You may have seen a clip floating around of an Orlando Magic cheerleader going up for a stunt and accidentally powerbombing herself to the floor of the Amway Arena. If you haven’t, it goes a little something like this:

That in itself is enough for a post on a comedy sports blog (especially if I just type “here’s an cheerleader falling on it’s head RT if you agree” at the top and publish it for massive, Busted Coverage-style traffic), but the reason I’m sharing it now is because of the esoteric, epic troll executed by the person at ABC News put in charge of the “injured cheerleaders” timeline graphic.

It covers a few important talking points — that over 37,000 cheerleaders went to the emergency room in 2011, and how cheerleading ranks #2 behind football on the list of most injury-prone sports — and right there at the beginning is a photo of another famous cheerleader who took a tumble: Laura Palmer, the Twin Peaks, Washington, cheerleader and homecoming queen who was found dead and wrapped in plastic in a river back in 1990. You know, on the TV show ‘Twin Peaks’.

Here’s the original video, in case you think I just got Burnsy to photoshop her in there as a viral promotion for the next Sports On TV column:

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Glen Davis’ new song by Glen Davis.

It takes a special kind of man to record his own ego anthem. Pro wrestler Shawn Michaels did it with ‘Sexy Boy,’ and now Orlando Magic forward Glen “Big Baby” Davis has done it with his Glen Davis-themed club-banger ‘Big Baby Gon’ Turn It Up’.

In the song, Big Baby assures us that Big Baby is gon’ turn it up. Josh Robbins of The Orlando Sentinel has details, including the question I’m sure is going through your head as you listen to Big Baby Gon’ Turn It Up: “are you ever going to make another song, n/n?”

Davis recently recorded a song called “Big Baby Gon’ Turn It Up,” and it’s kind of catchy. It features his voice, with some significant enhancements provided by Auto-Tune.

Davis was asked whether he’s going to release an album. A smile crossed his face.

“No,” he said, still grinning. “I’m a one-hit wonder.”

So, here we are. Furthermore,

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The above image is from the first newspaper that I’ve purchased in probably 2 years, because once I heard that Dwight Howard bought a full-page ad to say farewell to Orlando I knew I had to check it out for comedy purposes. Sure enough, it didn’t let me down, as it looks like he sent a zip file of PR pics to an Orlando Sentinel ad designer with a note that read: “Yo, whip something nice up and throw some words on it.”

My favorite part of Howard’s letter, beyond even the charm of his “Hey look at all the stuff I did with your kids!” collage, is the phrase “Although my career with the Magic has come to a close…” because that perfectly sums up how poorly Howard handled his exit from Orlando. His PR yes-men really deserve an award for the bang-up job they did in destroying the NBA’s most likable big man in a matter of a year, because even LeBron James left the door open to eventually return to Cleveland.

Howard, on the other hand, flat out said, “See ya!” and left a bunch of trash on the curb on Monday afternoon, knowing full well that the garbage isn’t picked up until Thursday. But it’s over, and Howard is a proud member of the Los Angeles Lakers, and thanks to the current culture of NBA fans and their short attention span bandwagon worship, he’ll be forgiven in no time. So I actually want to do the big guy a favor and help him endear himself with his new Lakers fans – the same ones who spent the last two seasons trying to convince everyone that Andrew Bynum is better than Howard.

I designed an ad that Howard can publish in an upcoming issue of the Los Angeles Times, and I think it’s pretty darn accurate.

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People sometimes wonder why a guy like Jeff Van Gundy hasn’t checked back into coaching in the NBA, but the answer’s pretty simple – he’s just got it way too easy right now. Instead of catching on with another losing franchise in need of a coach that will only get a group of decent to above average players so far, Jeff gets to hang out at the broadcast booth and say just about anything he wants without ever really being criticized, which is basically the exact opposite of being a coach.

His brother, Stan, on the other hand, will most likely end up in coaching again, as it’s hard for contending teams on the cusp of joining the elite tier to ignore a guy who had a .641 career winning percentage when the Orlando Magic fired him a few months ago. And it’s that very reason that the kid brother in his big boy announcer’s chair is going to keep sticking up for Stan every chance he gets.

Jeff’s latest comments about the Magic front office came on Mike Lupica’s ESPN Radio show, and he basically doesn’t understand why people have faith in this sadsack organization.

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Yahoo!’s Adrian Wojnarowski Tweeted yesterday that a four-way blockbuster trade that would send Dwight Howard to the Los Angeles Lakers was imminent, and it appears that it’s done. According to Woj, as of this morning the deal is in place and just needs NBA approval, which the teams will most likely receive during a conference call this afternoon. As the smoke clears and the dust settles, this is how the trade plays out:

Lakers get: Dwight Howard, Earl Clark, and Chris Duhon

Philadelphia 76ers get: Andrew Bynum and Jason Richardson

Denver Nuggets get: Andre Iguodala

Orlando Magic get: Arron Afflalo, Al Harrington, Nikola Vucevic, Moe Harkless, 3 first round picks, and 1 second round pick.

(Some people with “sources” say that other players are involved, and it is actually 4 first rounders that suck and maybe 2 second rounders, but who knows yet? Who cares? Is anyone even paying attention? Hello, Mrs. Pommelhorse?)

MOST SHOCKING UPDATE EVER: The Orlando Sentinel is reporting that the deal is not done and there may be complications. I do not believe this because the Sentinel is never right.

Of course that has led to a chorus of “How could Orlando do that?” and “Orlando got screwed” and “Orlando took the worst offer out there” and that was expected. Short of a LeBron James for Howard straight-up swap, there was no deal that Orlando would receive that wouldn’t be met with cries of outrage from both fans and the media. That’s just how the NBA works these days.

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If you’re like me, you’re absolutely tired of the drama and the all around piss poor PR mess created by both the Orlando Magic and Dwight Howard over the past 9 or 10 months. If you’re unfamiliar with this mess that I speak of, allow me to give you a rundown:

• Dwight Howard told the Orlando Magic that they either needed to surround him with players he had a part in selecting or he would ask to be traded.
• The Magic tried and failed because nobody wanted their crappy contracts.
• Dwight Howard asked to be traded.
• The Magic asked Dwight what it would take to keep him, he said, “Fire Stan Van Gundy.” (They later did.)
• Dwight denied ever saying that.
• Before the trade deadline, Dwight insisted that the Magic trade him, preferably to the New Jersey Nets.
• The Magic reportedly told him he’d be going to the Lakers.
• Dwight waived his opt-out option to remain with the Magic.
• The season ended.
• Everyone in the media made a whole bunch of sh*t up.

We know that the Magic have entertained multiple trade offers for Howard from teams like the Lakers, Houston Rockets, and Brooklyn Nets, among others, but nobody seems to know what players were actually involved, which teams were taking which bad contracts, and what draft picks were going where. Unless you ask Nets GM Billy King, who will probably say that the Magic are a bunch of doodie heads for not taking his awesome pupu platter that led the Nets to 21 wins last year.

Basically, everything that has been “reported” has come through the magical “sources” of ESPN beacons of integrity like Chris Broussard, local Orlando media hacks, and people just regurgitating what Howard’s friends are telling them. So take it with another huge grain of salt when Broussard “reports” today that “sources” are telling him something new.

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