Did you know? The Ohio State University has a waterskiing club, and college mascot Brutus Buckeye is a member. Two questions:

1. Is it cost effective to wear that in the lake, and
2. Is there any footage of him joining the Ohio State Beekeepers?

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Links

How To Cage Someone At Work: One Redditor’s Ultimate Guide To Nic Cage Office Pranking |UPROXX|

An Investigation: Is This The Weakest Season For New Shows In A Decade? |Warming Glow|

Red Dawn Review: The Tipping Point for Lazy Remakes |Film Drunk|

The With Leather Fantasy Football Support Group: Go Home Matt Ryan, You’re Drunk |With Leather|

A Steampunk Cosplay Gallery |Gamma Squad|

10 Big Daddy Kane Songs Everyone Should Know |Smoking Section|

Before There Was Brady: A Definitive Gallery Of The NFL’s Greatest Bro, Joe Namath |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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Back in 2010, five Ohio State Buckeyes football players were exposed for their roles in a horrifying murder-for-hire operation that included then-standout quarterback Terrelle Pryor, who was wanted by both the FBI and Interpol for his role in hundreds of global leader assassinations as far back as the 1830s. Wait, no. Sorry. I meant that five Ohio State players exchanged autographs for tattoos, cash and rental cars, among other things. And the whole world looked on in shock and terror, because never could we believe that people would take advantage of teenage athletes by dangling money in front of their faces.

Ultimately, the scandal revealed that as many as 28 players were involved and it led to former coach Jim Tressel’s resignation after it was revealed that he was well aware of his players’ side deals, and he had also been using ineligible players in 2010. Tressel was found to have violated an NCAA bylaw and he was accused of lying to the NCAA when he was questioned about these improper benefits. But with credit to THE university’s leadership, OSU officials did show some balls for forcing the Jim to “retire” and voluntarily forfeiting all wins from the 2010 season. Too bad the NCAA ain’t care, and the Buckeyes were slapped with a postseason ban for this season.

A funny thing happens, though, when a team is 11-0 with no prospect of playing in the Big 10 championship game or even the BCS Championship Game – fans get super pissed off. So much so that they create crazy petitions demanding that President Barack Obama “pardon” their football team.

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I’ve prepared separate intro blurbs, depending on who you are. Find the one that is most appropriate for you!

I Don’t Watch Glee: I know, I know. Welcome to this week’s Sports On TV, featuring the first show I’ve ever watched specifically for the benefit of the column, FOX’s ‘Glee’. If you’ve never seen it, it’s a show your niece probably watched two or three years ago about a glee club at a Lima, Ohio, high school who interpret their feelings via reality-warping musical numbers. If you’ve never seen it and know what it is, yeah, it’s not great. However, if you’re a regular reader of the column, you’ll hopefully have a little faith in my writing/ability to write aggressively about stuff that sucks, so take a look through this one anyway. You’ll find a lot of funny jokes, a few pictures of hot girls and at least one video of zombie football players. That’s something, right?

I Watch Glee, And I Love It: Welcome to this week’s Sports On TV column, wherein I rag on that show you like because it’s not aimed at my intelligence level or demographic. Please read through the moments I’ve selected, tear apart any inaccuracies in my analysis, and show it to all of your friends so they can do the same. Make it really virally popular so nobody who likes ‘Glee’ will ever come here again!

I Watch Glee (Or Have Watched Glee) And Do Not Like It: You’re probably going to love this.

So please click through and enjoy the 20 greatest sports moments of ‘Glee’. *unnecessary bell ringing sound*

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My friends and I were joking this weekend, as I struggled through watching the UCF Knights blow their game against the Missouri Tigers and the Miami Dolphins really blow their game against the Arizona Cardinals, that I could just do these Faces of ‘Freude (new name, this one’s sticking) posts with pictures of me screaming at bar TVs for three hours every Saturday and Sunday. And yeah, once the Orlando Magic season starts, I may be able to power the entire planet with just my rage. But I’m not sure the world is ready for so many pictures of how handsome I am.

Thankfully, we have Derek Dooley and his derpy dome to fill the void. On the surface, a 3-2 record shouldn’t have a team’s fans searching for the world’s tallest bridge, but Dooley’s Tennessee Volunteers dropped to 0-2 in the SEC after yesterday’s exciting 51-44 loss to the Georgia Bulldogs. I like Dooley and I don’t have any problems with the Vols, so I think it’s encouraging that they’re putting up such a good fight. Hopefully they’ll start winning more so fans can finish washing away the Lane Kiffin stink.

But in the meantime, keep baking those frownies, college football fans.

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I don’t know how to feel about this. As an adopted OH-bro (I lived in Cleveland for four years), I am emotionally obligated to hate Michigan, but I love watching people get trolled. So when Red Hot Chili Peppers drummer Chad Smith ended a concert in Columbus by making people woo and try to catch his drumsticks, then busted out the University of Michigan fight song before dropping the mic (as it were) and bailing, my emotions were conflicted.

According to our friends at Dr. Saturday, Smith didn’t go to Michigan, but was raised in Bloomfield Hills and Andover High School and graduated from Lahser High School, so he’s a Michigan local. I don’t know. Part of me thinks he’s my new hero. The other part, probably the part that remembers 30 years of Red Hot Chili Peppers songs, wants to jump on stage and beat him to death with his own backwards cap.

Come to think of it, this was probably the best song they played. Flea should interrupt the next concert with the Melbourne Victory club song. Anthony Kiedis can awkwardly rap over it.

You can barely notice the photoshopping.

I can’t believe the Final Four is already here. It seems like just yesterday I was telling my friends how Missouri was the most complete team and if the Tigers could get past Michigan State, then the championship was as good as theirs. That’s because that was yesterday, and I haven’t stopped bitching about how this stupid NCAA Tournament didn’t start properly and they should have started it over the moment that Norfolk State screwed everything up. Damn it, if I could re-start Contra because I didn’t enter the cheat code in time, then I should be able to demand that 600 student athletes postpone their studies for one more week for the sake of my mild gambling habits.

But that’s the power of the tourney, friends. Very little has made sense thus far, except that the Kentucky Wildcats are as unstoppable as everyone but Ashley Judd and a few hundred moonshine distributors want them to be. That’s not to say that this Final Four lacks excitement, though. Quite the opposite. Sure, I may only have one team left and I’m in dead last, but my viewing enjoyment shall be taken care of. More importantly, we’re all in for some excitement, which is why I’m back once again to display my incredible expert knowledge.

How much of an expert am I? Check my bracket for yourself.

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