I was a fucking stupid 17-year-old. I had a great GPA and a good SAT score, and I decided to go to Northwestern. I based this decision off of things like the US News & World Report's college rankings and buildings with ivy on them. What I should have taken into account was the fact that I needed a parka for most of the school year in a town that was the heart of the temperance movement in the early 20th century.

I should have gone to UCLA. As LAist documents in a delightful photo essay, the students there have a midnight "Undie Run" on the third day of finals week.

Just look at those kids. So stressed out from all the studying. Seriously, Northwestern: Stop asking me for money.

The ACC, as always, has the advantage two days into the Big 10/ACC Challenge. I'm not really sure how to cover five games I didn't watch last night, but rest assured that the ACC won three of them, which has to be considered a pretty solid night for the Big 10, which is too bad. The Atlantic Coast has all sorts of things going for it, like beaches and cities. The Big 10 is pretty much the best thing about the Midwest, except for Chicago and the excellent gas mileage the lack of hills provides.

One of the wins last night for the Big 10: Northwestern over Miami. As many of you know, Northwestern has turned out such luminaries as the handsomest sports blogger in the world, Dan Shanoff, SI's Stew Mandel, and (rumored) a hot girl sometime last decade. Miami's alumni include Michael Irvin, 15% of everyone in the NFL, and wealthy South Beach girls with boob jobs. Northwestern's students face ice and snow half the school year; the U's student body is perpetually tan.

In other words, this is the first time in the history of everything that Northwestern has bested Miami at anything. Well, besides SAT scores. As if those mattered. If I had my choice between a girl who can read and Miami's Glam Rock Bikini Fashion Show (pictured)… ummm, I'm not even going to finish that sentence.

Look, I don't pay enough attention to college football. I know this. About all I know is that Ohio State is #1, Michigan is #2, and USC's cheerleaders look great in those white sweaters.

However, as a Northwestern alumnus — even one as apathetic as myself — I would be remiss to not mention Northwestern's 41-38 loss to Michigan State, a game in which the Wildcats blew a 38-3 third quarter lead, the largest collapse in NCAA history. Some people are calling it the "greatest comeback ever," but I don't think you can call it that when Norhwestern's involved. Let's just label it the biggest numerical comeback in I-A history and call it good.

Anyway, great job, Northwestern. Nice homecoming game. If I actually cared about the team, I'd be apoplectic. As it is: meh. We've still got women's lacrosse, right?

P.S. Stop asking me for money.

Note: For those of you who might be worried that I have some journalism credibility because I went to Northwestern, fear not: I graduated from the adequate College of Arts and Sciences, not the highly esteemed Medill School of Journalism.