An Ohio high school football coach was busted in a prostitution ring. Todd Allen Pooch, 36, of the 500 block of Liberty Drive in Huron was one of three men arrested for running a sadomasochistic fetish parlor. Jeez, that’s the government for you. Always hurting small businesses.

Acting on a tip about a prostitution ring operating in the 3500 block of Ninevah Road in Greenwich, deputies went to that address on Sept. 1 and arrested Douglas E. Lucas, 53, Huron County Sheriff’s Capt. Ted Patrick said.

With a search warrant, they also seized items used in sexual role-playing, such as neckties, ropes and dog accessories.

At least one 47-year-old woman was allegedly working as a prostitute in Lucas’ home at the time, though she hasn’t been charged.

Lucas faces a fourth-degree felony for solicitation. He was released from jail after posting bond the day after his arrest. –Sandusky Register.

Oh come on. Who among us hasn’t been anally penetrated with a whip handle while having a tennis ball strapped into his mouth? That sort of Puritan prudishness might fly in Huron County, but I’ll have no part of that, thank you very much. I’ll be spending time with my good lady in a way that I see fit…just as soon as I get back from the hardware store.

WEEKDAY PICKS: Ravens (pick) over JETS. Chargers -4 over CHIEFS.

Lines for today’s picks can be found at BetUS.com

More Ohio news today, not far from where I spent more of my developmental years: the bustling metropolis that is Delhi Township. It’s a story that has everything: video games and deadbeat parenting. Okay, so it has two things…

Joseph Phillips then went to a nearby game buy-back store and sold his son’s things for about a 10th of their value, according to the Delhi Police Department.

Phillips, 28, told police that he is addicted to drugs and has a long criminal history in Indiana. The Enquirer confirmed he has been arrested on drug charges three times between 2006 and 2009 in Dearborn County, Ind.

The woman told the police the value of the stolen goods were $1,070. –The Noob Dad, via Destructoid.

Oh, and then the guy failed to show up for court. Awesome. But let’s be fair here, at least the dad got some money for the gear. MY DAD would have just thrown everything in the garbage, and then lectured me about it like he was doing me a favor. That’s why he’ll always be with me forever *stares longingly at the flowerbed in the backyard* Right, daddy?

High school All-American lineman own Matt James had committed to playing football at Notre Dame this fall. And then he took a spring break trip to Panama City.

James, 17, died almost instantly after falling from a fifth-floor balcony at about 6:25 p.m. at the Days Inn on Front Beach Road.

Luke Massa, St. Xavier’s senior quarterback last fall and a fellow Notre Dame recruit, was with James in Florida.

“Luke is devastated,” Massa’s father, Gary, said late Friday. “He lost one of his best friends.”

You’re not going to believe this, but police are now saying that alcohol was involved.

Police Major David Humphreys told media outlets during a press conference Saturday that James had been drinking and was involved in arguments. He said James’s friends told officers that he was belligerent.

At one point, police said, he went out to the balcony to argue with guests in a neighboring room, leaned over and fell. Police believe there were adult chaperones, although it was unclear where they were when the accident happened. –Enquirer.

Hotel management said that it was the third balcony death within a month. That’s collateral damage for the Panama City economy. As teenagers explore their own limits and boundaries, they create jobs for the Florida economy. I wonder what that argument was about. Perhaps it was over the merits of adult chaperones. I bet it was a doozy.

Yep, it was 20 years ago in Tokyo where Ohio’s own James “Buster” Douglas took down Mike Tyson. The upset happened after a poorly-trained Mike Tyson entered the ring to face a man who had just lost his mother three weeks earlier, and while Tyson managed to knock down Douglas in the eighth, it was Douglas who stopped the champ in the tenth. Most of us remember seeing Tyson’s mouthpiece pop out of his mouth as his body fell to the Japanese canvas. But hey, Tyson was in The Hangover, so it’s not like his career and life went into any sort of freefall after he lost the title. No, not at all.

This has been everywhere today–just like Pauly’s mom–but as an Ohio State alum, I feel compelled to weigh in. First of all, I never swam in Mirror Lake, because they hadn’t renovated that area of campus before I graduated. They hadn’t drained the lake, paved the bottom of it and rebuilt the walls around it until after I had blown that pop stand, so it’s not so much of a “tradition” as it is an indulgence. Secondly, who exactly was dying to enjoy an outdoor bathhouse on campus? What, the Short North wasn’t within walking distance? And finally, is it that hard to just hold it for another half-hour? But hey, school spirit! Just find your own ride home.

Amid the nationwide Election Day madness this week, THE state of Ohio passed a referendum that would allow the state to build casinos in its four largest cities. The gaming stocks love it, and the people of Ohio love it (the majority, anyway), but do you know who doesn’t love it? Mothers. They’re not content to ruin the lives of their own children. No, they have to make EVERYBODY miserable. Why should I be allowed to vote to overturn ridiculous laws that prevent me from doing what I want to do? Apparently because I’d be killing families, as this gratuitous ad seems to indicate. But I have no issue with that, either. That’s just less traffic between me and the blackjack table. –Ramblings of the Unmotivated.