Indianapolis is your new swordfight murder capital of the world. Because there actually was one. Two, actually. From The Indy Channel:

A man died Monday, days after he was stabbed in a swordfight with the grandson of a woman who was also fatally stabbed when she tried to intervene in the fight, police said.

Adolf Stegbauer, 69, died from complications of a stab wound, Indianapolis police said. Charges that were already pending against the man who police said stabbed Stegbauer, Chris Rondeau, 39, were expected to be upgraded.

But wait, this might be my favorite paragraph of the week. Emphasis added:

Rondeau and Adolf Stegbauer got into an argument at a home in the 5200 block of Raceway Road that escalated when one of the men grabbed a sword, prompting the other man to also brandish a sword.

DOST THOU DECLARE A FORMAL CHALLENGE! I ACCEPT THEE! EN GARDE! I had no idea that Indianapolis was still entrenched in feudalism. I wonder if Rondeau will do any time in the stockades…and that’s about all the medieval history I can remember. (Thanks, Upstate Underdog)

The Houston Chronicle has a short profile of Matti Leshem, the commissioner of the USA Rock Paper Scissors League, in advance of the organization's national championship this weekend in Vegas. Besides the shocking revelation that he relates his experiences playing the game in Star Wars metaphors, Leshem says peak physical conditioning is the key to triumphing in the nerd-a-minute world of RPS. Actually, it's just constantly throwing rock. Good ol' rock, nothing beats that.

"Certainly being physically fit makes a big difference. I am very serious about my physical training for Rock Paper Scissors," Leshem said, although the most strenuous activity the game requires is for a player to show his hands.

Well, that's a little more editorializing than I like to see in a news feature, Mrs. Lana Berkowitz. Actually, the most strenuous aspect of RPS is dragging your sorry ass out of bed in the morning when you're only known to the world as a champion of schoolyard games. Let me tell you, being the top foursquare player in the world is a heavy crown to bear.