Auburn Tree Poisoner Speaks, Realizes Entire Life Has Been Stupid

Written by Brandon Stroud / 04.22.11

Auburn's sad toilet paper poison trees

Harvey Updyke, the man accused of poisoning the historic oak trees at Toomer’s Corner in Auburn (you know, the trees normal, ecologically-minded people cover in toilet paper to celebrate football victories) has spoken out, saying he expects to go to jail. He also made a Charlie Sheen joke, because the Internet has taught us to communicate like monsters.

“This is not a Charlie Sheen stunt,” he said. “I’m not winning. I’m losing.”

Talk about having Auburn Tigers Blood! Derp derp!

In case you haven’t been following this, the most important thing happening in our world today, an old man from Alabama responded to the loss of the 2010 Iron Bowl by committing ecoterrorism and adding a curse word to his favorite school’s catchphrase, sort of in that Michael Cole way where the cuss doesn’t really fit (“Roll Damn Tide.”) The trees are very important to Auburn students, because when you’re in college you care about sh:t like this.

Read the rest of this entry »

19 Comments TAGS: , , , , , , ,

Charlie Sheen Has Cursed The Tigers

Written by Ashley Burns / 04.04.11

Charlie Sheen debuted his live comedy show, “Violent Torpedo of Truth”, on Saturday night at Detroit’s Fox Theatre and by 10 p.m. ET Twitter started heating up with rumors that the celebrity downward spiral du jour was being booed mercilessly by the crowd. Yesterday morning, video clips hit YouTube and news blogs and articles were everywhere, describing everything from his remarkably disorganized performance to him insulting fans. So why then, my lovely With Leatherians, is this being mentioned on a sports blog? Because Charlie was wearing a Detroit Tigers jersey and that’s all I need to justify talking about it.

You can read a collection of quotes about how horrible Torpedo of Truth was over at Buzzfeed, but for the sake of keeping a sports theme, Sheen’s “stand-up” performance was so bad that Matt Millen gave it a 10-year contract. Detroit hasn’t seen this big of a waste of money since Charlie Villanueva signed his contract. Sheen was so much of an incoherent mess that Miguel Cabrera felt his pain. The crowd turned against Sheen so quickly that Vladimir Konstantinov ordered him a limo. Sheen’s act was so terrible that the audience begged Rich Rodriguez to replace him. Sheen’s comedy was so offensive that Fox Theatre management brought in Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson to calm people down.

And I’m spent. Video below, trolls.

Read the rest of this entry »

3 Comments TAGS: , , , , ,

Partnered With

Sign Up

Follow Us