Ohio State has had a fantastic first half of 2011, from the firing of Jim Tressel to the forfeiting of an entire, Sugar Bowl-winning 12-1 season. The second half of the year is all about penance and proving their sincere adherence to Ohio and its culture, so it should come as no surprise that the school is one of three to have signed a deal making them an official part of the LeBron James Brand™. The South Florida Sun-Sentinel first reported Saturday that Ohio State would join Kentucky and Miami as the first three teams to specifically represent LeBron lebranded Nike gear, which should end up looking a lot like Michael Jordan’s, only without any rings. As accessories, I mean. Miami makes sense, Kentucky makes sense because of John Calipari, and Ohio State makes sense because they have no f**king clue what they’re doing anymore.

Of course, OSU has been supporting LeBron and sporting a LeBron logo since before that was a hangable offense, and Ohio State wins a lot so they’re the one Ohio-area sports team LeBron didn’t completely insult and abandon. And yeah, you can leave me a comment to tell me I’m a “hater” or whatever, but I don’t care about the Cavs or The Decision, I’m still pissed about him wearing a Yankees hat to an Indians game.

Anyway, Cleveland is of course already writing newspaper editorials about how Ohio State is tone-deaf to the state’s dislike of this guy, but honestly is there anything more “Ohioan” right now than not being able to shut up about LeBron James? It’s right there next to Jojo potatoes and flammable bodies of water. Bill Livingston of The Plain Dealer is impassioned in his response to the announcement, but he’s missing one important point:

But THE Ohio State University? Are they kidding?

Actually, OSU basketball players have worn “L23″ insignia since 2007 on their uniforms. During much of that time, James was a Cavalier and a non-quitter.

I don’t know if Bill watched those years when LeBron lead the Cavaliers into the playoffs, but they didn’t exactly end with LeBron valiantly battling the flu and pulling out a victory in the clutch. LeBron is the same guy, he’s just wearing a shirt we hate. If the LeBron Brand overtakes college sports, Cleveland isn’t going to have anyone to root for.

Man, I wish they had a baseball team.

[h/t The Dagger]

If LeBron James hadn’t spent so long in Cleveland, I think this lady would be the worst person to ever rep Ohio.

Sports

@Storytime with Darnell Dockett Part 2: The Casey Anthony Trial - Be sure to check out Dockett’s second live blog of important legal events, this one featuring a cameo from Kim Kardashian, a discussion about how much Casey Anthony is gonna be murdered and a small boy in extremely tight pajamas. [With Leather]

First Look: Nike Air Max LeBron 8 V2 Low “South Beach” - That thing about LeBron under the header was a joke, so please don’t try to hunt me down and kill me in real life. Although honestly LeBron and Casey aren’t that different. They both took way too long to reach a decision. [Smoking Section]

The Best and Worst of Raw 7/4 - If you didn’t read the column this week I dissected the emotional range of Vince McMahon, explained Kelly Kelly’s offense in terms of stiff independent workers and compared Evan Bourne to a Squirtle. Even if you don’t like wrestling you’d probably enjoy this thing. [With Leather]

Funny or Die’s Field of Dreams 2: A Breakdown - We put up a post about it yesterday, too, but KSK goes second-by-second through the trailer and points out every time Ray Lewis hilariously tackles someone (spoiler: a lot). [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Not Sports

The Top 10 Floppiest Flops of 2011 - My definition of a flop and the Internet’s are two different things. These days if you don’t make a billion dollars people call you a flop. Like “LOL booster gold the movie cost 80 million to make and only made 120 at the box office what a florp”. Natalie Portman (star of Your Higness, which is on this list) is our Lovely Lady of the Bottom Half today for committing the film equivalent of Casey Anthony, going from Black Swan to Ashton Kutcher Presents F**kpalz. [Film Drunk]

Patton Oswalt’s Rejected Pitches To DC Comics - Wow, that previous link got really long. Here’s a comedian pitching crummy ideas to a comic book company. [Gamma Squad]

The Best And Worst Of #AskObama - I got looped into this, and ended up doing an #AskObama about how I’d want to marry Flo from the Progressive commercials. I have not yet figured out what this has to do with Our President. [Uproxx]

Picture Me Rollin: 50 Rap Songs About Cars - Rap songs are like John Fogerty songs, there’s always one part you can barely understand. It’ll be going along fine, and then Mystikal (or whoever) will be all, “droppin funny in my runny smoke swift wit da snag fo”. I just assume that part is about cars. [Smoking Section]

In case you needed more reasons to hate Tim Tebow, here he is on last night’s edition of “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” being affable and talking about how college athletes deserve to ride around on scooters and eat Bloomin’ Onions. Tebow also talks about being the child of missionaries, sponsoring an orphanage, and his predictions for this year’s Denver Broncos (“pretty good”), so basically the worst thing you can say about him here is that his suit doesn’t really fit. I could make fun of him for writing an autobiography (and calling it “Through My Eyes”) at age 23, but I wrote a semi-autobiographical novel when I was 22, and I’m not exactly a storied football star.

At some point you just want Stewart to call him “Tammy Tebow” a bunch of times and get him to flip out and jump over the desk. Hopefully Tebow can get to 46 and still not have any awful stories to tell. And hopefully those Ohio State guys enjoyed their illegal Surf and Turf.

Former OSU wide receiver Ray Small told the school’s student newspaper that he got special car deals and sold Big Ten championship rings during his playing days. Why? Because everyone else was doing it. You’re killin’ me, Small. If Michigan jumped off a bridge, would … wait, don’t answer that.

Small said, ‘We had four Big Ten rings. There was enough to go around.’

He added that, despite Ohio State’s large and proactive NCAA compliance department, most of student-athletes ‘don’t even think about [NCAA] rules’ … ‘We have apartments, car notes. So you got things like that and you look around and you’re like, ‘Well I got [four] of them, I can sell one or two and get some money to pay this rent.’

Ohio State is investigating more than 50 transactions between Ohio State athletes and their families and two Columbus auto dealerships.

‘They have a lot [of dirt] on everybody,’ Small said, ’cause everybody was doing it.’

The entire Ohio State issue deserves a big press conference from the President of the United States where he throws up his hands, says “welp” and does his “now run and tell THAT” Osama Bin Laden death announcement walk down the hallway.

This interview is another in a string of weird situations where athletes don’t seem to realize how much money or opportunity they have. Football players are going broke and resorting to crime and celebrity boxing before we’ve even gotten to a locked out season, and now guys with college football scholarships have to sell championship rings to “make rent?” How does this work? Why are college sports turning into Dead Man on Campus?

[via CBS Sports]

The NCAA, the bastion of morality in college athletics, has suspended five Ohio State football players for the first five games of the team’s 2011 season. The five players suspended include two of the team’s most talented players, wide receiver DeVier Posey and quarterback Terrelle Pryor. The NCAA’s ruling comes after an investigation that suspected players gave away autographs in exchange for tattoos, one of the few instances in recorded history that tattoos were bartered for something other than crystal meth.

Five Ohio State football players, including quarterback Terrelle Pryor, must sit out the first five games of the 2011 season for accepting improper benefits, the NCAA ruled Thursday.

A sixth football player must sit out the first game in 2011 for receiving discounted services in violation of NCAA rules.
All of the players be eligible for the Jan. 4 Allstate Sugar Bowl, however. –ESPN.com

But while the NCAA is indeed a cruel mistress, she is not the bitter, vindictive ex-girlfriend you briefly dated your sophomore year of college. No, the organization found out that the players sold various awards, including Big Ten Championship rings. Which makes sense, considering that they have plenty more of those bad boys at home. Read the rest of this entry »

Maurice Clarett will be headed back to school this summer, when he continues his education at THE Ohio State University. The former freshman sensation was released from prison in April after serving four years of a seven and a half year sentence for aggravated robbery and carrying a concealed weapon. You know, college stuff.

After almost four years in jail, Maurice Clarett is headed back to school … the same school he left after his freshman year. Ohio State confirmed Clarett has been granted enrollment at the university and will start classes this summer.

“Maurice Clarett has been granted re-entry into the Ohio State University, following a review by the College of Education and Human Ecology,” said Jim Lynch, director of media relations for Ohio State.

“This is a surreal feeling to be back at Ohio State in such a supportive environment,” Clarett said in a statement. “I have looked forward to being back in school and I’m doing my best to fit in with other students. I don’t want to be a distraction or nuisance to the football team or to students on campus.”
–USA Today via 10 TV

Who was the guy that got rejected so Maurice could be accepted? A go-getter, I’m sure. His resume must have been written in pencil on a barbeque-sauce-covered Chili’s napkin. Psh Amateurs. My resume is written on a Red Lobster napkin, to distinguish myself as a classy gentleman. Maurice highlights after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »