"Missed it by THAT much."

I’ve seen a lot of unfortunate stuff during soccer games — not limited to fans throwing grenades at players and a kid in San Francisco running the length of the field to score a goal on her own team — but I’ve never seen anything quite as coincidentally unfortunate as what happened to Sporting Lokeren goalkeeper Boubacar Copa Barry during Sunday’s game against Club Brugge in the Belgian Pro League.

Barry was knocked unconscious when he dove to his right in an attempt to save Carlos Bacca’s shot and ended up lawn-darting himself into the goal post. Here’s the clip, which bleeds into “funny” territory now that we know he isn’t dead or paralyzed.

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Last night, the St. Louis Cardinals were able to avoid falling into a season-long 2-game losing streak by defeating the Arizona Diamondbacks 6-1 on the strength of the longball and Jaime Garcia’s return to “good enough” after shoulder surgery. But none of that matters right now, because one of my all-time favorite things that can ever happen at a baseball game took place in the top of the 7th inning after Pete Kozma hit a home run to center field.

A male fan, enjoying the game with his special gal, saw the ball approaching them and he promptly stood in front of his babe, extended his arm and caught the ball before presenting it to her as a token of his love. JUST KIDDING. He jumped away like a frightened rabbit and the ball hit her in the head!

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I can’t claim to know much about the Dutch second division, nor do I know about De Graafschap or SC Veendam. I do, however, know two important things about soccer:

1. If you are a pro soccer player and the goal is wide open, you should probably be able to get it in.
2. “Jumping at the ball like a dolphin” is not an effective way to do this.

That’s what Polish striker Piotr Parzyszek pulled about nine feet in front of the wide-ass-open goal in this clip. He’s going for a header, I guess, and instead just jumped into the air like a fish and failed. Those boos were well-deserved. At first I thought he was trying to flop off his own header, but no, it was simply shame.

I’d also like to recommend that you go back and watch this entire highlight video, because this guy’s name is super funny to me:

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You may have seen a clip floating around of an Orlando Magic cheerleader going up for a stunt and accidentally powerbombing herself to the floor of the Amway Arena. If you haven’t, it goes a little something like this:

That in itself is enough for a post on a comedy sports blog (especially if I just type “here’s an cheerleader falling on it’s head RT if you agree” at the top and publish it for massive, Busted Coverage-style traffic), but the reason I’m sharing it now is because of the esoteric, epic troll executed by the person at ABC News put in charge of the “injured cheerleaders” timeline graphic.

It covers a few important talking points — that over 37,000 cheerleaders went to the emergency room in 2011, and how cheerleading ranks #2 behind football on the list of most injury-prone sports — and right there at the beginning is a photo of another famous cheerleader who took a tumble: Laura Palmer, the Twin Peaks, Washington, cheerleader and homecoming queen who was found dead and wrapped in plastic in a river back in 1990. You know, on the TV show ‘Twin Peaks’.

Here’s the original video, in case you think I just got Burnsy to photoshop her in there as a viral promotion for the next Sports On TV column:

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The best part of this Polish double knockout video is that it happened at an event called “MMA Night Of Champions”. If these are the champions, I’d hate to see the runners up. (via Cage Potato)

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Links

Funny, Sexy, And Austin Cosplay Of The Week: The Best And Worst Of Wizard World Austin 2012 |Gamma Squad|

Here’s A Collection Of Extremely Fake Hurricane Sandy Photos Foolish People Are Falling For |UPROXX|

Christina Aguilera’s Halloween Costume Is Very Confusing |Warming Glow|

Wellington Airport’s Gollum sculpture celebrates New Zealand’s first-ever contribution to culture |Film Drunk|

The Cheesehead Bed, For Packers Fans Who Never Want To Get Laid Again |With Leather|

Could A New Eminem Album Be On The Way? |Smoking Section|

The Best Moments From Week 8 Sunday |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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Today’s A.M. edition of Hot Clicks featured a bike race crash video with an hilariously enthusiastic description (“F2: Main Race, part one! Awesome fish hook crash! XR100 Racing. Glad that you are OK!!”) and a lesson for Brandon Stroud: do not ever go near bike races.

If you’ve ever played Road Rash for the Sega Genesis (or driven a Sanchez in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas), you’ll be right at home watching this poor guy fall off his bike, get caught under the helmet by another rider until the apology reflex reaches said dude’s brain. Things work themselves out in the end — I would not share an actual beheading with you, and UPROXX doesn’t have a Faces Of Death channel — but it’s not any less scary.

You can check out the video below.

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