarity and space.

So what are you up to today?

My girlfiend is getting her nails done, and I came with her. Once a month, I try to come in and get my feet done. I know some people are like, “Man, I’m a dude,” but it really helps. I don’t my nails painted or any of that. But yeah, once a month I like to come in and get my feet done, keep my heels from busting open. That kind of thing.

Your girlfriend probably appreciates that, too.

Right, yeah. [Laughs].

So, first question. Are you best inside linebacker in football right now?

[Pause.] Yessir.

Yes! [Clapping hysterically] That’s awesome!

But I say that with some humbleness and hunger behind that, you know? You said, right now, at this point in time? That was a weird question. You asked me that question, I mean, what else am I gonna say? I believe in myself, but there are guys out there like Ray [Lewis] and Brian [Urlacher] and guys like Takeo [Spikes], those guys are the pioneers of the game and that’s who I’m chasing, to get a legacy comparable to their. You say those names, and you just think “Wow, those guys can play.” True players. That’s what I’m trying to get to.

I think it says a lot about the quality of your play that a west-coast guy that plays defense can…I mean, those aren’t the guys that get endorsements in the NFL, and now here you are doing work for K-Swiss. I think that says a lot about what you’ve done in just four years in the league.

Yeah, it has been a blessing. I don’t let it get to my head. I’m still trying to think about how I can get better. Today, I wanted to rest. I know I needed rest, I don’t feel like I can rest. What if somebody else is working today? So I gotta do something, whether it’s mentally or something physically, I gotta do something.

Read the rest of this entry »

It looks like Funny Or Die has officially embraced the longstanding Tosh.0 tradition of cramming your funny video full of sports celebrities to get it covered everywhere on the Internet — just a week after they recast Dennis Haysbert as Terrence Mann in a Twilight-flavored Field of Dreams sequel, Funny Or Die has revisited the Kenny Powers K-Swiss endorsement by having him take over the company and stock it with everyone from Matt Cassel to Rey Mysterio.

Watch the full video below, with two major warnings:

1. It is extremely funny, and
2. It features Kenny Powers, so please anticipate the foul language and adult situations that result.

This includes boob mugs and high-fiving dead animals.

Because this is also television related, be sure to head over to Warming Glow and watch all the awesome follow-up and behind-the-scenes videos that go along with it. Who knew you could bottle the scent … of boner?

[h/t Cajun Boy]

Not many of us were subjected to the crapocity of the Jets’ egg-laying in San Francisco on Sunday, so you may have missed this spine-crushing hit on Brad Smith, who somehow got up and walked away after Patrick Willis bent him in half. Perhaps Brad’s been taking lessons in “gritty toughness” from Brett Favre. Or maybe he has rubber vertebrae.

[Fan IQ]