Maybe you should try singing an answering machine message to the ‘Greatest American Hero’ theme instead. (via The Nosebleeds)

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What Everyone Should Know About Concert Hologram Technology |UPROXX|

Ranking The 15 Best TV Shows Never Nominated for an Outstanding Comedy or Drama Series Emmy |Warming Glow|

Nerdiest Controversy: Dark Knight Trolling Gets Critic Banned From RT |Film Drunk|

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The xx – “Angels” |Smoking Section|

Rockie Fresh Feat. Rick Ross – “You A Lie (Remix)” |Smoking Section|

Great Geeky Examples Of San Diego Comic-Con Cosplay |Gamma Squad|

Great Moments In Presidential Kiss Cam Fails |With Leather|

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Louis C.K. Tells Jon Stewart He Wasn’t Expressing Support For Daniel Tosh |UPROXX|

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Kevin Pritchard may be the new general manager of the Indiana Pacers, but he’ll always be “that dipsh*t who drafted Greg Oden over Kevin Durant” to me. I bring this up because as I was watching Durant absolutely destroy the Miami Heat in the 4th quarter of last night’s NBA Finals Game 1, I could only wonder, “Seriously, how big of a dick does Pritchard feel like?”

It goes without saying that Durant is an absolute god in Oklahoma City, because he’s just f*cking incredible. So it makes sense that a band wrote a song about him. Too bad that song is a parody of “Call Me Maybe”. And it’s too bad that the song includes this lyric:

“I’m so glad we drafted Fish”

I may have actually praised this effort if this ridiculously inept and ignorant line had never been written, but it was so I won’t. Alas, it has been written, recorded, and YouTubed, so it’s a viral sensation now. All I can do is include this GIF to make me forget it…

Music video after the jump, as well as the highlights of Durant going what I believe the kids call HAM.

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At least it isn’t “Kobe Maybe”. (via Terez Owens)

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The 15 Corniest Verses Of Will Smith’s Rap Career |UPROXX|

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The 8 People Every Successful Rapper Needs On The Team |Smoking Section|

5 SF Sitcoms Hollywood Should Adapt Before “ALF” |Gamma Squad|

Colin Cowherd Wants Everyone To Know That New Orleans Is A Terrible City |With Leather|

This Week in Posters & Stills: Dark Knights Will Rise, Lizards Gonna Lizard |Film Drunk|

Tumblr That Pairs ‘Simpsons’ and Movie GIFs Is Groin-Grabbingly Good |Warming Glow|

The Comprehensive Guide To The Best, Most Inspiring Commencement Speeches Of 2012 |UPROXX|

New ‘Community’ Showrunners Already Being Mocked Viciously And Hilariously By A Fake Twitter Account |UPROXX|

The 10 Most Popular Shows of the Season Confirms Your Worst Fears |Warming Glow|

Lupe Fiasco’s Not Too Happy With Pete Rock Right Now |Smoking Section|

Nicole Kidman peed on Zac Efron in Lee Daniels’ new golden shower movie |Film Drunk|

10 Suggestions For ‘Backflips & Beatdowns 3′ |With Leather|

First Clip From ‘Total Recall’ Plus A TV Spot And Trigger Happy Pictures |Gamma Squad|

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They should play this on SportsCenter and have Michael Ian Black and Mo Rocca just say sarcastic sh*t about it the whole time. (via Ball Don’t Lie)

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This Week in Posters and Stills: Rock of Ages still looks awful |Film Drunk|

10 Events That Should Be Added To The 2012 Summer Olympics |Smoking Section|

Snoop Gets Technical: Snoop Dogg Helps Explain The Tupac Hologram And Other Mysteries Of Science |UPROXX|

The Dugout Opening Days ’12: Minnesota Twins |With Leather|

An Exploration Of The Idris Elba Face |Warming Glow|

Val Kilmer Expounds On How ‘Batman Forever’ Went Wrong |Gamma Squad|

Writer Of ‘Girls’ Not Happy About Criticism Of ‘Girls’ |UPROXX|

Nick Offerman Reads Tweets From Young Female Celebrities, Makes Anything Seem Manly |UPROXX|

On Derrick Rose, Eminem And The Price Of Fame |Smoking Section|

LISTEN: Mel Gibson drops another single |Film Drunk|

Brooklyn Decker Takes Off Her Clothes For GQ, Would Totally Do Gisele |With Leather|

Five Reasons Why Found Footage Movies Mostly Don’t Work |Gamma Squad|

Tupac Shakur Discovered Omar Little |Warming Glow|

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If I’d been smart, I would’ve saved the awkward Arsenal Wishes You A Merry Christmas video and paired it up with this clip of the Chicago Blackhawks making goodhearted, ironic fools of themselves for a holiday-themed white folks in Christmas sweaters Friday Face-Off. Come to think of it, I could’ve done that with the Andy Roddick rapping The Humpty Dance in a Christmas sweater video too. We really think sweaters are awesome, don’t we?

Regardless, the Blackhawks win. As Sportress Of Blogitude points out, “You might think there’s no such thing as — John Scott” is the best imaginable Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer NHL parody song line, plus you’ve got kids throwing around wrapping paper in slow motion. They would’ve beaten anybody I put them against, except maybe that baby polar bear.

I’d ask the Caps to do something similar, but I know it’d be disappointing.

[h/t to Puck Daddy]

BEHOLD!

If ever we hoped for God* to be a sports fan, let’s hope that he was wearing his giant foam finger yesterday as he browsed the Internet and checked the news at the Global Language Monitor. Because I can only imagine the almighty spitting out his morning coffee while reading the news that Tebowing is now officially a word. The act of kneeling down and expressing your thoughts to your holy being – otherwise known as praying – is now universally known as Tebowing, thanks to what the GLM refers to as the “six-week rise of the Global Phenomenon.” And you know it’s legit, because the GLM says it’s legit.

Though there is no official agency for accepting new words (or neologisms) into the English lexicon such as France’s Académie française, since 2003 the Global Language Monitor has been recognizing new words once they meet the criteria of a minimum number of citations across the breadth of the English-speaking world, with the requisite depth of usage on the Internet, in social media and in the top 75,000 global print and electronic media.

BOOM! WORDED! Now, while we wait for news that the Westboro Baptist Church plans to spend the rest of eternity protesting the Denver Broncos – or maybe they’ll just say, F*ck it and start worshipping Tim Tebow, too – I dug up the Interweb’s latest offerings of YouTube tributes to the man who is 7-1 as the Denver Broncos’ quarterback. Consider it our donation to the Cult of Tebow. Enjoy your Kool-Aid, friends.

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