As a St. Louis Cardinals fan, I’m generally regarded as more thoughtful, intelligent and ticklish than other baseball fans, because, as everyone in America has agreed unanimously to call us, we are the best fans in baseball. In reality, though, Cardinals fans are no different than any other fans of any other teams in any others sports. There are plenty of a-holes hanging out at Busch Stadium, but they’re the best a-holes in baseball, damn it.

And I know that the Redbird faithful may charge me with treason or blasphemy for leaking this little secret, but Twitter has been leaking it like a busted septic tank long enough, as evidenced by my new favorite Twitter account du jour – Baseball’s Best Fans. A sample:

Basically, a brave, anonymous baseball truther is taking on the fans of the senior circuit’s most decorated franchise and exposing them as witless, offensive, racist, homophobic dolts. Or as we like to call them… sports fans.

After the jump, enjoy a small sampling of @BestFansStLouis.

Read the rest of this entry »

Some Raiders fans are really quite pleasant.

For the past two years, the NFL has apparently been sending undercover rival fans into stadiums to goad home fans into starting fights so Roger Goodell and his army of peacekeepers could weed out the sh*tty fans. Somewhere Bryan Stow’s family is like, “WTF Bud Selig?”

The fans that were busted picking fights and acting a fool, as my friend Ludacris would say, received lifetime bans from NFL games, because little Timmy and Sally Everyperson need to have a good time watching guys kick the piss out of each other on a field every Sunday.

But don’t worry, guys who like getting hammered and picking fights to make yourselves feel better about your awful lives. The NFL is giving you all a second chance by letting you take an online test to make sure you’ve learned your lessons.

“We’re not trying to squash anyone’s passion. We’re just trying to say don’t be violent,” said Dr. Ari Novick, the Californian who’s the brains behind the program.

Requirements will vary depending on the stadium, but most of the time the stadium louts will have to pass the test before being allowed back in, he said.

The classes are an effort to stem the rising tide of ugly stadium behavior that has included everything from bare-knuckle brawls to lewd Jets fans who screamed obscenities at women until they exposed their breasts in a rude Gate D tradition at the old Giants Stadium. (Via the New York Post)

The test also costs $75, so I wouldn’t be too shocked if a few people end up failing them two or three or 12 times before they’re allowed back, if you know what I mean.

Actually, the NFL doesn’t get any of the money. For each person who takes the test, Mothers Against Drunk Driving gets $10 and the HERO Campaign gets another $10. The other $55? Oh, it goes in Dr. Novick’s pocket. How convenient of an idea.

There are a few types of stories I try not to miss — baseball players in drag, pets who have miraculously found their way home after natural disasters — but the best story of all is the one where a Philadelphia sports fan is acting like a butthole and gets hit or shocked or shot with something.

Via Puck Daddy:

During the first round of the 2011 Eastern Conference Playoffs, a Philadelphia Flyers fan taunted the Buffalo Sabres during warm-ups before a game at Wells Fargo Center, and the Sabres responded by plunking a few pucks off the glass at this pest.

Eventually, it was time for 6-foot-7 defenseman Tyler Myers to offer his rejoinder — with smashing results.

I don’t want to piss off the “no fan deserves this” or “there were kids sitting nearby who could’ve gotten hurt” crowds, but I feel it’s my obligation as a guy who has calmly loved and followed sports his entire life to find some level of schadenfreude in the unfortunate events that befall the people who won’t shut up during them. And also Flyers fans.

Lost in the shuffle of BCS chicanery last week was the plight of Brigham Young University, whose football program was hoping to make its own exodus of sorts from the Mountain West Conference. Considering the history of the Mormon culture, I’m kinda surprised that BYU doesn’t play in multiple conferences at the same time.

The Provo, Utah, school doesn’t have many alternatives since the Mountain West pulled the rug from under the Western Athletic Conference by raiding Fresno State and Nevada. BYU was contemplating going to the WAC in all sports except football and becoming an independent in football but playing a handful of WAC opponents.

BYU has made no secret it wants greater freedom to broadcast its games over its network, BYU-TV. Unlike the proposed University of Texas network, BYU-TV isn’t a cash cow but a vehicle for spreading the Mormon faith.

–Denver Post.

The fact is that, in the history of horrible fanbases, BYU has gotten a pass, and that’s just not right. While Ohio State fans might urinate wherever they please and Alabama fans can’t read and Clemson fans can’t manage expectations, BYU fans for the large part think they’re the LDS version of Notre Dame. Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve always sympathized with celebrities and athletes who go to organized events where they’re supposed to deal with every jackass who approaches them. While I’m sure they do have some fun and thoughtful discussions while there, they’ve probably had to answer the same questions a thousand times. Baseball Hall of Famer Gary Carter experienced the dark side of fandom at All-Star Fan Fest earlier this week.

I’ve been receiving e-mails about a particular video that was just posted on YouTube. A fan shot this video during All-Star Fan Fest. When he asked Hall of Famer Gary Carter to sign a picture for his kid, Carter said “No” and all parties get angry. Security had to get involved. Well you’re just going to have to see the video. By the way, I was at Fan Fest yesterday. I’ll upload pictures later today.

Look, Tony Gwynn didn’t sign anything but a 8×10 picture that was made from State Farm. I’m not defending Carter, but if you already know he’s not going to sign anything else, why create a scene? I got Gwynn’s autograph knowing that I was ONLY going to get a 8×10 picture. He wasn’t going to sign anything else.

Security involvement was funny. He got in the fans face just to show up on YouTube. That’s all. Just watch it… –Vin Scully is My Homeboy via Sports Illustrated

Getting an autograph for your kid is a noble cause, but putting a camera in Gary’s face and “threatening” to put the video on Youtube isn’t the way to go about doing so. Sure, he got what he wanted, but set a horrible example for the youngsters in the process. Maybe letting your kid get denied an autograph would be a better life expierence for him than watching his dad pester a guy who’s sick of signing crap for ungrateful fans. Now, you’re just teaching him that if acts like a big enough douchebag, he can whine until he gets what he wants. You’ve probably seen this guy bitching incessantly at the umpire over balls and strikes at your kid’s little games. Video after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »