I will always support Liberal Bee Jays. I hope their farm team is named ‘Agreeing To Anal’. (via SOB)

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Links

Photoshops Assemble! Fun with The Avengers Premiere |Film Drunk|

Ron Swanson And Rorschach Go Together Like Bacon And Eggs |UPROXX|

Look Out, Alison Brie! |Warming Glow|

New Thor-Filled TV Spot For ‘The Avengers’ Presented By Tony Stark’s Derp Face |Gamma Squad|

TSS Presents Smoking Sessions With Mixed By Ali |Smoking Section|

Woman Seeking Man Who Knocked Her Up In The Bathroom At Megadeth/Motorhead Show On Craigslist |UPROXX|

Anne Hathaway’s Catwoman Invades Superhero Movie Posters |UPROXX|

Facebook Looks To Change The Way We Watch Movies With Bob Marley Documentary |Smoking Section|

Frotcast 95: Fantasy Summer Box Office w/Laremy, Thomas Kinkade, Mel Gibson |Film Drunk|

Capybaras That Look Like Rafael Nadal Is Our New Favorite Tumblr |With Leather|

Kid With Awesome Cardboard Arcade Gets College Scholarship |Gamma Squad|

TV’s 10 Most Profitable Shows Include All the Shows You Hate |Warming Glow|

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You may have thought you heard me say I wanted a lot of years without a championship, but what I said was: Give me all the years without a championship you have.

New Era may have just made the biggest popular culture coolness upgrade ever by following up last season’s “The Rivalry” Red Sox and Yankees campaign featuring Alec Baldwin and John “still Jim after all these years” Krasinski with a Chicago-themed rivalry between White Sox fan Craig Robinson and Cubs fan Ron freaking Swanson. Well, actor Nick Offerman I guess, but Ron Swanson.

We wrote about the story when Offerman ended up on the Internet in a Cubs hat, but here’s the first commercial in the series. It’s exponentially more entertaining than Alec Baldwin saying “Bill Buckner” and Krasinski making derp face at the camera. Check it out after the jump, with a Woman Of The Year-quality hat tip to Big League Stew.

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NMA should turn this into an ongoing series. I want to know what happened to the poor Dodgers fan who had a McCourt lurking in his bushes.

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The Animated GIF Bracket’s Final Four: Where Dreams And Nightmares Come True - YANKEE ENTHUSIASTS was robbed, that thing should win a Pulitzer. Please continue to vote MORTIFIED MICHIGAN PUNTER into the championship. [SB Nation]

Tommy Lee Jones And AMC Are Developing A Show About Football - I hope it’s just football guys going “I DIDN’T FUMBLE THAT BALL” and Tommy Lee Jones saying, “I don’t care!” [Warming Glow]

The 15 Greatest Knockouts in ‘The Ultimate Fighter’ History - Gifs of people being punched to death are a great way to start your Friday. Poor Solomon Hutcherson. [Cage Potato]

The South Park Memeing Episode: Instant Classic And KSK Relevant - Also, Everywhere Relevant. Here’s to hoping Faith Hilling doesn’t take off. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Conan’s Celebrity ‘Why Would You Tweet That?’ Bit Killed Last Night - Lenny Kravitz’s first love being “recording the same song over and over” is amazing. Maybe he’s like the lady from 50 First Dates. [UPROXX]

Two Boss Ways To Play Mario Kart - The day I was most jealous is when I found out the Cleveland Indians scoreboard guys played Madden on it. If I got to play Double Dash on that thing, I’d feel like God. [Gamma Squad]

Pranked Texas Granny Demands an Apology from Justin Bieber - Get in line, lady. [The FW]

Latest Entrant Into The Epic Drunk Hall Of Fame - A guy in a sombrero wears boxing gloves, jumps onto a cop car and shouts his name. Then he takes THIS mug shot. Worth your time. [Film Drunk]

Question Of The Day: Kidada Or Rashida Jones? - How is this even a question? What’s tomorrow’s question of the day, Alison Brie or the guy that plays Leonard? [Smoking Section]

Apparently Earth’s Mightiest Heroes Will Rock Out To Earth’s Crappiest Soundtrack - You sorta don’t expect it to be that bad when you read the headline, but holy sh*t, Papa Roach? In 2012? What is this, the WWE? [Pajiba]

Cats Vs. Dinosaurs - Technically don’t cats win for still being alive? [Buzzfeed]

This is how I’ve felt for the last month. April’s just gonna be a bunch of puppies sleeping videos. (via MPViral)

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Links

Which Action Star Has Inspired the Worst Video Games? Another (Sort of) Scientific Study - I was hoping ‘Rambo’ for the NES would get some love. That game isn’t any fun, but I always want to be playing it for some reason. [Gamma Squad]

10 Things We Learned At SXSW 2012 - #11. Get robot legs, because you aren’t 20 anymore. [Smoking Section]

Discussion Post and Poll: What Is Your Favorite Network Sitcom Besides ‘Community’? - I like ‘The Big Bang Theory’. I also like cupping my hands, farting into them and trying to scoop it into my mouth before the flavor dissipates. [Warming Glow]

All Of Our Favorite Parts Of Aziz Ansari’s Reddit AMA - Not reading this is a huge Oh No No. [UPROXX]

Belvedere Vodka Hoping To Sell Vodka With Rape Jokes, Apparently - They really missed the boat by not getting Bob Uecker to be their spokesperson. He’s got experience selling alcohol, knows Belvedere personally and wouldn’t rape people. [UPROXX]

This Week in Posters and Stills - The Dark Shadows posters are amazing and should just be bright white circles with actor names over them. [Film Drunk]

Scumbag Pets - My cat won’t stop dunking his entire arm into any glass of water I pour, does that count? [Buzzfeed]

11 Amazing Translation FAILS - This should just be 11 attempts by Armond White to review Lost In Translation. [HuffPost Comedy]

Watch Wes Anderson’s Sony Commercial Featuring Adorable Robots - Okay! [The FW]

You Can Do Side Bends Or Sit-Ups But Please Don’t Lose That Butt. “Mad Men” Is Back - ‘Mad Men’ is the best show since Seinfeld to be about nothing and have nothing ever happen. I’m happy to have it back, I just wish it was an hour of Pete Campbell. [Pajiba]

Ten Video Games Viewed From a Different Perspective - Number 11 is about the time I tried to play Skyrim while lying upside down on the couch. I might as well be trying to solve astrophysics quandaries. [Unreality]

Batman Was Pulled Over In a Lamborghini Gallardo In Montgomery County, Maryland - Great, now the Penguin is going to destroy Camden Yards and nobody will be there to stop him. [Brobible]

Sorry, but Ron Swanson would be a Cardinals fan.

As a St. Louis Cardinals fan, I’m generally regarded as one of the more intelligent, classy and mustachioed fans in baseball, so when it comes to celebrities and their team allegiances, I’m a bit of a savant. However, color me depressed this morning as I discovered the above photo of Parks and Rec star Nick Offerman and The Office’s Craig Robinson (who Tweeted the above photo) representing their favorite baseball teams, the Chicago Cubs and White Sox, respectively.

I mean, I always knew that the Cardinals had the two greatest celebrity fans in me and Jon Hamm, but now I’m a little bummed that the Cubs have such a heavy hitter to help fend off the stereotype of North Side fandom perpetuated by superfan Jeremy Piven. But hey, maybe this is just a gimmick. After all the picture is from the set of a New Era commercial.

Offerman, who Robinson said has a Twitter account launching soon, grew up in the Chicago suburb of Minooka—like all Cubs fans, right?—and attended University of Illinois. He was involved in the Chicago theater scene at Steppenwolf, Goodman and Wisdom Bridge. (Via Red Eye Chicago)

On one hand, it’s pretty awesome that Offerman is finally getting on Twitter, but on the other hand… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! NOT THE CUBS, NICK!!! ANYONE BUT THE CUBS!!! So help me Jeebus if I find out Paul Rudd is a Kansas City Royals fan.

Oh well, guess it’s just me and you, Jon.

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I’m going to keep watching this until they get out.

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Links

Every Face Punch In ‘Road House’ Is Everything You Could Ever Ask For In A Supercut - I prefer that Bloodsport style of 80s-movie punch where you get hit and you turn and throw up blood, but maybe that’s just me. And Chong Li. [UPROXX]

Hanksy Broadens His Pop Culture Horizons With Cosby, Danson, And Gosling-Inspired Works - Somebody needs to add a Cosby sweater to every piece of graffiti ever. I want the HI HOW ARE YOU frog thing in Austin to have a Cosby sweater. [UPROXX]

Lindsay Lohan Will Host Saturday Night Live For Some Reason - She’s gotta promote those washed-out Terry Richardson cigarette ads somehow! [Warming Glow]

Scientists Create Substance That Could Let People Climb Like Spider-Man - My dreams are coming true. What a wonderful world wherein I might one day be able to dispatch a lightning guy by tossing a manhole cover at him! [Gamma Squad]

Oscar Voters Are 94% White, The Rest Are Erik Estrada And Lorenzo Lamas - The good news: now at least Midnight In Paris has a chance of winning stuff. [Film Drunk]

Peter King Says As An Underdog, We Underrate The Underdog Faction - “If your NFL market is experiencing signs of depression, consult your medical professional and have them sign journeyman returner Eddie Abilify.” [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

B.o.B.: So Good - Only if I get to look at Hayley Williams for every 45 seconds of him rapping. I could really use a wish right now. [Smoking Section]

Cage Potato’s Comprehensive 2012 MMA App Buyer’s Guide - Somebody should make an app about UK women’s mixed martial arts and call it “Angry Birds”. [Cage Potato]

Are ‘Downton Abbey’ Trading Cards Gonna Be the Next Craze? - Only if I have to tap Manor to use them. [The FW]

The 30 Reasons Why We’ll Miss ‘Downton Abbey’- They should let Whitney Cummings remake this show for CBS about a wacky girl trying to make it on her own in the big city and call it ‘Downtown Abby’. [Pajiba]

Sports Cards For Insane People: Have A Happy, Creepy Valentine’s Day! - The back of Greg “The Hammer” Valentine’s card is the best, I just wish the front said I BROKE WAHOO’S LEG, VALENTINE with hearts around it. [SB Nation]

Pierre Abernathy: The Dirty Dirty Sheets Interview - Check out this interview with the funniest pro wrestler you probably haven’t heard of. His moonsault is the stuff of legend. [DirtyDirtySheets]

Ron Swanson Is On IMDB - “Give me all the production credits you have.” [Buzzfeed]