Yesterday, I wrote a thing about WWE’s pro wrestling-themed charity/parody ‘Jingle Bells’ video, a clip that you either found hilarious or soul-crushing depending on how seriously you take fake fighting. If you watch it long enough, it goes from one side of the spectrum to the other, both ways.

With Leather reader Colin Plint dropped in to mention that wrestling Christmas carols are nothing new, and shared this link of the roster of Japan’s Pro Wrestling NOAH singing Tatsuro Yamashita’s “Christmas Eve” back in 2005. It features some legit pro wrestling legends (including Kenta Kobashi wistfully singing his ass off and the late Mitsuharu Misawa singing from behind his desk) and a few stars fans of mainstream U.S. wrestling would recognize, like Too Cold Scorpio (WWE’s Flash Funk) or Nigel McGuinness (of Ring Of Honor and TNA fame). Not to mention former ROH Champion Takeshi Morishima wearing a San Antonio Spurs jacket.

Anyway, what I’m getting at is “weird, endearing videos of pro wrestlers singing Christmas songs.” Video is below.

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My two favorite things in the world are probably:

1. Christmas, and
2. Wrestling

At the same time, I can’t stand when those two things come together, be it a “Tribute to The Troops” special where Divas wrestle in Santa suits and Santa gets the stunner or whatever or my aunt getting me an XXL John Cena t-shirt from K-Mart because she knows I like wrestling, but hasn’t seen or talked to me in like five years.

So I have to warn you: I’m about to show you a video of the WWE roster singing a WWE-themed version of Jingle Bells with a charity chaser, and it is gleeful and magical and filled with wonder and I am going to throw myself through the window. Video is below. Human brain and heart discretion is advised.

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UFC ring girl and professional soccer ball sitter-nearer Arianny Celeste announced via Twitter on Wednesday that the music video for her song ‘Top Of The World’ had arrived, and if you’re worried that Paris Hilton-ish club banger from a lady who walks around in her underwear for a living might be a rushed, Rebecca Black affair, don’t be — this baby has all the lens flares, costume changes and ill-defined sci-fi plots of a summer blockbuster.

Here’s the story of the ‘Top Of The World’ video, as I understand it. A pair of U.S. astronauts (?) orbiting the Earth need a human male for some reason, so they use their People Making Machine to make a female Terminator (Celeste, doing full-on Terminator style time travel kneels) and send her down to the planet’s surface to make out with a guy in a swimming pool, go dancing and get married. Once that’s done, they can beam him up to their ship, where they strap him to a table and leave him alone. So many questions. If they had a People Making Machine, why didn’t they just make a guy instead of an octagon girl? Why did they need to get married? Does that contractually obligate him to space travel and dissection? If all they needed to do was hug, couldn’t they have beamed him up when they were macking in the pool? OH NO, MY PRECIOUS BRAIN!

Anyway, check out the video for yourself and see if you can figure it out. Or, you know, stare at all the cleavage and butt shots. Your decision.

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At the risk of ruining a perfectly cromulent Dugout, I wanted to share the latest commercial from Explore Minnesota, a group hoping to embiggen the state’s tourism. This is a fine follow-up to the Jim Thome Paul Bunyan commercial, even if it gives me fewer images of Kent Hrbek desperately trying to outrace a steam engine. Stay tuned until the end, where Twins catcher Joe Mauer breaks out some Chris Colfer-quality warbling. Would auto-tune be considered a performance enhancer? He’s not a great singer, but at least he isn’t trying to rhyme “California” with “Minnesota” like the rock climbing lady.

This is all in good fun, but I’m sad that only two kinds of commercials get to exist anymore. You’re either the Old Spice commercials (I’m looking at you, Edge Shave Gel), the Free Credit Report dot com commercials, or (like this one) a mixture of the two. I guess the makeup commercials where they make black ladies look like white ladies to sell shimmering eye-care count as a third kind.

Informal poll: How many of you want to go to Minnesota now that you’ve learned they have food, cities and lots of water?

While signing huge alimony checks to his ex-wife and not signing with any NBA teams, Shaquille O’Neal is known for being an attention hog, gladly clinging to anything that can keep him in the spotlight. And this week that host body is 16-year old pop star Justin Bieber. Shaq showed up during Bieber’s sound check on Tuesday before his show in Phoenix, and what took place was one of the most embarrassing things to happen to the US Airways Center since the Phoenix Mercury.

Shaq and J-Biebs traded jokes with each other before Shaq professed his love for the pint-sized Canadian via song. Crooned O’Neal: “Justin Bieber, yes I love you. I hope you like me, I’m your biggest fan.” And nobody tell Shaq that his shtick ever gets old, because his brand of humor is timeless and refreshing like Andy Rooney or Vaudeville.

Remind Shaq that he’s 76-years old, Billboard:

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