I understand that Bill Cosby is a legend and all, but… ummm… this intro to last night’s Temple-Ohio game makes me think that he’s a little bit, oh, what’s the word? INSANE. Completely off-his-rocker Alzheimer dementia insane.
To be fair, though, this is better than Ohio’s most famous graduate showing off his skills. I don’t ever want to see Peter King deep-throating a 12-inch cucumber.
Maurice Pearson, a sophomore basketball player at Ohio University, has been suspended from the team indefinitely for shooting two sorority girls with a BB gun.
Pearson, 18, was found guilty of aggravated menacing and assault last Thursday, after shooting two Delta Gamma Sorority members with an Airsoft gun on the second floor of James Hall Sept. 24. Pearson pleaded no contest to the charges of aggravated menacing and assault…
Pearson was fined and ordered to four days of house arrest. In addition, Pearson is ordered not to contact the victims.
I don’t quite understand why you’d shoot girls with a BB gun. Unless BB guns come with tranq darts now, in which case I need to go shopping. But c’mon dude, they’re sorority girls, and you’re an athlete. Give them a beer and furrow your brow when they talk, and you’ll be naked with them in 30 minutes. They’re not exactly wild game to be hunted.
You would think playing football for Ohio University would be a bad omen for your stock in life, but that's not the case for offensive lineman Mike Eynon. He just won the lottery.
He is the luckiest man in Athens after winning the second tier of the Ohio Lottery Mega Millions, worth $250,000. After taxes, Eynon will receive $172,500…
Eynon matched all five numbers but missed out on the mega ball that could have awarded him $34 million. Still, Mike isn’t complaining.
The first thing I thought when I saw this was, this has to be a violation of NCAA rules, because the NCAA forbids athletes from doing things like looking at money and farting in the same room as someone with cash. But no: "The NCAA views the lottery as a game of chance (such as a raffle) and winning it is not in violation of any rules." Well jeez, then why do they get so bent out of shape when I try to fix games? It's still technically a game of chance.
Only in Utah could dyed blond hair be indicative of a deviant lifestyle (in the sense that it's outrageous and not just gay). That's the stance taken by Jazz's Jerry Sloan, who objects to Kyrylo Fesenko's newly bleached hair.
"He's got a long way to go to make himself a better player," Sloan said. "He has skills, but sometimes the outside things will take you right out of this game. If those things are more important than basketball, that's where you get in trouble."
"A lot of people have skills," Sloan added. "A lot of them are sitting on the sidewalk wondering what happened 20 years ago when they had a chance. He's got to figure out what he wants to do and play basketball or be a clown."
I don't know where Sloan has been living where homeless people sit on the streets with dyed blond hair questioning what went wrong with their lives, but it's probably the most fabulouth place on Earth. Those bottles of peroxide are awful addictive though. You start out slow but soon those flaxen tresses get so good to you that you'll do anything to keep them. Even if it means… well, I won't go into too much detail. Let's just say platinum pubes do exist.
NBA — It's as though home teams are actually faring well in these playoffs! The Celtics and the Lakers grabbed 3-2 series leads with clear but less than dominant victories, giving them a chance to maybe consider winning a road game to close out a series, but we know better. Kobe must have snuck in a quick backiotomy prior to tip, as the Mamba lost the hitch in his step from Game 3 and uncoiled for 26 points, joining the rest of the Lakers' starters in double-figures. Pau Gasol's (21 points, six rebounds, eight assists) two field goals inside the final two minutes helped shut the door on the Jazz.
The Celtics spread the offensive well, getting 26 points from Kevin Garnett, 29 from Paul Pierce and 20 from Rajon Rondo. LeBron found his shot - for a half. James got the Cavs up 43-29 in the 2nd with eight straight points. Boston narrowed the gap to 46-43 by half and left the Cavs for dead with a 29-17 third quarter.
NHL — The Stars' insolence showed in their 3-1 win in Game 4 to send the Western Conference Finals back to Detroit for a very, very necessary Game 5. There's your gutsy win for pride in front of the home crowd, Dallas. Great good effort, guys. So, over now? Please say yes.
MLB – C.C. Sabathia gives the Indians their league-leading 7th shutout win this year with a complete game five-hitter…Tom Glavine gets his first victory since returning to the Braves, giving up Chase Utley's league-leading 14th homer but finishing with a serviceable four earned in 5 2/3 in the Braves' 8-6 win over the Phillies…The Brewers blown save by Guillermo Mota in Milwaukee's 6-4 loss to L.A. shouldn't be misconstrued as a boon for Eric Gagne. Rather that the Brewers have no effective short relievers…Never fails. People spend Monday gawking about the Marlins and Rays atop their divisions aaaand BAM, that day both teams lose. All their fans will be pissed, once they come into existence.
Deseret News (link via Ball Don't Lie) profiled Jazz guard Kyle Korver, and it seems the recent transplant from Philadelphia is more popular than ever before:
On any night in EnergySolutions Arena, there are enough signs to fill the Republican Convention, most of them held aloft by women. Kyle, we love you. Kyle, will you marry me? From two young girls: Kyle, will you wait for me? From two older women: Why go for two when you can go for three? [...]
Korver's female fans are different than what you might expect from the NBA arena. For the most part, these are not groupies in provocative, come-hither clothing. These are grandmas, housewives, grade-school kids and teens, ranging in age from 7 to 60…
TV stations and newspapers have already produced several in-depth profiles about Korver, and he's only been with the team for four months. The media honeymoon is on for Korver. Veteran TV newscasters like Shauna Lake are reduced to asking fawning questions like this one: "What did your mom do to raise a guy like you?" [...]
Go figure. All this attention and adulation for a player who averages less than 10 points and plays less than half the game.
Yes, go figure. Why would Utah fans embrace a role-player when the heart and soul of the team are Deron Williams and Carlos Boozer? Can anyone solve this mystery? It's like a puzzle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a riddle wrapped in thousands and thousands of white people.
