Just as I’m willing to be impressed with the vertical agility of this kid in the blue sweatshirt (who’s probably not Welker’s kid, to be honest), this other turd comes outta nowhere and takes his legs out from under him. Which is a horrible thing to do to any one of your friends, unless you get it on tape, which this little bastard did. And then Troy Polamalu threw him some guy’s shirt in the tunnel and three days later Roger Goodell fined him $25,000. He can afford it; look at that house! via.
On 205th knows that if you’re jumping over any body of water, there’s one rule and one rule only: Don’t come up short! Actually, there is a second rule, don’t wear a green shirt. Especially one that’s battery powered like this one. It’s one thing to crack your sternum and teeth into concrete and brick; it’s quite another to get electrocuted when you fall back into the pool. Sorry to lead off with a video today; if you’re looking for ankle-grabbing analysis, you can read my Donte’ Stallworth piece on KSK.
Rumors are swirling that Lance Armstrong could be up to something more than trying to win his eighth Tour de France next year. He may be trying to BUY it.
It may not be unveiled next week, but the word is that Armstrong is involved in a possible buyout of Tour organisers Amaury Sport Organisation from its parent company the Amaury Group.
Furthermore, Armstrong may saddle up in the deal with Hein Verbruggen - the former president and now vice-president of cycling’s world body, the Union Cycliste Internationale. Some say it may be an Armstrong-UCI deal.
Remember how pissed off the French were an American — a Texan, no less — won their precious race seven years in a row? Remember how they actually lined the streets to hurl insults at him, and how the French newspapers constantly accused him of doping even though he was never caught? Yeah. This should go over well.
You know, part of me thinks Lance might still be a little pissed about that stuff. It must be nice to be that rich. “Wait, they said what about me? Well, find what their biggest source of national pride and buy it. Also, adopt their children. I want to raise them in my own image.”
Several dozen people were racing motorcycles at 140 mph on a track in Rome with tight turns, and shockingly, two people — Max Biaggi and Kenan Sufuolu — bumped into each other. Then they regained control of their respective bikes and said, “Phew! That was a close one!”
Naw just kidding. Their motorcycles flipped along the ground, and they went flying through the air at about one-fifth the speed of sound before sliding and rolling along pavement. And I know what you’re asking: Are they dead? Are they dead? Huh? Huh huh huh?
Biaggi clipped the back of Troy Corser, causing him to high-side and collect Kenan Sofuoglu. Despite the high-speed impact, Biaggi was nonetheless able to walk away from the smash unharmed.
Man, that’s disappointing. Although I, for one, see this as a good excuse to clip a motorcyclist the next time they drive between lanes when I’m stopped in traffic. Assholes.
All right, news cycle: I don’t like you, and you don’t like me. But you better start churning out some athlete arrests and sexy coaching scandals and cheerleader pudding wrestling leagues, or I’m going to be forced to do an image gallery of Marisa Miller wearing thigh-highs.
…
Nothing, eh? All right, FINE. Then Marisa Miller pictures it shall be. She has a bike, you see. Thus, it is relevant to the world of sports. In fact, a recent study conducted by my boner found her to be the most compelling figure in the cycling world. Even bigger than that one guy. You know, whatshisface. White guy, always riding a bike?
[NS4W -- note: link has NSFW ads]
A Montana teacher suffered some cuts and bruises but was otherwise okay after he struck a bear while riding his bicycle to school.
Jim Litz said he was traveling about 25 mph Monday morning when he came upon a rise and spotted a black bear about 10 feet in front of him. He didn’t have time to stop and T-boned the bruin.
He tumbled over the handlebars, his helmet hit the bear’s back and the two went cartwheeling down the road.
The bear rolled over Litz’s head, cracking his helmet, and scratched his back before scampering up a hill above the road.
A funnier thing would have been if the bear had been riding the bicycle. I saw that at the circus when I was young. Mom and Dad cleaned the elephant cage, and I sold tickets.
(Photo: AP/Michael Gallacher, “Ouch my spleen”)
