Last summer, as the majority of NFL players were worried about whether or not they’d be able to pay for their Internet bills, Philadelphia Eagles running back LeSean McCoy took a shot at New York Giants DE Osi Umenyiora on Twitter, calling him soft and overrated. Umenyiora then called McCoy a “Twitter gangster” and referred to him as “she” in all interviews because only girls start feuds with each other on Twitter. Fair enough.

So, um, how was your weekend, Mrs. Umenyiora?

Umenyiora has been the subject of various trade rumors this offseason, and he openly declared his discontent with the organization for only offering him an extension worth half as much as what they gave Mathias Kiwanuka. Whether or not that will be rectified has yet to be seen, so I suppose boredom is the reason that Umenyiora is poking the ringless McCoy with his Lombardi stick.

At least McCoy seems to have a sense of humor about it…

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Giants defensive end/lingerie model-humper Osi Umenyiora appeared on what looks like Mike and Mike without Mike or Mike, and laid down a Tom Brady freestyle dis track that will go down in history next to Shaq's dismissal of Kobe.  At least, I think it's a dis track.  Umenyiora calls Brady "handsome and cute," then at the end of it he says he's just kidding.  Oh, snap!  So Tom Brady ISN'T cute!!!  That is a fucking BURN.  Don't show your non-cute face around here no mo' Tom Brady!  Your ass got OWNED!

[Yardbarker] 

So, remember how last week I went ahead with an ugly rumor about how Giants defensive end Osi Umenyiora maybe defecates on his love interests?  Well, I'm not saying you should read too much into this gossip item, but you certainly can read too much into it, and it's definitely fun if you do.

Umenyiora, who is dating Victoria's Secret model Selita Ebanks, told Fox Business Network's Rebecca Gomez, "Yes, I have a girlfriend. Kind of girlfriend. I'm a very difficult guy to love. I have issues. Abandonment issues from when I was younger, psychological issues. I have a tough time truly committing myself."

Quick translation guide:

• "Yes, I have a girlfriend. Kind of girlfriend." — I don't consider a woman my girlfriend until I drop a steaming load on her.
• "I'm a very difficult guy to love." — Most girls don't like wearing feces.
• "I have issues." — Show of hands, who else thinks taking a dump is erotic?
• "I have a tough time truly committing myself" — I have a tough time truly committing myself… to shitting on just one woman.

(Just kidding, Osi!  Go Giants?)