Butch Lumpkin can play 18 holes of golf and break 80. He can play tennis. And he does all of this without having any functional arms. I have never felt lazier in my life.

In the 1950’s and 1960’s there were between ten and twenty thousand “Thalidomide Babies” born after their [mothers] took the drug to combat morning sickness. Butch Lumpkin is one of the approximately 5,000 survivors world-wide. Born with what he calls “short arms,” he really has what amounts to no functional arms at all. Three fingers extend from his left side in a flipper like manner, and his right arm ends before the elbow with three fingers that point backward toward his body. –ButchLumpkin.org

Lumpkin cited sports as the one forum where he could be treated equally by others, because “you don’t want to get beat by a man with no arms.” Nobody wants to get beat by a guy named Butch, either. The Golf Channel did a profile on him, but he also has a video of his own, which you can see after the jump. Thanks to @ShaneBacon for the heads-up.
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This is Aimee Mullins, who has done everything from working at the Pentagon while studying at Georgetown to modeling in London to working as an actor in film. I guess we’re calling them actors now. But anyway, you’re going to feel like an even lazier bastard when I tell you that Aimee has done all of these things with prosthetic legs.

Mullins was born with missing fibulae and had to endure double amputation just below the knee when she was just a year old. But that never stopped her from running track at Georgetown. Or from being a smoking hot piece of tail. And her carbon fiber legs that she uses to run? They cost over $15,000 a pop. That’s 15 large for each leg. That’s a couple of Toyotas. And you thought that necklace you were buying for your girlfriend for Christmas was pricey. Panda.

Deadspin dug up footage from some paralympic ice hockey game titled Fugledansen, which I guess is the kind of dancin’ one does when his fugles don’t work anymore. But the fight unfolds like any other hockey fight, Canada gets a little too chippy with Team USA’s goalie, and then it’s a dosie-doe and away they go. Everyone got involved, and consequently each player served two minutes on the penalty ramp.

This was a big semifinal game–the winning team got dibs on the arena’s handicapped spaces for the finals.

[via Puck Daddy]

“Take your wheelchair ramp and shove it”

I’m not one to say anything positive about Boston — or anything, really — but Boston.com has another killer photo essay (you may remember their series on women’s fencing from the Olympics).  This collection of images showcases the Paralympics in Beijing, and you can see things like:

• Opening ceremonies.  Did Hou Bin (above) really need to be attached to his wheelchair to climb the rope and light the Paralympic flame?  Seems like an unnecessary weight to attach to the guy.
• Blind soccer players complaining to the referee. “C’mon!  You HAD to have seen that!  … Um, or so I would assume.”
• Gruesome spills in the track events — both wheelchairs and the springy leg prosthetics.  Makes me realize that track is like NASCAR: way more compelling with crashes.
• A guy using his mouth to pull back his bowstring in an archery event… because he only has one arm.

All told, it’s some compelling photography that draws attention to a sporting event that hasn’t gotten the praise it deserves. I won’t even say things like “I’d give my right arm for…” something because I can’t imagine life without it.  Hell, I’m not even willing to part with a toe (I need those for balance!).  I doubt I could embrace a handicap and thrive like these people have.  Unless there’s an event for staying in bed and crying.

[East Coast Bias]

The Paralympics are being held in Beijing, and the women’s wheelchair 5000m race will be re-run after six of the 11 finalists were upended in a crash during the race’ final 500 meters. Sheesh. Women drivers, am I right?

Three countries protested the race won by Diane Roy of Canada after 6 of 11 racers crashed and piled up on the track. Roy crossed the finish line first in a Games record 11:54.03 minutes and went through the entire medal ceremony before learning of the successful protest.

I’m more likely to make fun of cancer research than people in wheelchairs, but still, I gotta admit, that crash was pretty cool.  Like a cross between NASCAR and the scene in Gladiator where the chick gets sawed in half by the chariot axle.  Um, I mean, good luck on Friday ladies!

[Story from Steady Burn, video rip courtesy Awful Announcing]

Thanks to the very lovely Texas Gal at Center Field for alerting me to this charity dance contest among Red Sox players:

Each player was paired with a professional dance partner who, in two hours, taught merengue and salsa steps that usually take two weeks to master. The event was Cuban-themed to celebrate Lowell's heritage. It didn't take long for his teammates to lighten the mood, beginning with Papelbon, whom [sic] came out in a black lace top — a hard look for any dancer to pull off, not to mention one with a build like the intimidating Red Sox closer. Pedroia came out and proceeded to rip off his shirt while dancing his best. Red Sox manager Terry Francona attended the event, while teammates Jason Varitek, Tim Wakefield, Josh Beckett, Javier Lopez, Sean Casey and Jacoby Ellsbury all provided emotional support and some unbiased judging during the nerve-wracking dancing contest.

In a related story, I hold a Cuban themed dance contest every year on my birthday at the gentlemen's club. The most popular dance? The "Lewinsky". -KD