Pepsi had been teasing its newest superstar commercial with the boy group One Direction and New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees for a few weeks, so it wasn’t like we didn’t know this was coming. Once the full commercial actually hit, most people were still a little surprised to see the man so powerful that even Oprah couldn’t wipe a birthmark from his face hamming it up with Simon Cowell’s latest gaggle of cash machines.

But Brees is a family guy, so this is hardly a surprise, and judging by the reaction of One Direction fans on Twitter (don’t go look for yourself, just trust me) this is actually a potentially huge bonus for the Saints and the NFL, as millions of teenage girls may suddenly become fans because Breesus let Harry or Niall or whoever share a can of Pepsi. If that’s the case, it’s only a matter of time before One Direction is announced as the Super Bowl halftime show.

As if it wasn’t hard enough for me to get “What Makes You Beautiful” out of my head. Damn catchy paint-by-numbers pop music. Anyway, about that commercial…

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♫ "You don't knooooow, OH OH!" ♫

Girls on the Internet have had a tough August.

Earlier this month, UK tabloid The Sun reportedly showed Sports Illustrated covergirl Kate Upton a photo of teen boy-band sensation One Direction and asked her to pick out which member she thought was the cutest. If you’re unfamiliar with the group (or their hits “One Thing” and “What Makes You Beautiful”), they’re five teenagers with attitude formed a la the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers on the seventh season of the British version of ‘The X Factor’. Imagine the Spice Girls if they were boys, and all five of them were Baby Spice. Kate apparently pointed out band member Harry Styles, which instantly caused rumors that she had a crush on him and planned to hook up with him at the MTV Video Music Awards. I don’t know.

Anyway, the rumors were squashed, but with the VMAs only a week away (they air on September 6), radio hosts like Ryan Seacrest are bringing them up again. If you felt a rumbling yesterday afternoon, don’t be alarmed — it was only One Direction’s six-million-plus Twitter followers FREAKING THE F**K OUT because their confrontational sexual armageddon is nigh. One Direction Kate Upton rumors are their horsemen.

It’s a nice mixture of girls pretending they’ve never heard of Kate Upton, girls feeling shamed and insignificant because America’s closest living equivalent to Jessica Rabbit is competing for the same guy as them, a metric ton of name-calling and good old fashioned death threats. I’ve compiled a few of my favorites, and I hope you enjoy them. Well, “enjoy” is probably the wrong word.

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In what has quickly become my favorite With Leather-inspired hobby yet – not counting dumpster diving outside Kate Upton’s apartment – I tried to broaden the horizon of TWiOESM by including a little bit of everything. Originally, I wanted to make this all about the Los Angeles Kings winning the Stanley Cup and the Miami Heat and Oklahoma City Thunder battling for the O’Brien Trophy, but that’s not fair to the rest of you that need pictures of WWF wrestlers printed on dictionary pages.

Speaking of, I received my Ultimate Warrior dictionary pages in the mail this week and they are pretty much the coolest thing I’ve ever spent $5 on. Needless to say, I’ve got my eyes on a few new things this week, starting with one of my all-time favorites – Legos.

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