Actor Gary Sinise has accomplished a lot in his 35-year film career — he’s shot Lennie Small in the back of the head, gone on a mission to Mars, helped the Apollo astronauts get back to Earth and dropped an atomic bomb on World War II Japan — but he’s most famous for his role as Forrest Gump’s lieutenant Dan Taylor, a depressed amputee who comes from a long line of soldiers with a dubious history of dying in combat.

So it is in “dubious history of dying” spirit I present to you this clip of Sinise throwing out the first pitch at Wednesday’s Texas Rangers/Oakland Athletics game. You know it’s bad when a guy in a horse costume has to console you.

It wasn’t Mariah Carey or Jessica Jung from Girls’ Generation, but he was definitely pitching in John Wall territory.

When Captain wandered up to usher him off the field, Sinise should’ve broke out the “Goddamn it! What are you doing? You leave me here! Get away. Just leave me here! Get out! Oh God, I said leave me here, Goddamn it!”

[banner image via Reuters]

Back in 2010, we were introduced to a young couple at a Houston Astros game, as they became instant Internet celebrities thanks to every sports blog on the planet and eventually Daniel Tosh. In case your memory is fuzzy from all the meth, Chris Johnson hit a foul ball into the field box along the left field line, and the boyfriend took cover like a frightened toddler as his then-girlfriend was hit by the ball. Needless to say, that relationship didn’t last.

On Sunday, Brandon Inge ousted the “foul ball couple” as the Internet’s favorite fan f*ck-ups when he belted a 3-run home run off rookie Matt Moore in the third inning, and it smacked a Tampa fan right in the gooners. To make matters worse, the ball ricocheted off the Rays fan’s crotch into his lady friend’s face. Really, it’s the feel good video of the summer.

And here’s the complete Tosh.0 takedown of the Astros “foul ball couple”. It really holds up well as an inspiring love story.

And some dudes dig it too, don't hate.

He should be your favorite player, too. Two reasons:

1. He knows what The Dugout is and agrees with me about Brian Wilson.

2. He isn’t afraid to call out Kiss Cam homophobia:

After a game in Anaheim, the pitcher tweeted: “They put two guys on the ‘Kiss Cam’ tonight. What hilarity!! (by hilarity I mean offensive homophobia). Enough with this stupid trend.”

McCarthy considers it incongruous for MLB teams to sponsor “It Gets Better” antihate campaigns and not banish this brand of humor.

“The whole thing bugs me on a non-homophobic level, because it’s awkward,” he said. “… I just hate it.”

…

“If there are gay people who are coming to a game and seeing something like that, you can’t assume they’re comfortable with it,” he said. “If you’re even making a small group of people … feel like outcasts, then you’re going against what makes your model successful.”

How awesome is that? That’s the kind of positive human rights stance we need more of from our celebrities — less Lady Gaga-esque “GOD BLESS THE GAYS” pander-rousing from behind a podium and more sane, observant people going, “hey, it’s stupid to treat people like this, let’s stop doing that”. And if we could get rid of the Kiss Cam completely, that’d be a bonus.

Brandon McCarthy, you are awesome no matter how long it takes Oakland to provide some run support and help you stop losing games.

… Moneyball Harder.

Although I guess the idea of Moneyball is that Beane’s system found under-appreciated value in players and was able to build a team using a system nobody else knew about or understood. Moneyball 2‘s plot is just going to be Billy Beane walking into the Washington Nationals front office and saying “give me all your best young players for this one dude because you’re stupid” and Ted Lerner going “DURRRRRR SURE”. And also Jonah Hill will be there.

Via Big League Stew:

ESPN.com’s Keith Law reported via Twitter that the Washington Nationals have acquired [pitcher Gio] Gonzalez from the Oakland Athletics in exchange for four top prospects.

On their way to a future in green and gold are pitchers A.J. Cole, Brad Peacock and Tom Milone, along with catcher Derek Norris. Cole, Peacock and Norris were among the Nationals’ top 10 prospects as rated by Baseball America. And Minor League Ball’s John Sickels had Milone in his Nats top 10, as well.

I guess I’m happy that Nats GM Mike Rizzo has a talking point for his offseason, and nothing the guys who gave Jayson Werth 130 million f**king dollars should come as a surprise. Chances are they’re still going to go after Prince Fielder, too, so maybe they’re going to tie the remaining six prospects together and FedEx them to someone to thin out the competition.

Regardless, Mike Cameron should start learning the words to “The Show”.

Saturday Night Live isn’t always on the cutting edge of comedy and “baseball = steroids” isn’t the most creative joke, but I couldn’t help but enjoy this Moneyball parody from Saturday’s show. It features exaggerated muscle suits, Jay Pharoah eating a baseball and a wistful young daughter so wistful she can’t help but Wist when she hears the A’s are cheating. The only real downside is Ben Stiller still thinking “nervous, put-upon Jewish guy” and “slimy Jewish businessman” are the only two characters he can play. More Tony Perkis, less Tony Perkis Sr., Ben.

Check out the video below, courtesy of Hulu, who are proud to support the efforts of whoever:

This comes on the heels of College Humor’s “Too Much Moneyball”, at at this rate Eddie Murphy and Brett Ratner aren’t going to have anything left to parody at the Academy Awards. Who am I kidding? We could get ten more funny Moneyball parodies and Ratner would still fill the first 15 minutes of the Oscars with Murphy superimposed over Brad Pitt and yelling MONEYBALL, WHATCHOO TALKIN BOUT MONEYBALL I OUGHTA SLAP YOU to stock footage of Jonah Hill.

With Moneyball set to hit theaters tomorrow, Sony Pictures has the PR and marketing armada in full force, with the exclamation point being Brad Pitt on the cover of Sports Illustrated this week. “Moneyball,” of course, is an excellent book by Michael Lewis that tells the true story of Oakland Athletics GM Billy Beane and his (sort of) revolutionary sabermetrics system. Moneyball the movie, though, is a fictitious take on the book that stars Pitt as Beane and Jonah Hill as a character based on former A’s assistant GM Paul DePodesta, who didn’t want his name in the movie.

I share similar opinions about this film with our comrade at WWTDD, but baseball movies are still like sex with a pizza to me – it’s never bad. Either way, I was pretty disappointed with the cast of Moneyball, in that there are no current or former MLB players playing themselves. But then one listing caught my attention:

Royce Clayton as Miguel Tejada

That’s right, former MLB shortstop for 11 teams, Royce Clayton is making his acting debut as Miguel Tejada. I pray that he just has one line and he walks into the clubhouse and in a terrible accent asks if anyone has seen his vitamins. Runner-up for best casting choice goes to actor Gary “G. Thang” Johnson as Jermaine Dye. I’m strongly considering changing my nickname to B. Thang.

Also making the rounds for Moneyball is Hill, who was in Oakland yesterday to throw out the first pitch for the Athletics against the Detroit Tigers. Hill is on a first pitch parade, having tossed out the opener at the Chicago White Sox game last Wednesday as well. But Hill’s first effort came more than a year ago, when he threw out the first pitch at a Boston Red Sox game. I thought we might take a look at how his game has progressed.

Hill’s first ceremonial effort came before a Boston Red Sox game in 2010. It’s not much of a stretch to say he looks a little different.

It’s like Pablo Sandoval vs. Tim Lincecum. On the reacharound you can check out videos of Hill’s first pitch performances.

It’s official … he’s back in Cleveland! No, not this guy.

Sports

Yankees-Athletics: Live-Blogging The Luncheon For The Friends Of Eric Plunk - Jon and Nick of The Dugout (if they ever actually want to write them) spend six hours and change live-blogging a baseball game. In a related story, Eric Plunk is probably the worst and ugliest motherf**ker of all time. [SBN]

Technique Video Of the Day: 10th Planet Leg Lock - Joanne Spracklen is somebody I feel like you should know about, and given how easy it is for MMA girls who don’t look like Ghouls to get leading lady action movie roles, you might as well jump on her bandwagon now. [Cage Potato]

NBA Lockout Report: Derrick Williams Dunks On People - Brandon’s personal NBA Lockout Report: he is probably never going to get up to Dallas and see a Mavericks game live, is he? [TSS]

It’s Draft Season And Women Be Bringin’ You Down: The KSK Sex/Fantasy Football Mailbag - Worth clicking for Nathan Explosion in the header, even more worth clicking for the huge Saved By The Bell gif. I should start the With Leather Saved By The Bell/Fantasy Baseball Mailbag. [KSK]

Not Sports

Jim Carrey’s Love Letter to Emma Stone, as Read by His Ass - I don’t really blame him for (fake) pouring his heart out on the Internet, but Real Talk, Bryce Dallas Howard was a way hotter Gwen Stacy. I know you don’t agree with me already, but I will die defending this. [Film Drunk]

The Hilarious (and Dead On) Caricatures of Cartoonist Pete Emslie - What would your favorite celebrity look like if they showed up on the Flintstones? Find out here! Ah man, I wish that’s what this was. Natalie Port-rock! [UPROXX]

The Wire Inspired Motivational Posters Are Inspiring, Motivational - Needs more “”You gonna help, huh? You gonna look out for me? You gonna look out for me, Sgt. Carver?” but still outstanding. Stringer Bell was the best. [UPROXX]

Hustler Says They’re Close to Releasing Rihanna Sex Tape - Hopefully it’s with Jon Hamm and features a cameo from Shy Ronnie. [FARK]

15 Year-Old Girl Gets a Bionic Hand - Pretty cool, but call me when she can shoot it at ledges and use it to swing in and attack Nazis. For a more concise reference, “I hope she named it Fisto!” [Warming Glow]

The Best of 1960′s Spider-Man, Part 2 - I sincerely advise anyone who clicks this to go on Netflix and actually watch the old Spider-Man cartoon, as it is super hilarious and trippy. It has the laziest backgrounds this side of Caillou, and near the end just turns into colors and noises. [Gamma Squad]

10 Things You Didn’t Know About New York City and Hurricanes - I don’t know anything about New York City OR Hurricanes, so this was extremely informative. I did see The Hurricane wrestle in New York City once, does that count? [Buzzfeed]

Tom Cruise’s Ladies, Past and Present: Oh, the Horror! - If Tom Cruise is indeed heterosexual, I would prefer his celebrity female take to Derek Jeter’s. I’d miss Scarlett Johansson, and Katie Holmes didn’t show up until she was already aging out of Joey Potter, but Sofia Vergara and pre-MILF Mimi Rogers MORE than make up for it. [Moviefone]

Foul balls — people who want them, and the fatter, meaner people who end up taking them — have become an important topic of discussion at With Leather. The latest talking point comes to us from the Tampa Bay Rays/Oakland Athletics game at Tropicana Field on Saturday night, and features a “best of” selection of foul ball atrocities: grown men fighting, ejections, children left desperately yearning and a security guard making tough calls like he’s an actual law enforcement agent.

The Rays TV broadcast team of Dewayne Staats, Brian Anderson, and Todd Kalas tell the story, by way of Sports Grid:

I think that’s the best solution I’ve ever seen to grown men battling each other in a trash can. Just leave the ball in the trash and don’t let anybody get it. It gets better when you watch the video and see the people sitting around telling their best AW MAN HERE’S WHAT I SHOULDA SAID TO HIM versions of the story while the Rays just flounder (fish reference) and get shut out. I was hoping some a-hole would try to outsmart the security guy by picking up the entire trash can and walking away with it.

Lesson learned, again: Foul balls are not important enough for you to be acting like this.

On July 5, in the 10th inning of a 2-2 game against the Oakland Athletics, Franklin Gutierrez and Brendan Ryan scored to give the Seattle Mariners a 4-2 victory and a .500 record. Normally that kind of story wouldn’t be worth telling, but it was also the last time that Seattle has won a game. Since that night in Oakland, the Mariners have lost 17 games in a row. The American League record is 21 (1988 Baltimore Orioles) and the Major League Baseball record is 23 (1961 Philadelphia Phillies). After last night’s 4-1 one-hit loss to C.C. Sabathia and the New York Yankees, it’s looking like a record could be on the cold, rainy Emerald City horizon.

As a St. Louis Cardinals fan, I’m generally regarded as one of the most intelligent, classy and, in this case, sympathetic fans in sports. Seattle fans are a good, knowledgeable and loyal bunch, but they’re never really regarded in the same conversations as the other heartbroken fan bases in sports, like those of the Pittsburgh Pirates or the Cleveland Anythings. After losing the Supersonics to Oklahoma City and Super Bowl XL to the Pittsburgh Steelers, the fans of Seattle sports really only have the Mariners to hang their hopes on (with all due respect to Charlie Whitehurst and your 2011 Seahawks).

That’s why this losing streak is just so sad. Sad enough that I thought we could take a look back at the games, with the help of some really sad pooches. Oh, and for full appreciation of a Mariners fan’s sorrow, play this song in another window.

Special Breaking Score Update: There’s been a new dog added to reflect today’s Yankees-Mariners outcome.

Some guy named Guillermo Moscoso pitched 7 innings of 2-hit baseball to give the M’s back-to-back losses. No big deal, right?

This loss was pretty simple – Jered Weaver. The younger brother of nutbag Jeff pitched a complete game gem to make it three in a row and a legit losing streak for the M’s.

Close but no smoked salmon. The M’s entered the 9th tied at 3 with the Halos, but Anaheim rookie Mike Trout made a diving catch to close out Seattle in the top half and Mark Trumbo ended the game with a walk-off blast.

Close games be damned. Torii Hunter hit two home runs and drove in 5 RBI while completely demoralizing M’s pitcher Michael Pineda. Seattle matched Anaheim with 12 hits, but the Mariners left 11 runners stranded.

Dan Haren allowed 5 hits and 2 two runs to sink the M’s for their 5th-consecutive loss. Felix Hernandez pitched 7 strong innings for the M’s but his bullpen failed him. With so many Japanese fans, they should be happy nobody demanded Seppuku.

Derek Holland was coming off a complete game shutout when he faced the Mariners, and their slumping ways gave him all he needed for a repeat performance. Holland was perfect through 5 and only gave up 5 hits over the last 4 innings.

Another shutout, this time by Colby Lewis, who pitched 8 2/3 innings of 4-hit baseball. Over the now 7-game losing streak, Ichiro Suzuki’s batting average dropped from .275 to .264.

C.J. Wilson recorded his 10th win of the season in the Mariners’ 8th consecutive loss. But for Felix Hernandez, it was just another tale of a broken back. The King carried the M’s for 7 innings before he gave up 3 runs in the 8th inning. He’s aware that other teams want him, right?

Four-game sweep complete, the Rangers got another gem from Matt Harrison in his best performance of the season. The Mariners’ averages were falling faster than an FSU applicant’s SAT scores. (Yay, it’s college football joke time!)

The desperation was there, and so was the effort. But the win still wouldn’t happen. The Blue Jays and Mariners fought for 14 innings before John McDonald hit a walk-off sac fly to give the birds the victory. Ichiro was 1-for-7 and his average was down to an incredibly poor .260.

Jason Vargas was shelled for 5 runs in 3 innings and the M’s couldn’t rally any support until it was too late. Amazingly, the Jays had 11 runs and Jose Bautista had very little to do with it, which makes it all the more sad.

Miguel Olivo hit a game-tying grand slam in the 8th inning to give the Mariners a much-needed boost, but the bullpen missed that memo and gave 2 runs right back to the Jays. At least Ichiro went 3-for-4 and raised his average to .265.

Another game, another loss, another case of Felix Hernandez carrying the burden and collapsing. King Felix took a 2-1 deficit into the 7th when the Red Sox unleashed on him for 5 runs. Seattle came back with a 3-run rally in the 8th but it was already over.

Dustin Ackley’s 3-for-5 performance at the plate was the only bright spot in this 14th consecutive dud for the Mariners. Ackley raised his average to a team-leading .292. Yikes.

Michael Pineda was rocked again, as he surrendered 5 runs in the first inning of his 4 1/3 inning “meh”fort. Ackley went 2-for-5 and raised his average to .297. Funny, his average was pushing toward .300 as quickly as the M’s winning percentage.

Meltdown City. The Yankees poured 8 runs on Seattle’s Jason Vargas, with two errors not helping the cause either. To make it all worse, the Mariners were completely done in by their former (washed up) ace, Freddy Garcia. Maybe they can get him in a trade for Felix Hernandez.

(And, as mentioned, No. 17 was last night. Now go home and hug your dogs.)

A few words about The Dugout before you read today’s strip.

1. If you like The Dugout, be sure to “like” it on Facebook and follow us there. It’s the second easiest way to know when a Dugout has been posted, with the added bonus of meeting individuals like yourself who enjoy reading baseball players cursing at each other. The easiest way is to load the With Leather main page and repeatedly refresh.

2. I know 60% of my job is to beg for them, but your comments (and shares, and likes, and +1s) are deeply appreciated. Don’t be afraid to drop a comment below, even if it’s just “dugout get” or “base ball gay”. I like to hear from you, and am always open to suggestions, screen names, topics and the like.

3. Do not leave “dugout get” or “base ball gay” comments.

Now, about that stupid thing on Coco Crisp’s neck …

The Dugout

	SoggyInMilk: nah, it’s called a surface piercing. Look /
	SoggyInMilk: so yeah, I did it on purpose
	ATimeToCahill: oh wow ok i thought you got into a bb gun fight on a team with your dad but then he shot you in the neck and revealed it was every man for himself
	SoggyInMilk: for the last f**king time that is not what happened
	ATimeToCahill: yeah but see what I thought was-
	OnlyThePenningtonManShallPass: now that we know it’s not a horrid growth, I guess my only question is "why is this a thing you did in real life"
	SoggyInMilk: well because it’s b.a. first of all
	SoggyInMilk: second of all, I wanted something metal in my neck, and it was either this or swallowing a fork
	SoggyInMilk: I thought to myself "everybody else has earrings, nose rings, eyebrow rings, tongue rings, belly button rings, cock rings corset piercings cranial drillings septum bones and jax arms, what else can I do?"
	SoggyInMilk: so I stuck in a needle in a part of me that would cause me to die and jammed a Hungry Hungry Hippo food in there
	ATimeToCahill: is it forever
	SoggyInMilk: the tattoo part is, yeah
	SoggyInMilk: the piercing will eventually be pushed out as the body rejects a foreign object, leaving me with a neck blemish surrounded by crosshairs
	ATimeToCahill: cool
	OnlyThePenningtonManShallPass: yeah then maybe you can be a spokesman for ProActiv
	SoggyInMilk: I tried piercing my hair but it kept falling out
	SoggyInMilk: shut up
	DontMatterToDeJesus: one time I got a splinter in my hand and it hurt, but girls started noticing me, trying to help me, so I kept it in and drew a bunch of tribal around it
	JemileJemazel: i thank it look good
	SoggyInMilk: thanks, man
	JemileJemazel: also thank my hands is rocketships
	ATimeToCahill: so your body rejects it because its not spost to be there, and pushes it out in time
	SoggyInMilk: right, exactly
	ATimeToCahill: so it’s like doodoo
	SoggyInMilk: argh, no, not like doodoo think of it like Terrell Owens
	OnlyThePenningtonManShallPass: so exactly like doodoo?
	DontMatterToDeJesus: stop saying doodoo we are adults, just say sh**
	DontMatterToDeJesus: wait, why is that weird sh** sh** sh**sh** shirt sh-it sh** sh**sh**sh**
	DontMatterToDeJesus: what’s going on, how long has this been like this?
	SoggyInMilk: if we wanna keep getting paid, we gotta say "doodoo"
	ATimeToCahill: we get paid?
	OnlyThePenningtonManShallPass: so what’s next for Coco Crisp? Gonna get that batting average up over .270?
	SoggyInMilk: nah I was probably gonna think of a funny way to wear my pants
	SoggyInMilk: you think if I put my left leg in the right leg hole and let the left pant flap in the breeze they’d give me a blurb on Yahoo Sports
	ATimeToCahill: def, that doodoo would be hilare
	OnlyThePenningtonManShallPass: what if we buckled down and played hard though August, and got back into second place?
	SoggyInMilk: why would anybody write about that
	DontMatterToDeJesus: sh**

Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com