#6 Oklahoma eked out a 73-72 victory over USC last night, and part of what kept the Trojans close was Blake Griffin’s absence during part of the second half after he got nut-punched by USC’s Leon Washington.  And yet, even though they showed the replay a dozen times, neither announcer actually told the viewers what happened.  It’s like they were afraid to say groin, or genitals, or testicles, or jizz factory.  Even the AP article dances around the issue:

Griffin, a preseason All-America forward, had to come out of the game after getting elbowed below the waist by USC’s Leonard Washington with 13:54 left.

BALLS.  He got smacked in the balls.  And not with an elbow.  Announcers and journalists being pussies like this is why people read blogs.  Because we don’t cheat you out of the opportunity to talk about nut shots.  I’m all about the genitals, baby.  I keep my nose to the groinstone.

I’d sooner paint over the Mona Lisa than try to add more humor to this video. Although I would have liked to listen in on the planning meeting for this stunt:
“So, okay, I’m just gonna jump off the roof and go through the hoop. Anyone see where this might go wrong?”
“No.”
“No.”
“Okay, then it’s settled. You guys tape it, but a keep a hand free to high five me afterwards.”

(thanks to Buck for the vid)

The Louisiana State Penitentiary is commonly referred to as “Angola,” because hey, prison isn’t already scary enough.  And this particular clink is host to the longest-running prison rodeo in the nation (there are others?), the aptly named Angola Prison Rodeo.  From the NOLA.com blog:

Yes, that’s right, the entire rodeo takes place in the Louisiana State Penitentiary, and the inmates perform the rodeo, just for your pleasure…

The last event of the rodeo is stated to be the best event by the Penitentiary. “Gut’s [sic] and Glory” makes inexperienced inmates retrieve a poker chip from the meanest and toughest Brahma bull available.

A step in the right direction.  Now we just need to get rid of the bulls and have them kill each other for sport.

Also, the prison rodeo will be featured on an upcoming episode of Real Sports on HBO, where you’ll be treated to this groin-grabbingly good quote from an inmate:

“[The bull's] horn hooked me right up under my testicles, ripped them, and I looked down and both of my testicles were hanging in my hand. I mean, it wasn’t torn off from the body but they were just hanging in the skin. I looked at them and that’s when I felt the pain.”

That’s probably also when he wished he hadn’t robbed that liquor store.

I get chills just thinking about how wondrous this video is.  Yes, it is actually 34 minutes long.  And it has every face plant, nut shot, BMX crash, skateboarding accident, bear attack, sucker punch, explosion, Molotov cocktail mishap, failed parkour stunt, high-speed skiing wreck, and motorcylce stunt gone awry ever recorded, plus bonus clips of hockey fights, football hits, soccer-related groin-smashings, weightlifting disasters, various buffoonery, and random, wanton destruction.  It may be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

I call it, “The History of Pwned, Volume 1.”  Whoever created this deserves a medal and a million-dollar grant to do it again.

[via Epic Carnival]

DREAM is a Japanese mixed martial arts organization, and noted badass/former UFC fighter Mirko Cro Cop was on the card for DREAM 6 in a match against Alistair Overeem. From MMA Mania’s recap:

Later on in the round Overeem landed at least three illegal knees to the groin — one of which wasn’t caught by the referee. After the last one Cro Cop was in obvious agony. The words that came out of Bas Rutten’s mouth when the bout was getting waived off and called a no contest will haunt men around the world for a long time: “We just got informed by Mirko Cro Cop’s corner that his right testicle is inside.”

Ugh.  That was me involuntarily shuddering.  Let’s pretend that when Rutten said Cro Cop’s testicle was “inside,” what he meant was “still inside his scrotum, just like it should be, and nothing is wrong whatsoever LA LA LA I can’t hear you!”

[Fight video here]

Here's a nice video.  A skateboarder hits his groin on a metal bar, leading to a face plant in which the concrete gives him the "sandpaper treatment."  The slo-mo is especially gratifying.  Then he's all, "Dude, I didn't realize my face is totally bleeding."

If this stuff ever stops giving me pleasure, go ahead and put me in the ground.  Not enjoying skateboarders' idiocy is no way to live life.

(thanks to Doug)