"And that's how you tell boys to talk to the hand."

I have to give credit where it’s due. When Twitter celebrity Leon Purvis first posted a video asking 2012 Summer Olympics superstar and gold medalist Gabby Douglas to prom, I thought that we just had another one of those typical star-chaser types on our hands. But it turns out that while, yes, Purvis is a bit of a star-chaser, he gets results.

For example, Douglas wasn’t his first celebrity conquest. Originally, Purvis rose to fame in 2011 when he asked Justin Bieber to his junior prom “as a bro”. Hey, don’t judge. I’ve asked Channing Tatum to be my best friend, so we obviously all use the Internet to get things done on our own accord. The only difference is that while C-Tates has never responded to me, Purvis actually met the Biebs in person. And yesterday morning, he received his response from Douglas.

You see, people? Star-chasing pays off if you’re not a total creepshow about it. It’s just too bad that Purvis didn’t get the response he wanted.

Read the rest of this entry »

The other day we talked about the reports that Gabby Douglas’ parents were locked in a bitter divorce, and were fighting each other over the 16-year old Olympic superstar’s current wealth and all of the money she’ll make moving ahead. Worry no long, friends. It appears that Oprah Winfrey has rescued her and taken her to live on her unicorn ranch at Gumdrop Island in her ivory tower made of actual ivory.

Also, this is the most important thing you’ll read all year, with my GIF response right after it… The Girl With The Butthole Tattoo Explains Her Butthole Tattoo |UPROXX|

The 5 Best (And 7 Worst) Post-’Seinfeld’ Roles For Jerry, George, Elaine, And Kramer |Warming Glow|

This Week In Posters And Stills |Film Drunk|

Bane Kiffin: ‘Calm Down Pac-12! Now’s Not The Time For Fear’ |With Leather|

These New Spaghetti Western Style Star Wars Posters Are Great (Although Not As Great As The Actual Italian Poster For Star Wars) |Gamma Squad|

PSY Is The South Korean Rapping Sensation Taking Over YouTube |Smoking Section|

KSK 2012 NFL Prekkake: Indianapolis Colts |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Read the rest of this entry »

I read through a lot of gossip sites and strange, random fan blogs each week, not because I want to actually know anything about the personal lives of fame-starved reality trolls, but because we like to make fun of really stupid stuff that people do. Thankfully, I didn’t have to go much further than NFL.com for this week’s most asinine celebrity idea, and of course it involves our favorite Man of Every Hour, Denver Broncos QB Tim Tebow.

There’s no doubt that Tebow’s stock is higher than ever after the Broncos’ win over the Pittsburgh Steelers on Sunday – even the mayor of Pittsburgh is Tebowing – and he has already been dealing with rumors that he may have been responsible for skier Lindsey Vonn’s recent divorce. So apparently that was enough for NFL.com to ask: “Hey, what if Tebow knocked up a bunch of married women? What would those little hell-bound, soulless bastards look like?”

And thanks to the site MorphThings.com, the fine folks at NFL.com got their answers. Their incredibly weird-looking, borderline creepy answers.

Read the rest of this entry »

Links

Burnsy Makes People Laugh In Real Life - Here’s a nice teaser of Burnsy performing at a college football roast held by the Kiwanis Club. My Kiwanis act would be “so I hear you guys like eucalyptus … anybody remember Noozles” and then coughing for 12 minutes. Burnsy’s better at this than me. [WPTV]

More Star Wars Blu-Ray Edits No Less Ridiculous Than The Real Ones - No less ridiculous, but way funnier. All we need now is for Obi-Wan to tell the story of the two frogs that fell in a pot of boiling milk. [Gamma Squad]

1988 George Lucas Was Against 2011 George Lucas Before He Was For Him - In 20 years, Return of the Jedi is just going to be When In Rome with some blinking Muppets. It will still be better than anything involving a spaceship made since like 1985. [UPROXX]

Game On: HIV Test That Shut Down Porn Industry Was False Positive - The next scandal should be a porn star telling her director that she’s pregnant and showing him a home test she intentionally peed on too much to make positive, and then a month or so of follow-up where the director sobs in a Planned Parenthood until she admits she did it on purpose. [Film Drunk]

Kick@ss Movie GIF Photosets: Part Two - I need to learn how to make GIFs more efficiently, I want to contribute a Josie and the Pussycats set, and possibly one for Stay Tuned. The Golden “Ghouls” still makes me laugh, because I’m 10. [UPROXX]

Soulja Boy: “F**k Army Troops” - Whenever we are upset at something Soulja Boy has said, we must remember that he’s the guy who filmed himself jumping off a cliff in “Braid”, rewinding it, and jumping off again while laughing. I’m sure he hates army troops AND hospital doctors. [Smoking Section|

Oprah Winfrey and Usher Versus Yelling Goat - I'm siding with the goat in every imaginable scenario. [UPROXX]

First Video: Patricia Clarkson as Tammy 1 on ‘Parks and Recreation’ - Pretty excited to have this and “Community” back and airing regularly. Also excited for season two of Outsourced!! [Warming Glow]

A Compendium of Cool Comics Cosplay: Walking Dead Edition - “Zombie” always strikes me as a lazy costume, even when you put tons of work into it. Like, it’s the asexual equivalent of the “sexy” costume. I’m a zombie nurse! I’m a zombie firefighter! etc. [Gamma Squad]

25 Stunning Raquel Welch Magazine Covers - I’m not complaining, but why did somebody decide this should be a Buzzfeed post? Can I put up galleries of Ginger Rogers? [Buzzfeed]

21 Dropped TV Subplots - I think Buffy had about 40 of these, unless “Willow didn’t go to jail or lose any friends or face any kind of personal punishment for killing a bunch of people, she just had to go to wizard therapy in England” isn’t a subplot. [FARK]

Why (Some) French Movie Posters Are Better Than Ours - Polish posters are even better, but Japanese posters are the best. The Field of Dreams poster where the title is MAN BUILDS CORNFIELD AND HAS MAGICAL CATCH WITH DEAD FATHER or whatever is the funniest thing in history. [Moviefone]

Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Michael Vick (as opposed to South Carolina guitar instructor Michael Vick) has agreed to appear on Oprah Winfrey’s famed talk show, currently in what Winfrey has proclaimed will be its final season. Winfrey and fellow talk show host Piers Morgan had a friendly bet on who could book Vick first. The winner was the United States government.

From My Fox Philly:

Morgan told Winfrey on his show that he would try to land Vick for a big interview. Winfrey said she would beat Morgan to the punch.

Last week, reporters asked Vick about Morgan and he said he had no idea who the British talk show host was.

Also unaware of Piers Morgan: everyone in America. To be fair, Morgan’s not a horrible interviewer. He’s just…not Oprah. He could be someday; he DOES have the goofy first name. All he has to do now is start a string of yo-yo diets and put a black man in the White House.

This happened on Friday, but I generally love anything that makes Oprah Winfrey look foolish. So Drew Brees has been doing the one-man victory parade for the New Orleans Saints since their Super Bowl win, appearing on Letterman, Ellen and, as seen here, Oprah. And I’m pretty sure that the only way I could love Drew Brees more is if he was a fat black woman from Tennessee. What book should I read THIS WEEK, Drew? Anyway, he walks out onto Oprah’s set, and dammit all if nobody told Oprah about Brees’ signature birthmark on the side of his face. Rubbing that birthmark is bad luck, Oprah. You just cursed your new cable network for all eternity. At least through sweeps, anyway. Video’s after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »