The unexpected theme of the week at With Leather has been “soccer is a bad idea and hurts everyone”. We’ve written about a soccer player driving a Porsche through the front of a convenience store at 5:30 in the morning and another sliding dong-first into a goal post trying to stop a shot, not to mention Taiwan’s perspective and a sniper’s on the epidemic of diving. It’s like an entire world of people who cried wolf, then didn’t have anyone around to help them when they lost a testicle or obliterated an entire rack of Funyuns with a luxury automobile.

In the latest example of soccer hurting everyone who goes near it, “football practice goes wrong” chronicles the efforts of a dad who puts his tiny baby child in goal, then blindly kicks a ball toward it as hard as he can as if nothing would happen. I mean, he acts like it was an accident, but all signs point to this guy piefacing an infant for fun and showing it to the Internet. Why even make the kid stand there? SMDH at you, soccer guy.

Now the official list reads:

1. Do not have children.
2. Do not kick soccer balls at childrens’ faces.
3. Do not video tape yourself doing numbers 1 or 2.

[via Sportress]

Even the Buffalo Bills ballboy fails spectacularly. The K on his shirt stands for “kan’t quite make it”. (via The Nosebleeds)

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Links

Our 20 GIF Tribute To TV’s Most Adorable Redhead, ‘Doctor Who’s Karen Gillan |UPROXX|

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Cincinnati hosted Pitt on Thursday night, and while a 34-10 Panthers loss may seem like the biggest fail of the evening, it’s got stiff competition from a Bearcats trumpet player.

As the video illustrates, this poor guy opened the game a la Paul Blart by spectacularly falling down a flight of steps, losing the mouthpiece of his trumpet, going out onto the field for pre-game anyway and spending the entire time helplessly fingering along. The look on his face is a great combination of steely perseverance and “oh god I’m about to crap my pants with embarrassment”. I appreciate his stick-to-itiveness, but damn, one trumpet isn’t a big deal, when you careen down some stadium stairs and faceplant on the turf it may be a sign for you to log-roll away in shamed silence and let the rest of the band handle it.

Regardless, we salute you, brave Cincinnati trumpet player. The next time I’m going through the motions hoping nobody notices, I’ll think of you.

[via Kegs N' Eggs]

Man, look at that. RipTide ate it.

A rough night for Norfolk Tides mascot, RipTide who took a tumble on his ATV on Sunday, July 15th as the Tides played the Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs. Not to worry…RipTide and the ATV were just fine.

The good news it that RipTide is like 80% padding and fur, so when he faceplants into the dirt the worst thing he’s got to worry about is whiplash. If a member of the Fun Bunch or whatever had taken that spill we’d have to get all maudlin about a dude dying at a Tides game.

I think the saddest part is that RipTide doesn’t roll with it. He gets up and awkwardly rushes back to his ATV to pretend like nothing happened, and he’s left sitting there revving a broken four-wheeler until somebody comes and gets him. Poor guy.

[h/t Round Rock Express mascot Spike] [yes, I follow mascots on Twitter] [shut up]

Tennessee baserunner Lauren Gibson does her best “I’M THE JUGGERNAUT, BITCH” impression against Oregon. Slide to avoid, Lauren, slide to avoid. Alternate point of view: how can we convince Alex Rodriguez to stop sliding into second? (via SportsGrid)

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Links

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“We’re Not Against Rap…We’re Not Against Rappers…” |Smoking Section|

Probably the best headline of all time |Film Drunk|

2012 Summer Olympics American Athletes To Watch: Mariya Koroleva And Mary Killman |With Leather|

And The Newly-Outed Gay Character In DC Comics Is… |Gamma Squad|

TV GIFs of the Week |Warming Glow|

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Back in 2010, we were introduced to a young couple at a Houston Astros game, as they became instant Internet celebrities thanks to every sports blog on the planet and eventually Daniel Tosh. In case your memory is fuzzy from all the meth, Chris Johnson hit a foul ball into the field box along the left field line, and the boyfriend took cover like a frightened toddler as his then-girlfriend was hit by the ball. Needless to say, that relationship didn’t last.

On Sunday, Brandon Inge ousted the “foul ball couple” as the Internet’s favorite fan f*ck-ups when he belted a 3-run home run off rookie Matt Moore in the third inning, and it smacked a Tampa fan right in the gooners. To make matters worse, the ball ricocheted off the Rays fan’s crotch into his lady friend’s face. Really, it’s the feel good video of the summer.

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