As the Chicago White Sox have joined their North Side counterparts, the Chicago Cubs, in being eliminated from the playoffs, media speculation has once again turned to Mouth of the South Side, Ozzie Guillen, and his future with the White Sox. Guillen and Sox GM Kenny Williams famously hate each other, so the rumor mill is heating up over the decision that owner Jerry Reinsdorf will eventually have to make, between Guillen and Williams. And the man he doesn’t choose… DIES! MUAHAHAHAHA *coughs, hacks up lung butter*

Reinsdorf has yet to make any inclination of personnel changes, but the local media seems to believe that Guillen is as good as gone, despite recently winning a World Series and all that stupid stuff. Guillen is under contract through 2011 and has a team option for 2012, however he has hinted that if the White Sox part ways with him, he’ll be more than happy to take the Cubs manager job. The man just wants to be loved, damnit. Is that so much to ask?

Hey Ozzie, won’t you babble a bunch of nonsense at us and make us feel dumber in the process?

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Major League Baseball umpire Joe West is a man of many hats, having first stepped behind the plate in 1976, serving as the president of the World Umpires Association, and being a successful country music singer. West’s desire for attention is no secret, and this week he may have pushed his last button with the MLB brass when his PR representative made him available to the media to discuss his April comments regarding the Yankees and Red Sox playing too long and his latest verbal quarrel with Ozzie Guillen.

However, as West has a reputation for doing, he’s being accused of using his on-field antics to support his upcoming country music album and possibly his line of umpire equipment and gear as well. MLB executives spoke with West on the phone yesterday, and it is believed that the conversation wasn’t friendly. In fact, MLB may be pressing to suspend West, but it’s sort of tough seeing as he’s the president of the umpire governing body. And oh what a large body it is.

Save the Queen from Reggie Jackson, Yahoo! Sports Rumors:

His transgression? West has reportedly been trying to get reporters to talk to him about something Major League Baseball wants everybody to forget about: when he called the New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox “pathetic and embarrassing” because of their long game times. West also wants to talk to reporters about ejecting Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen and pitcher Mark Buerhle.

West’s latest controversy came when he ejected Buerhle and Guillen after they argued two balk calls. Buerhle is widely considered to have one of the best pick off moves in baseball, so balk calls are even more rare with the White Sox veteran. Guillen, equally good at attracting the spotlight, has fired back all week with profanities that would make George Carlin quit the Navy.

MLB officials are expected to have a decision soon, and West will continue to talk to any media outlet that is interested in his side of the story. Like the Food Network, for instance. Joe would love to stop by Ace of Cakes for the next few months.

Look, I’m not a big fan of the “[Hispanic player/coach] MOWS MY LAWN” shirts; they’re long on ethnic stereotyping and short on Teh Funny (and that’s coming from a guy that did this post on KSK last year). But when White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen found someone selling “OZZIE MOWS WRIGLEY FIELD” shirts in front of 1060 West Addison on his way to work (the Sox play the Cubs in Wrigley today), he made a statement of his own. From Mark Gonzales at the Trib’s Hardball blog:

Guillen bought a T-shirt and wore it in the clubhouse. “I might cut lawns but I don’t stand in the rain selling T-shirts,” Guillen said, laughing.

It’s a refreshing attitude to have, if not a counter-productive one. I would have loved to see the look on the vendor’s face when that transaction went down, assuming the guy would have been smart enough to recognize Guillen without his landscaping gear. Hey, that was totally uncalled for! Oh, wait…I wrote that.

|as first seen on Amy K. Nelson’s Twitter feed. The “K” stands for “baseball.”|

Amid a typical flurry of Tourette-fueled ranting, Ozzie Guillen owned up to having opposing hitters beaned in retaliation for when one of his players gets hit. This, of course, is something all managers do, but aren't supposed to say that they do, because that would make Wally and the Beeve doubt the beneficent nature of their fellow man. Then go rob a liquor store.

“I’ve hit people before on purpose,” said Guillen, the Chicago White Sox manager, after a game Sunday in which umpires levied a suspect ejection in the fifth inning of a blowout when Chicago reliever D.J. Carrasco hit Kansas City’s Miguel Olivo with the bases loaded and incited a bench-emptying square dance.

“Yes I have,” Guillen continued. “Because that’s my job. Protect my players.”

“You think I’m going to bring somebody in to hit somebody and they’re going to throw a fastball 82 (mph) at the hands?” Guillen said. “I’m going to bring in my best guy and make sure he gets it done. That’s Major League Baseball. That’s baseball. That’s the baseball I grew up with. Not the (expletive) they play right now.”

Other than wanting to kick in the writer in the nuts for using the cornball euphemism of "square dance" rather than just saying it was a fight,  I'm always buoyed by the open admission of excessive violence in sports. That's right, you don't bring in Greg Maddux to hit someone, you call in a guy with 102 mph fastball and no control like Daniel Cabrera. That way the guy can get drilled in the head when you said you were just asking for a beaning to the hip.

The White Sox tried to break out of their slump by placing blow-up dolls in their clubhouse on Sunday, and boy did it work out great: they lost the final two games in Toronto as the Blue Jays completed a four-game sweep in which the Sox managed just 16 hits and got shut out twice. 

On Sunday, the bats were circled around the two naked female dolls, one of whom had a bat inserted in its backside to prop it up. [Yes... to "prop it up" -Ed.] Each wore a sign over her breasts, one saying "Let's Go White Sox" and the other reading "You've Got to Push," the National Post in Toronto reported.

Okay, so not really classy, but about what you'd expect from a team managed by Ozzie Guillen.  But wait — if this happened in the clubhouse, why is it news?  Well, if you had "overly sensitive activist group" in your office douche pool, collect your prize.

One group not amused by the prank was the Association for Women in Sports Media, whose members work toward ensuring a non-threatening work environment for all women in sports media. "The presence of those dolls creates an uncomfortable situation for any female journalist who enters the White Sox locker room simply trying to do her job," said Jenni Carlson, the group's president, in an e-mail.

Just like a bunch of feminists to bitch about everything.  "Don't make a threatening work environment."  "Don't intimidate us."  "Don't wave your genitalia at us." "Don't depict us as being anally violated with baseball bats."  Sheesh, and they wonder why they're still single. 

Investigatey UPDATE: Thanks to commenters HHY and Cock Flashy, who note that Jenni Carlson is the same woeful journalist who was the target of Oklahoma State football coach Mike Gundy's epic rant.  Her complaint against the White Sox is obviously the work of someone who is NOT A MOTHER who's never had their child's HEART BROKEN when a BLOW-UP DOLL DIDN'T BREAK A SLUMP!!!

Here's a White Sox radio commercial where manager Ozzie Guillen curses at a child.  Get it?  It's funny 'cause it's true. 

[Big League Stew via FanHaus]