A golfer who lost the use of an eye when his own shot ricocheted and hit him in the face is finally getting the justice he deserves, as he is now suing the country club where it happened.

Paul Sanchez, a 67-year-old “occasional” golfer… was golfing with two or three friends in September 2006 when a ball he hit bounced off a yardage-marker and “whacked him” in the right eye, according to his attorney, Barry M. Scotch…

In the lawsuit, Sanchez faults the course’s owners for failing to warn him about the markers… Sanchez is seeking unspecified damages, claiming the markers were made of material too rigid to be safe for the course… He also blames the mishap on a lack of warning about the markers and improper placement in the middle of the fairway.

Jesus.  Does every GD thing in this country have to have padding and warning labels now?   Litigious pussies like this guy are why I can’t set bear traps at the playground any more.

[oobgolf]

I give old people a hard time on this blog, mostly because they’re slow and depressing and awful at everything. But I have to give 73-year-old Ken Mink a modicum of credit for joining the Roane State junior college basketball team. One one hand, it’s amazing to see a septuagenarian out there with men more than 50 years his junior, an uplifting message that it’s never too late to do what we love. On the other hand, it’s totally depressing, because the guys who are 50 years younger are way way better, and it’s obviously too late for Ken Mink to do what he loves.

Well, that really cheered me up. Anyone want to watch Schindler’s List with me?

[FOX Sports via FanIQ]

Ah, southern Ohio never disappoints: an 89-year-old woman named Edna Jester has refused to return an errant football that some neighborhood children kicked into her yard.  She was taken to the local police station and charged with petty theft after refusing to accept a citation, invoking her right as an American to be the most boring cliche possible.

But before we condemn her as a lame-ass old bitch whose family doesn’t visit her for a reason, let’s not forget that the supposed “good guys” in this story are teenagers.  And teenagers are the only human beings as vile as old people.  If this planet were the least bit cool, kids aged 13-18 and people older than 65 would be shipped off to camps at the bottom of the ocean where they could focus on things like annoying each other, and trying in vain to breathe.

[Higher quality video available at NBC Chicago]

Bill Werber is the oldest living former Major League Baseball player, once a teammate of Babe Ruth and a spinner of many a yarn. One of the more interesting stories he told to an insidious rag that fires people for no good reason involved Lefty Grove hunting squirrel in the woods. It's a beaut.

The scout, Ira Thomas, goes out into the woods to look for him, and eventually, here comes this tall, rawboned guy. And he’s got squirrel tails tied around his belt [which was the style at the time - Ed.], with the heads hanging down. So the first question Ira Thomas asks him is, ‘Are you Lefty Grove?’

And Lefty says, ‘I be.’

He said, ‘Well, where’s your gun.’

‘I don’t use no gun.’

He said, ‘Well, how do you kill the squirrels?’

‘I kill them with rocks.’

He says, ‘I don’t believe you.’

And Lefty says, ‘Well, you see that insulator on that crossbar?’ And he takes one of the rocks from his pocket, and throws it with his right hand — and the glass just shatters in all directions.

And Thomas is amazed, but he says, ‘I thought you were a left-hander.’

He says, ‘I am. But when I throw it left-handed, I tear them all up.’

All joking aside, that's pretty badass story. I'm lucky if I can gun down a couple hookers with a my non-throwing hand. And forget about throwing stuff. Miss once and next thing you know they'll be a flurry of press-on nails in your eye. You only get one shot with them, unless of course you pay for two.

Elaine Fulps, a 60-year-old woman who attended Tuesday night's Grand Prairie AirHogs game, was rewarded by winning the evening's special promotional prize: a $10,000 funeral.

"I almost croaked many times," said Fulps, who was wearing a neck brace - the most recent effect of about 20 surgeries she's undergone for various medical problems. "God still has me around for a reason. To win a funeral."

I did this once.  I rented a bingo hall and promised the same prize to one lucky senior citizen.  Then I was all, "Surprise!  You ALL win!"  They were really thrilled until I released the hounds.  Oh man, what a hoot.  If they hadn't been so old and bothersome to their families, someone surely would have pressed charges.

[Sox and Dawgs] 

Smoking: it's like Gatorade… for your lungs!

[FanHaus]