The video is called “West Edmonton Mall Base Jumping,” but it could just as easily be called “here’s a Canadian guy doing something Brandon’s always wanted to do — jumping from the second level of the mall to the first without dying — but has never done, thanks to a combination of impulse control, a need for personal safety and no friends around going AHH GEE WHIZ HE’S GONNA DO IT, YAHHH”. That’s probably too long. (via The Daily What)

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Links

All The ‘Stuffing Your Face With Food’ GIFs You’ll Need For Thanksgiving |UPROXX|

Let’s Talk About Last Night’s ‘Happy Endings’: “More Like Stanksgiving” |Warming Glow|

This Real-Life ‘Up’ House Is Here To Take You Away |Gamma Squad|

Sports On TV: Boy Meets World’s 20 Greatest Sports Moments |With Leather

Ben Roethlisberger Almost Had A Thanksgiving Kid |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Microsoft Wants To Power The Internet With Farts, Basically |UPROXX|

When John Madden Interviewed Mike Tyson |The Smoking Section|

Supercut: Thanksgiving Dos And Don’ts From The Movies |Film Drunk|

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Last Friday night, 9-0 Placer high school of Auburn, California defeated 4-5 Colfax 24-7 in a much-hyped revenge game, and that’s fun because, Yay sports! But the real entertainment was actually provided by a random shirtless bro who stumbled onto to the high school football field at some point, because he had a bottle of water and wanted to make sure everybody saw how well he could pour it all out. Either that, or he’s a viral fashion marketer and he wanted everyone to see his hot, new style – belt-off low-rise jeans. Those are the only possible reasons I can think of as to why this bro would walk on to a football field during a game.

Well, I guess maybe he could just be an a-hole. Either way, he’s an a-hole in a lot of pain, because as you’ll see in the video after the jump, there’s pretty much only one response you should expect if people think you’re threatening them at a high school.

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The best part of this video is that she doesn’t even fail the way you’re expecting to. Just pure, athletic sadness. (via Sweater Punch)

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Links

The Best Of Martin Starr’s UPROXX Live Discussion, Now With Visual Aids|UPROXX|

McNulty Turned Down A Role On ‘Game Of Thrones’ |Warming Glow|

This Week In Posters & Stills: Liberace, Red Dawn, & Dogs With Sunglasses |Film Drunk|

The Best Of Brooklyn Decker On DeviantArt |With Leather|

7 Dinosaurs Discovered Since The Last Jurassic Park Movie That Need To Be In Jurassic Park 4 |Gamma Squad|

5 Things We Definitely Know About iPhone 5 (& What We Think We Know) |Smoking Section|

KSK 2012 NFL Prekkake: Carolina Panthers |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

On Kevin Hart, The Four Types Of Awful Gym People And Proper Etiquette |Smoking Section|

Gamma Squad Review: Total Recall |Gamma Squad|

The Ambassador Is Out, Looks Insane |Film Drunk|

‘Louie’ Recap: The 7 Most Soul-Crushing Moments From ‘Barney/Never’ |Warming Glow|

Would You Like A Song With Your Meth? The ‘Breaking Bad’ Cooking Scenes Soundtrack |UPROXX|

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Finally, something less constructive than Air Sex!

Welcome to Britain’s National Shin-Kicking Championships, a test of European might wherein guys stuff hay into their tube socks and kick each other in the shins until one falls down. It’s the centerpiece of the Cotswold Olimpick Games, a 400-year tradition that also includes potato sack races and tug-of-war. I don’t know exactly why this happens, but my working theory is that a bunch of 8-year olds in 1600s Great Britain f**ked around on Field Day and didn’t stop for four centuries. That, or England bases its athletic exhibitions on episodes of ‘The Brady Bunch’.

Our very own Christmas Ape wrote about the sport in 2008 and Burnsy’s hero is the Thunder Shin Man, but this is my first chance to share two guys kicking the sh*t out of each others’ shins for sport and I’m taking it. But hey, don’t think shin-kicking is just about kicking another guy in the shins — that would royally piss off judge James Wiseman.

“I kind of get quite annoyed when people think shin-kicking is literally two guys just facing each other and kicking each other as hard as possible in the shins.”

“It’s like they didn’t even SEE us stuffing hay into our socks.”

Maybe this just started off as a way for British guys to ruin their opponents for the sack race. I don’t know, I’m going to spend the rest of the day coming up with explanations.

Ever since Lance Armstrong decided to retire from Tour de France competition, nobody in America has cared much about the biggest event in cycling, with the exception of Tom Danielson and Christian Vande Velde, but 17th and 19th place ain’t going to cut it, fellas. However, this weekend gave us a few crashes to tickle our appetites for destruction.

Yesterday, a crash in the race’s 9th stage seemingly ended the career of Alexandre Vinokourov, above, who was famously banned after testing positive for PEDs at the 2007 Tour de France. He retired shortly after that ban, but then decided in 2009 that he didn’t want his career to end that way. Instead, it has apparently ended with a broken femur. But that’s arguably better than Jurgen Van Den Broeck of Belgium, as he was also involved in yesterday’s crash and is currently in the ICU with a shattered shoulder, collapsed lung and three broken ribs.

“Jurgen needs to stay two or three more days in intensive care,” team doctor Els Lemmens told Belgian television. “We have to make sure that his breathing problems don’t get any worse. We were worried about his abdominal pain because we feared a ruptured spleen or liver but that has turned out not to be the case. Everything is under control now.” (Via Cycling News)

Meanwhile, Spain’s Juan Antonio Flecha was sideswiped by a TV car during yesterday’s stage, causing him to collide with Dutch racer Johnny Hoogerland (new favorite name – Ed.), who in turn crashed into a barbed wire fence and suffered a series of lacerations.

Images after the jump, might be a little unsafe for the easily squeamish.

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It's videos the rest of the day, kiddies.  I've got a backlog of 'em, and I wanna get done early to go enjoy some sunshine.  This one here is via Deuce of Davenport, and it makes me happy that I didn't become a gymnast.  Mostly because I like being straight, but not having my legs snapped like kindling is pretty nice too.