The Bulls were blown out for the second consecutive game in their series against the Pistons, falling 108-87 and going down 2-0 with the series headed to Chicago.  Tayshaun Prince scored 25 points for the Pistons, Rip Hamilton had 24, and Chris Webber added 22 on a preposterous 10-of-11 field goals.  Chauncey Billups got into the fun with 14 points and 10 dimes.

As for Chicago… oy.  Kirk Hinrich led the stink bomb with a whopping 2 points on 0-for-7 shooting, and the Pistons sacrificed Benny the Bull during the halftime show for a wild Auburn Hills crowd.  It was terrible — there was blood and plush stuffing everywhere.

On the other side of the country, played much later at night, viewers were treated to a much more exciting game as the Jazz rallied past the Warriors in the final quarter to win 116-112.  Deron Williams went for 31 and 8 assists, and Carlos Boozer was an acned monster on the boards, scoring 17 (including the go-ahead bucket) to go with his 20 rebounds.  Has anybody else noticed that Boozer is noticeably stronger and quicker than he ever was in Cleveland, and his skin looks like the "Before" part of a ProActiv ad?  If anyone wants to cough into their hand while saying "steroids," that's not technically slander.  Trust me, I'm an expert at it.

Following the Jazz's Game 1 loss to the Rockets, Andrei Kirilenko did little to toughen up his image when he cried about his lack of playing time.  Literally.

Sitting alone at the edge of the court after the Jazz practiced for Game 2 of their first-round playoff series, the team's highest-paid player cried.  Forward Andrei Kirilenko used a towel to wipe tears from his red and swollen eyes Sunday while discussing his minimal role in the Jazz's 84-75 loss to the Rockets in Game 1. Kirilenko played only 16 minutes.

First of all, this story would be way better if one of the reporters had depantsed him while he cried.  That woulda been sweet.  Second, I'd like to make fun of him, but real men like me and Andrei know when it's okay to cry.  Like when Old Yeller gets shot.  Or when you're hanging out with your Marine buddies at the VFW.  Or Kodak commercials.  Or sometimes when I'm just retaining a lot of water.  Or especially the last ten minutes of "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition."  You move that bus, Ty.  You move that bus!

Acknowledging chin-raise: the FanHaus, which will never confuse Andrei with Maria Kirilenko.

You know, this sort of thing is starting to look awfully familiar, as if Gilbert Arenas's game-winning threes are replays of each other.

That shot gave Agent Zero 51 points for the game and the Wizards a win over the Jazz last night in Washington. Yeah, I guess it's a good night, but he did only have five assists.

After the game, Arenas said some funny/confident/off-the-cuff things that made NBA fans and bloggers all a-twitter. I mean, probably. I haven't read anything about it, but why should this day be any different?

HT: NBA FanHaus 

UPDATE: Yup, he said something awesome. 

The Utah Jazz's mascot is named Bear. Not Jazzy the Bear, and certainly not Grizz — that's the Grizzlies' bear mascot — just plain ol' "Bear," proving once again that Utah is fucking boring. Also, I hate the Jazz.

That just gives a little context to why this video is so satisfying. Although even if you like Bear, the Jazz, or Utah, it's still immensely awesome.

"It works on so many levels." 

Source = Nothing Toxic

UPDATE: Wet blanket commenter Michael points out that this is part of the Bear's act, and that we have all been "punked," as the kids say. Oh yeah? Well, the Bear mascot is still fuckin' stupid, so there. 

Two things happened at the Staples Center last night: 1. Kobe Bryant blew up for 52 points on 19-of-26 shooting, and 2. the Jazz got pwn3d 132-102.

What a pleasant blowout. You just don't see teams scoring 130+ points in a game often enough in the NBA (the Lakers scored 79 points in the second half alone), and it's a nice treat to see the state of Utah's finest lose three out of four after opening the season 12-1.

After the game, Utah coach Jerry Sloan talked about Bryant's performance:

"He caught the ball and got on a roll; he just made whatever he caught. Players like that, they get on a roll and I don't think there's much you can do. He really raped us tonight."

Okay, I made that last sentence up. Besides, it was consensual.

I apologize to you sexy readers for not delivering daily NBA updates. It's hard for me to work up excitement about the Association on a day-to-day basis. To quote (somewhat out of context) the great Bethlehem Shoals,

As someone who has generally had to make due with network coverage, you forget how many unremarkable nights there are in the NBA, how often two moderately competitive, marignally interesting teams threaten to swallow three hours of your life. It's also made the NBA a given, something I can take for granted…

Until the second half of the season, the NBA is just kind of… there. And I take it for granted. Also, since I don't have any particular team alliance, I tend to just cheer for FreeDarko's "League of Stars" concept. Basically, I'm cheering for the highlight reel. Lame, I know. I learned it from Joe Theisman.

To make amends, I hereby promise to take a shit on the Utah Jazz whenever possible. Why the Jazz? Easy: (1) Karl Malone and John Stockton: Assholes. (2) Utah is lame. (3) I don't care if the team came from New Orleans, "Jazz" is a retarded name for a team in the whitest state in the Union. (4) They've started out 4-0, and I love hating good teams.

The future is now: join in me in a "Utah sucks!" chant.