Sports-related or not, we’re big fans of sexy calendars. Whether a team of British girls needs money to support a weird sport or Kelly Brook just wants to remind us that she has giant breasts, my wall has enough space to support a million calendars. And it doesn’t hurt if they have Kate Upton either. Unfortunately, with the good and the busty, there comes the saggy and wrinkly.

A group of mature women in Lake Helen, Florida decided to make a special calendar to support the American Legion Post 127, which was in need of $10,000 in repairs to bring its kitchen up to code. So the women in question decided that they could sell about 800 calendars at roughly $12 a pop to raise that money. And yes, they’re doing it with partial nudity, which would be awesome if they weren’t all 60+ years old. Above all else, it’s worth it for the incredibly terrible photoshops of cats.

But just like I support plus-sized women in pole dancing (not literally, I’m fragile), I give the ladies of Lake Helen a hearty, “F*ck yeah!” for their efforts and I am going to order a calendar to support them. You can, too, by emailing head granny Pat Chadwick at plchadwick106@cfl.rr.com. And please don’t pretend to be a Nigerian banker.

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I’ve often joked that the Florida Gators and their fans were the nouveau riche of college football, having a long history of being the distant 3rd in Florida’s “Big 3″ until only recently coming into success and fame. And the joke grew funnier to me when Urban Meyer arrived and so many Gators fans acted like Steve Spurrier – the reason that they had any national pride at all – never existed. But I’m not putting all Gators fans under that giant umbrella, especially when a true fan like Jen Wiley exists.

Both huge Gators fans, Jen and her husband were married in 1996 and they had their first child, a bouncing baby boy, back in 2006. Because those years are so important to the University of Florida football program and its fans, they decided to honor their favorite team by naming their child Spurrier Urban Wiley. Call me a dick, but I kind of hope he goes to FSU.

“My husband and I got married in 1996, when Spurrier won the championships,” she said, “and then we conceived in 2006 when Urban Meyer won the championship.”

It was a seemingly perfect fit for these Florida fanatics, until now. So mom’s ready for a change.

“I want to change his middle name,” she said.

(Via Bay News 9)

And what does she want to change his middle name to? Tim. As in Tim Tebow, our holy reptilian quarterback. It’s worth pointing out that this woman is from Florida but the child was born in Ohio. That’s like the ultimate double whammy.

What I really enjoy about the article, though, is that the husband’s name is never mentioned, almost as if he didn’t want this story about his child’s ridiculous name being told in the first place. But the real victim in this is poor Billy Donovan. Won’t some insane, overzealous fan name her child after the Gators’ national champion basketball coach? Maybe one day, Billy. Maybe one day.

(Hat tip to Kegs and Eggs.)

In 1989, a law was passed in Florida that made it illegal for any business establishment that serves alcohol to host events that include people tossing or throwing little people for sport. Today, in news that should shock no one who has ever even heard of Florida, one man is trying to put an end to this injustice.

On Monday, Rep. Ritch Workman, R-Melbourne, filed HB 4063 to repeal the law. He says he doesn’t condone the dwarf tossing but he thinks the prohibition takes away freedoms and is against the American way.

“To me it’s an archaic kind of Big Brother law that says, ‘We don’t like that activity,’ ” Workman said. “Well, there is nothing immoral or illegal about that activity. All we really did by passing that law was take away some employment from some little people.”

(Via The Florida Current)

Well, friends, I am pretty damn proud of the leadership in my home state finally doing something about the lack of jobs in this country. Even if it is discriminatory in nature – what about regular people tossing? – it is good to see some progress. Unfortunately, some opponents of this bill are being rather short-sighted.

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Shaquille O’Neal should be able to get any job in the world. Like, if he wanted to be a barista at Starbucks, he could write “had successful 19-year NBA career, starred in movies and TV shows, had video game and multiple action figures, is happy gigantic millionaire” at the top of an application and be instantly awarded a position as manager. In fact, all he really needs to write is “Is Shaq”.

That’s what makes Shaq’s personnel file from his secondary career as a reserve officer on the Miami Beach police form, featured today on the Miami New Times Blog, so confusing and enjoyable. The New Times embedded the file on their site, and while a lot is missing (such as Shaq’s substance abuse history and the neighbors who gave him a bad reference), Shaq’s request to “work special crimes unit” is there, and holy sh*t is that just the beginning.

The report reads equal parts “adorable” and “concerning”. Examples of “adorable” include:

- Asked about “special skills” or “equipment”, Shaq simply wrote: “Laptop computer, binnochulars [sic], master of surveillance”

- Shaq got deep when interviewed for the job. Asked about the best memory of his life, he responded: “All dreams have come true.”

- The worst? “Messing up so much that he thought parents didn’t love him.”

And the awesome, subtle Kobe diss:

- He listed the Los Angeles Lakers as a previous employer from 1996 to 2004. Job title: “NBA center”. Description of duties: “Everything”

But as cute as that all is (binnochulars, omg), Shaq decides to just openly lie about most things, like owning a car and completely forgetting that lady who claimed he choked her at Disney World.

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As a Florida resident, I like to keep up on the state’s top news, and I’m not talking about stupid stuff like a Sun Rail that could create thousands of jobs being shot down or the governor creating a new drug testing system for state employees and welfare recipients that directly benefits his own medical clinics. Nope, I’m talking about whether or not I can have my remains stored at the International Speedway in Daytona, and thanks to the diligent lawmakers in Florida, on July 1 I will.

The Florida House and Senate will soon vote to pass legislation that makes it legal for columbariums to be built at Daytona and the Homestead Miami Speedway. A columbarium, of course, is a building that stores urns, so NASCAR fans could pay respect to their loved ones before they take their shirts off and urinate into Bud Fat tallboys.

International Speedway Corp. spokesman Lenny Santiago said many NASCAR fans have inquired over the years about having their ashes laid to rest at Daytona International Speedway.

“We have a lot of fans that are very, very loyal to NASCAR races and to Daytona in general,” Santiago said. “This opens that door, this bill, and we’re hopeful that this will get passed.” (Via Daytona Beach News Journal)

And it will get passed because if you know anything about Florida politicians it’s that they truly love their sports.

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While Daytona Beach’s famous annual Bike Week took place earlier this month, the real biker party begins next week in kick ass Leesburg, Florida. The 2011 Leesburg Bikefest is set to rock your f*cking face off, as the Central Florida town will welcome its biker faithful from April 7-10, and the event organizers have even added an extra day this year for people to rev their engines and show off their “My bitch fell off” shirts. And forget Lollapalooza and Bonaroo this year, friends, because Leesburg Bikefest welcomes the music of Slaughter and Jackyl, as well as the ACDC tribute band Highway to Hell.

Alas, all is not well in Leesburg. As thousands of bikers will flock from minutes away for this celebration, the town’s leaders are putting a kibosh on one of Bikefest’s most time-honored traditions – pudding and Jello wrestling. Specifically, the city is banning all fighting competitions, which once again leaves my toddler fight club without a venue, but they made it a point to put the spotlight on women wrasslin’ in snack foods.

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