Yesterday, we shared with you the news that beloved (cough) Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen has parted ways with the organization because he couldn’t fly to Spain on their dime and wanted a bigger boat. In the Bard’s own words, by way of the Chicago Sun-Times:

“If I leave here, I will say, ‘I leave here because I want to make my [bleeping] money,’ ” he said. “You know why? Because no [bleeping] fans, no [bleeping] Jerry or [bleeping] anybody is going to take care of my grandkids and put me in a 62-foot boat. That’s why there’s free agency.’’

The Dugout has been on a brief hiatus while I was away on vacation and/or readjusting to the rigors of going to work every day in my underwear, so please enjoy this super-sized edition featuring the entire Ozzie Guillen saga, from his announcement of free agency to his Floridian journey and all the way back to Chicago, where the managers flow like wine. If you get concerned about the accents as you read, please remember how Ozzie Guillen actually sounds, and consider that I did him a favor.

The strip will be back in our regular rotation again from here on out (because baseball season being over is the best time for Dugouts, because I’m not watching baseball and things are actually happening) so be sure to like us on Facebook to keep up with the stories and drop us a comment either here or there. We’d also appreciate feedback in the form of 62-foot boats.

Today’s Dugout follows.

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He learned from the best.

In baseball news you expect, but never really expect:

Ozzie Guillen is expected to become the Marlins’ new manager in exchange for infielder Osvaldo Martinez and a minor-league player, MLB.com reports.

Guillen was let out of his contract with the Chicago White Sox after Monday night’s game. Being let out of his contract meant Guillen was technically free to negotiate with any team, but the club had arranged a deal with the Marlins should they want to bring Ozzie down, and they do. So ends a managing stint that touched every color of the baseball success spectrum, from the blinding violet of a 2005 World Series Championship to the deep, depressing reds of having to deal with the dumb sh*t the Guillen family posts on Twitter.

In case you thought this story seemed too much like professionals deciding to part ways, the Chicago Sun-Times helpfully notes that Guillen asked out of his contract so he could buy a boat. A bleeping boat.

“You know what I saw a couple days ago?’’ he said. “I saw a 62-foot boat. That’s what I want, and that’s what I’m going to get. People have to pay me for that. White Sox? I don’t know. Marlins? I don’t know. But somebody will pay. I want to buy my [bleeping] boat. That’s my inspiration. My inspiration is money. That’s everybody’s inspiration.’’

He had started to pace, ­energized by what he was saying and frustrated by whatever signals he had been getting from the front office.

“If I leave here, I will say, ‘I leave here because I want to make my [bleeping] money,’ ” he said. “You know why? Because no [bleeping] fans, no [bleeping] Jerry or [bleeping] anybody is going to take care of my grandkids and put me in a 62-foot boat. That’s why there’s free agency.’’

And the pièce de résistance, which should be written on a piece of paper and pinned to his satin Marlins jacket, or at the very least engraved on his tombstone:

“I work in this job for money. I don’t work for nothing. Money. That’s it. The ring? [Bleep] the ring. I don’t even wear my [bleeping] rings. I don’t.’’

Good luck in Miami, Ozzie, with your gigantic boat and not five, not six championships. The AL Central will be a much less irrationally emotional place without you.

Ozzie Guillen is never at a loss for exciting post-game quotes. Actually he’s always at a loss, but that’s what makes these so good. I almost cherry-picked “no energy in the dugout and a horsesh** approach at the plate” or “it’s going to be a f**king long-ass God damn July”, but I think this response late in the interview sums things up perfectly.

“A lot of people say sh*t I talk sh*t because I have to talk sh*t. No I don’t. I talk sh*t because I have [bup bup] what I see, that’s all it I see. Very bad. Very bad.”

Of course, that’s paraphrased. He might’ve been saying something nice.

To his credit, Guillen and the White Sox did have a terrible night. The Chicago White Sox fell 2-1 in 11 innings to the basement-dwelling Kansas City Royals, and during the eighth inning a foul ball doing God’s work hit Ozzie in the eyeball. The way the AL Central looks right now, a bad weekend could put the Sox behind the Twins and even closer to the bottom of the division. As the night dragged on, Ozzie cooled down and hopped on Twitter to close out the story.

According to my three years of high school Spanish (and the educational television program “Destinos”) “vamosa vino tinto” means “going to the red wine.” I’m not 100% on “duro pa lante”, but I have no reason to believe Ozzie’s any better at Spanish than he is at English.

Edit: Because I suddenly have a huge Spanish speaking audience, it’s been brought to my attention that Ozzie’s tweet boils down to “Go Venezuelan soccer team, let’s be tough”. So it’s good that Ozzie could move on from his no good very bad day, and bad that I’m too American to understand anything other than the messed up pseudo-language I speak.

[h/t Big League Stew]

“Macho Man” Randy Savage died today. I’m sure you’ve been hearing about it from people you’d never associate with wrestling. He meant a lot to a lot of people and was one of the best in history at what he did, even if he was one of the most bizarre and complexly flawed human beings to ever gain fame.

One of the weirdest things about is passing is Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen sharing his thoughts on Twitter. It’s not weird to go on Twitter and share your thoughts, and it isn’t really surprising that Ozzie Guillen follows pro wrestling, but honestly Ozzie Guillen saying anything is weird. So, Ozzie and I are going to cope together. Today’s Dugout follows. Dig it?

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"WHY YOU NEVER #FF ME?!?!"

As the Chicago White Sox continue to struggle, manager Ozzie Guillen’s delightful fiery Venezuelan blood is heating up and that’s good news for us. Last night, after a disagreement over balls and strikes with umpire Todd Tichener, Guillen was ejected for the first time this season. Sox slugger Paul Konerko was called out on strikes in the first inning and Guillen was already voicing his displeasure with Tichener’s strike zone. Even better, Guillen claims he had no idea who Tichener was, which means that he didn’t really care about hurting his feelings. If only Ozzie could manage every game for every team.

After Konerko was called out looking at strike 3, Tichener told Guillen not to step on the field and Guillen ignored the warning resulting in his ejection. Guillen, of course, broke out his lexicon of terrible things to call a person and it was vintage Guillen before he finally left the game. But thanks to the miracle of social networking, Guillen took his anger to Twitter to discuss matters further.

Guillen reacted harshly when asked afterward about posting Twitter messages immediately after his ejection.

“I no worry about that,” Guillen said. “Let’s talk about [expletive] baseball. [Expletive] tweeting.” (Via ESPN)

You can read the Tweets below, and yeah, they are pretty disappointing. Mainly because the Tweet right below them was about spending time with the New York Police Department, so if you don’t pay attention to the time stamps it could sound a bit more adventurous. I’m just hoping that this was a trial run for Guillen and that he makes this a regular occurrence, because his Tweets are otherwise boring. He needs to be more Iron Sheik and less Iron Chef. Also, Jose Canseco needs some competition in the terrible English department.

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Ozzie Guillen has been the gift that keeps on giving since taking the helm of the Chicago White Sox in 2004. Here, he dons an ugly Christmas sweater and implores you to buy the White Sox 13-game season ticket plan. I’ll be honest, that sounds like a lot of baseball to watch, but if Ozzie was sitting next to me and swearing his ass off throughout that package, you could put me down for the whole season. But I’d want a sweater. Ozzie could be the dad I never had. No, I mean he really could be. We’re still waiting on the DNA test.

See the video after the jump. Thanks to Weed Against Speed for the heads-up on that link..