This has already been one hell of a strange NCAA Tournament, with my bracket’s Elite 8 missing just one team, and yet I have no chance of winning my pool. Oh, and I suppose it’s also strange because you have Florida Gulf Coast University as the first 15-seed to ever make the Sweet 16 after humiliating No. 2 Georgetown on Friday night. But obviously we all care about my bracket more.

Soon we’ll watch a “One Shining Moment” video montage that will feature the stars of FGCU’s Dunk City and La Salle’s whatever it is they do, as well as poor Gonzaga alum John Stockton up there, as he pouted to Gonzaga’s 76-70 loss to Wichita State on Saturday night. Poor, John. Nothing good ever happens to him.

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I’ll preface this rant/whiny hissy fit by saying that I know that people have complained in the past that I write about the Orlando Magic too much, and a lot of people don’t really give a crap about my favorite NBA team. So to make up for that, I’ve included a bunch of GIFs of my favorite ladies, so you can just skip ahead to that if you don’t give a sh*t about my butthurt opinions.

That said, I originally had about 2,700 words written about last night’s Orlando Magic game that I attended, and how I felt about Dwight Howard in a Lakers jersey returning to the arena that was built for him. But he’s not worth that many words. He’s really not even worth the 127 words that I had written up to this point.

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Welp, it’s finally here. After waiting patiently all season, I get to watch Dwight Howard come back to the massive new arena that he (and David Stern) encouraged the Orlando Magic to build, and I get to watch him miss free throws and blame his teammates for his shortcomings with a completely different team.

It’s going to be bittersweet for me, as I’ll yell things like, “More like Wonder Woman!” and even better, “Your nickname is Pooperman!” and me and my bros will high five and it will be awesome. But at the same time, the Lakers should win by 60 and my team still sucks at the end of the night.

Oh well, at least I’ll always have the memories of the times before all the pissy complaining and constant media missteps.

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If you’d stumbled upon an off-key parody song about Dwight Howard throwing the Orlando Magic under the bus set to Cee Lo Green’s 2010 hit ‘F**k Forget You,’ you’d probably say “wow, this is dumb,” followed by “this must be pretty old” and “some weird Internet guy made this.” But no, here is a Dwight Howard ‘Forget You’ parody song made with South Park technology released YESTERDAY by THE ORLANDO NEWSPAPER.

No, for real.

Dwight Howard’s ex-Orlando Magic teammates channel Cee-Lo Green to deliver a message for their departed Superman and the hated Los Angeles Lakers. Produced by Rich Pope, Sean Pitts and Todd Stewart. (via Orlando Sentinel)

I don’t even know what to say. As a sports blogger, my brain is set to “make fun of people who still make Harlem Shake videos” right now, and if I see a ‘Gangnam Style’ or ‘Call Me Maybe’ parody I get to deride whoever made it for being sloth dinosaurs. How do I even BEGIN to handle the Orlando Sentinel aping a hit so old that ‘Glee’ covered it TWO YEARS AGO?

Holy shit, Orlando Sentinel, get your shit together.

[h/t to Sportress]

HEY MAGIC FANS, please welcome Orlando’s Dancing Dads, a group of old guys in Magic jerseys who shake their booties, shake it like a salt shaker and ultimately do the Harlem Shake. Of COURSE they do the Harlem Shake. Now’s the perfect time for dads and grandmas to discover the Harlem Shake, go OHHH THIS IS SO FUNNY and get Jimmy Johnson to do it, or whatever. Get it, dads! (via Shooting Bricks)

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Links

Boy Meets World Podcast, Episode 8: Teacher’s Bet |Pod Pods Pod|

The Symmetrical Celebrities Project: Important Facial Research You Didn’t Know You Needed |UPROXX|

Here Is A Supercut Of Adele Saying ‘Fank You’ |Warming Glow|

Harrison Ford is joining Anchorman 2 |Film Drunk|

Everyone Needs To Pray That Kate Upton Just Started A New Meme |With Leather|

‘Tomorrowland’ Plot Details Explain What Hugh Laurie And George Clooney Are Up To |Gamma Squad|

Diddy, Mark Wahlberg & Ellen Play A Drinking Game On Live Television |Smoking Section|

Joe Flacco’s Big Day Out |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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You may have seen a clip floating around of an Orlando Magic cheerleader going up for a stunt and accidentally powerbombing herself to the floor of the Amway Arena. If you haven’t, it goes a little something like this:

That in itself is enough for a post on a comedy sports blog (especially if I just type “here’s an cheerleader falling on it’s head RT if you agree” at the top and publish it for massive, Busted Coverage-style traffic), but the reason I’m sharing it now is because of the esoteric, epic troll executed by the person at ABC News put in charge of the “injured cheerleaders” timeline graphic.

It covers a few important talking points — that over 37,000 cheerleaders went to the emergency room in 2011, and how cheerleading ranks #2 behind football on the list of most injury-prone sports — and right there at the beginning is a photo of another famous cheerleader who took a tumble: Laura Palmer, the Twin Peaks, Washington, cheerleader and homecoming queen who was found dead and wrapped in plastic in a river back in 1990. You know, on the TV show ‘Twin Peaks’.

Here’s the original video, in case you think I just got Burnsy to photoshop her in there as a viral promotion for the next Sports On TV column:

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