You’re not going to believe this, but apparently punching other people in the testicular region can cause lasting damage. I know, it’s just like the other parts of your body! But apparently ambush Golota attacks are becoming all the rage, but keep in mind that this is coming from MSNBC.

The issue was highlighted by news last week that a 14-year-old Minnesota boy, David Gibbons, had to have his right testicle removed after a hallway assault.“This is, in fact, a form of bullying,” Atala said. “Someone may do that without realizing the consequences of their actions.”

Bruises, blood clots, testicular torsion — in which the organ twists up to 360 degrees — and, more rarely, testicular rupture, all are consequences of blunt force trauma to the testicles, including injuries caused by close-range punches.

Nearly 8,000 young men were treated for “testicular torsion” last year, and that’s up sharply from previous years. But this is has sort of taken on a rape dynamic, in that injured boys are choosing to live with the pain instead of coming forward. So to all the young people out there, don’t ever be ashamed to…Hey, what’s that over there?

BAM! Oh, I just got you so good! It’s alright, just walk it off.

I stopped skateboarding when I was 14 and I realized that I’d never be any good at it. Plus all the work of constantly pushing with your foot seemed too much like running to me. This unnamed youngster will quit for two reasons. One, because his skateboard is about to be snapped in half, and two, because…well, you’ll just have to see it. And if you’re watching this at work, this would be a good time to put on some headphones. We have ourselves a screamer. Thanks, UU. Read the rest of this entry »

You’ve seen how some of these college players have invaded YouTube and posted videos of themselves running through walls or jumping over tall objects in hopes of catching on with an NFL team. Such was the objective, presumably, of this individual, who finally musters up the courage to make his jump. Word of advice, sir: if it takes you that long to talk yourself into it, it’s probably a bad idea. Probably. Read the rest of this entry »

Playing defense in soccer is about as thankless as it gets. You have to worry about passing lanes wearing those ridiculous socks, not to mention all that running! I get tired just watching it. Anyway, here’s a guy getting kicked in the balls. Seems like a nice lighthearted way to end a Monday. Come back tomorrow where we’ll show a video of a guy playing tetherball choking himself to death. It’s always funny when it happens someplace else in the world. That’s the beauty of living in an insulated first-world nation like America. It’s like a theme park, except you spend less time at the end of the day looking for your car. Well, slightly less.

Greg Robertson, an Australian diver spear-fishing off the continent’s southern coast, landed an unexpectedly large catch — himself!  (How did I do?  I’m practicing writing ledes for UK tabloids.) No, but seriously, he shot a two-meter spear directly into his groin.

[T]he 25 year old was pushed onto the speargun, which had been washed out of his hands by a wave.  The two metre long spear pierced his inside upper thigh, just millimetres from his genitals and femoral artery, and lodged several centimetres under the skin…

“The spear’s barbed on the end, so it’s locked in there. He got up and said ‘It’s in me, it’s in me!” [a witness said.]

That’s what she said!  Hey, I got a two-meter spear gun for your groin right here! At least, uh, I think I do.  I’m not so good at metric conversion.  Inches and meters are about the same, right?

[Deuce of Davenport]

Here's video (courtesy of AA) of one of the catching Molina brothers getting a Mariano Rivera fastball directly to the groin.  Which one is this?  Yadier?  Bengie?  What do you mean, "Jose"?  There's a THIRD one?  Well, with all those brothers we needn't worry too much about the Molina catcher DNA pool getting thinned out too much.  Plus, he's a Yankee, so I'm fresh out of sympathy for him this morning.

In other testicular destruction-related baseball news, the Diamondbacks' Chris Snyder has been placed on the 15-day DL with a fractured testicle.  Wait, I don't think I quite typed that correctly.  I meant to write OH MY GOD A FRACTURED TESTICLE AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!