Here’s a fun little factoid for you crazy sports fans out there: athletes tend to buy really expensive houses. Who would have thunk it, right? Well it turns out that in a lot of cases, when athletes retire or change teams, they sell those houses and then people have an opportunity to take a look inside and see how the 1% really lives. And I’m almost always disappointed by the lack of bearsharktopus cages. Step your game up, so-called ballers.

Yesterday, the Cookie Kwans at Realtor.com posted some of the latest listings of current and former Major League Baseball players, and while there wasn’t anything too crazy, it was still pretty interesting. For instance, I can’t quite wrap my brain around how a guy could invest a quarter of his 5-year, $80 million salary into a home purchase, but then again nobody has yet to accept my challenge of giving me $80 million just to see how fast I can blow it. Offer still stands, billionaires. Let’s get this done.

Search for your dream home after the jump, you silly cash cows.

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For every beginning there is an end.

That’s the tagline for Final Destination 2. In case part of their audience considered that philosophy, the second tagline is

More Speed. More Horror. More Death.

…and I’m guessing “these people are dying and Lol it is crazy” is right behind. Anyway, The Dugout returns (in 3-D! Not really) with part two of SFinal Destination, from guest writer Bill Hanstock. If you didn’t read part one, please be sure to do so before reading today’s strip because it picks up right where part one left off without any exposition. Kinda like Final Destination 2. The real humor in this is knowing that while the injuries have been exaggerated a bit, literally everything going on in these comics happened in real life. Even Brian Wilson’s face.

Please click through and enjoy the comic. The thrilling conclusion happens tomorrow.

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Meech over at The Fightins caught a listen of Howard Stern this morning, who apparently is still alive. One of Stern’s guests was porn star Sophia Rossi, the former girlfriend of Phillies outfielder Pat Burrell. Her visit is summarized below, in what might be my favorite paragraph of the day:

During her segment, she also stated that this happened a long time ago (good news for Pat’s wife!) and said that Pat was “very immature.” Then she sat on a gigantic vibrating machine and had a very loud orgasm.

Yes, a porn star called somebody immature. How is anyone supposed to stand in front of those funbags all day with a straight face? And why the hell is everyone in porn called a “star?” Especially when I’ve never heard of any of them. If they were stars, they wouldn’t be doing porn, now would they? And what’s the deal with airline food? Hello? Is this thing on?