We really have no idea how many crazy old white people are roaming the streets of the Bay Area in Northern California (maybe the census can tell us?), but we’ve already had to adjust our count from two to one. That’s based on the fact that the 67-year-old white guy in the AC Transit Showdown of 2010 and the crazy cook that got himself tased during an Oakland A’s game last August are one and the same. Read the rest of this entry »
I’m going to a baseball game tonight and after watching this video, my hopes for an exciting evening at the ballpark have skyrocketed: some old guy got tasered at the A’s game last night after he “was being belligerent,” as you can hear in the tape. I’m not a big fan of the whole tasing practice, but the alternative methods for removing this gentleman from his seat seemed even more ominous.
That said, there’s no reason that this guy should have been allowed to fall and hit his head on the concourse. If the state is going to assume custody of someone’s body, any injury happening to that person is on the police. Sure, that dude looks crusty and probably smells like an old Filet o’ Fish, but those cops aren’t lumberjacks. And that prick is not a tree.
The magic happens around the 1:10 mark, but I suggest watching the whole thing; the tension builds up rather well. And then watch the big guy in blue get pushed down the stairs and then get questioned by police for having the audacity to grab an usher to help break his fall. Well done, sir. You’ve got the Best Supporting Bystander In A Videotaped Baseball Fight locked up. via, via.
Current Oakland A and former New York Yankee Jason Giambi told the San Francisco Chronicle that his post-retirement plans could involve “Maybe [being a] bouncer at a strip joint. That’s about all I’m qualified to do.” It appears that Giambi will have at least one taker:
Rick’s Cabaret New York (50 W 33 Street) wants Giambi to know that they will employ him as soon he is ready. “The Rick’s Girls love Jason,” said Rick’s Cabaret spokesperson Lonnie Hanover. “They would be glad to work with him.”
“He may think that he is only qualified to be a bouncer, but we think that he would make a good VIP host,” Hanover explained. “Rick’s is well known as the gentlemen’s club of choice for celebrities and sports stars, and Jason would often see a lot of his old teammates.”
It’s great to have options after retirement. Especially when those options involves scantily-clad women in poorly-lit rooms with overpriced beverages. But I don’t want Jason Giambi anywhere near my erection. There’s a reason that Al Gore invented porn: so we’d have something to find on Google Image Search on those lonely nights. That was Gore, right? Or was it Al Green? I get those two mixed up all the time.
What to watch for in this weekend's biggest matchups. One team or another in ALL CAPS.
WHEREVER SHE AT over Tour de France – Unless it's some seaside area near the course. I doubt it. Coordinates please.
Angels over ATHLETICS – Because this is apparently the best baseball match-up of the weekend. And one of the teams just dealt one of their starters to the Cubs. And there's still half a season left to go!
HAVING YOUR NUTS RUN OVER BY A STEAMROLLER AFTER BEING SET ON FIRE AND LANCED BY INFECTED NEEDLES over Meet Dave – And it's not even close.
Wladimir Klitschko over TONY THOMPSON – Because I think Klitschko will win. And because I want to employ the patented With Leather jinx since I'm pulling for Thompson.
So concludes another Sexy Friday. Play it safe over the weekend and as a rule of thumb: Don't Do What Matt Jones Does. Which is suck at life.
AL – In the battle of first and second place teams that isn't the Rays and the Red Sox, the Angels got a three-run rally in the 8th capped by a two-run Garret Anderson homer to get a 5-3 win over the A's and push their AL West lead to 4 1/2 games. K-Rod picked up his 33rd save, leaving him one short of John Smoltz's 2003 pre-All-Star Game record. WHOA! PRE-ALL-STAR-GAME RECORDS! PRESSURE'S ON! … Just to show us for the ribbing in the link dumb post, Richie Sexson goes yard in the Mariners 7-6 win over the Jays. Eh, he stil fights like a girl, so I'm not worried about pissing him off… The Rays continue to exploit the power of the Cowbell Kid's Trop mystique, improving to 5-0 this season in Tampa against the Red Sox. The Rays can go for the sweep tomorrow and the two teams don't play again until two series in September, when we can actually care what happens…The White Sox get one of those two-run, two-out 10th inning rallies that usually result in wins, only this time [tension mounts] it did. Oh. Super.
NL – The Phillies build their lead in the East by improving to 4-0 at Mechanical Cow Field in Atlanta, while the Nationals get a grand slam from recent walkoff hero Ronnie Belliard to hold off the Marlins…The Dodgers, only 2 1/2 games out of first in the West despite being five games under .500 get an 11th inning homer by Jeff Kent to top the Astros…The Mets unveil secret weapon Tony Armas, who wins his season debut by virtue of getting some run support…Aaron Cook tosses a five-hit complete game shutout against the Padres to swap places in the West cellar. At least it's upholstered.
Assorted Summer Boredom – Williams sisters (okay, Serena) remain the only hope for a sexy triumph at Wimbledon, as both advance to the semifinals. In transaction news, because that qualifies for action these days, Boom Dizzle is about to sign with the Clip, ditching one mediocre Cali team for another. Meanwhile, a bunch of hockey players signed with hockey teams. Sounds like a good fit.
Even though I'll never forgive John Mayer for the ear-fucking travesty of that song about mothers and daughters, his history of appearances in funny viral videos (not to mention Chappelle's Show) suggests that he's not the complete teen-girl-pandering douchebag his music would otherwise make me think.
And this video of Mayer calling part of an A's-Red Sox game in Japan will only add to Mayer's viral video cred. I'm not sure if Mayer's being ironic or actually knows nothing about baseball (I'd guess the former), but one thing's for certain: he's light years better than Joe Morgan.
(You have to applaud Dustin Pedroia for going after that third pitch: "blue and yellow" is a total hitter's count.)
