According to something known as the “news”, Kenneth Bae is a 44-year old Korean-American who was arrested in North Korea and sentenced to 15 years of hard labor for “hostile acts” against the country. Of course, nobody but Kim Jong-Un and his super happy government officials know what those hostile acts consisted of, as Bae was in the country with some Chinese businessmen. Needless to say, Americans are very concerned for Bae’s well-being, and many people are hoping that someone like Bill Clinton or Jimmy Carter can work some magic like they have in the past.

Alas, North Korea officials have stated that they would not allow Bae to become a political bargaining chip as other prisoners of the state have been in the past. Fortunately, the U.S. has a secret weapon that may help in this case. No, it’s not one of thousands of missiles that could smear Kim Jong-Un’s ass from Onsong to Haeju. This weapon is smarter, stronger, faster and sometimes dressed like a woman. It’s Dennis Rodman.

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As a resident of Austin, Texas, I’m on supreme leader of North Korea Kim Jong-un’s “show America what’s up by firing missles at them” list. I’m still not 100% sure why. Washington, Los Angeles, Austin. But hey, I haven’t been missile attacked since I heard the news, so I assume I got away with my treasonous whatevers or was at least outside of the blast radius.

Now here comes College Humor with their The Adventures of Kim Jong-un animated series to ensure that the entire INTERNET gets threatened attacked, and they roped me into it by peppering an episode with Space Jam jokes. Just when I think I’m out, College Humor, you pull me back in.

I present to you now supreme leader Kim Jong-un, Yao Ming, Dennis “Denzel” Rodman and Lola Bunny (no, seriously) in The Adventures of Kim Jong-un. Watch at your own risk.

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While details of NBA legend Dennis Rodman’s recent trip to North Korea are mostly unknown and limited to quotes like “Kim Jong Un is just a kid” and “He’s a good guy” and “Please don’t hate me”, it seems that the 5-time NBA Champion still wants to put big ol’ media jerks like George Snuffleupagus in their places. As soon as Rodman wraps up this next lap dance, he’s heading back to North Korea in six months to broker peace on behalf of the United States. That is, if North Korea is still on the map by then.

But as much fun as it is to feel bad for a totally unprepared Rodman for being thrust into the political conversation like this, it’s important to remember that he’s not the first athlete to have taken a journey into the unknown. Back in 1995, the WCW and New Japan Pro Wrestling hosted “Collision in Korea” in my favorite city to pronounce, Pyongyang, and Ric Flair recalled that strange experience this week with WCNC in Charlotte.

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Our beloved and glorious forefather Matt Ufford recently broke down Dennis Rodman and his recent visit to North Korea and the asinine interview that the NBA legend gave to talking bobblehead George Snuffleupagus upon his return. It’s a great read, so read it if you haven’t already.

Rodman’s a strange dude and he’s going to do strange things. He has no business talking about politics, so if you’re a dude with a news talk show and you think that you’re going to score imaginary journalism points by asking Rodman hard-hitting questions and humiliating a 51-year old professional DJ on TV, you’re wrong. You’re an a-hole and you’re wrong.

News talk shows are horrible and they’re destroying the world by making people dumber. I have nothing else to add.

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“Let’s go, black giant!”

Warming Glow’s SNL recap included a clip of Jay Pharoah and Bobby Moynihan doing Dennis Rodman and Kim Jong-un (respectively, in the most unnecessary use of “respectively” ever) on Weekend Update. All they said was that they missed the weird, 90s Rodman that wore spaceship sunglasses and stuck his tongue into things. Hopefully they’ll have a similar reaction 10 years from now when somebody’s doing a Bobby Moynihan impression, so they can say, “I miss this Bobby Moynihan” and share a GIF of him pantslessly eating from a honey pot.

I’m way happier with Jay Pharoah playing all the black athletes than Kenan Thompson doing it, because at least he puts some effort into it, whether we need a 100% accurate impression or not. It’s a hell of a lot better than Kenan playing everybody with his Pierre Escargot voice. “I AM DENNIS RODMAN, THE WORM” and then he just looks at the camera.

Anyway, here’s the clip, if you missed it:

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One of the early stories of the 2012 Summer Olympics in London has been North Korea’s refusal to participate until England stops calling them South Koreans. After today’s archery ranking round, maybe being South Korean won’t sound as bad.

Simultaneously bringing to life the dreams of The Hunger Games, The Avengers and Brave fanboys and girls across the Internet, South Korea’s Im Dong-hyun broke his own 72-arrow world record with a score of 699. His team followed his lead, breaking the team world record, scoring a combined 2,087. South Korea won the gold at the 2004 and 2008 games, and if this (and that scene in Best Of The Best where South Korean national teams train by shirtlessly chopping trees in the snow) is any indication, 2012 will be more of the same.

The best part? Im Dong-hyun can’t even see what he’s shooting at.

The Korean, who suffers from strong myopia and just aims at a “blob of yellow color” in the center of the target 70 meters away, was happy to be at the top of the ranking round but was not about to get carried away.

“It’s just the first round so I won’t get too excited about it,” he said.

Im’s team mate Kim [Bub-min] would also have broke the record after shooting 698, while the third member of the team Oh finished with 690.

Who gets to face off with the new World Record holder in round one? Why, Emanuele Guidi of San Marino, of course, ranked 64th in the world. Good luck with that, San Man.

[via Reuters, h/t to Yahoo Sports]