Previous reasons to say f**k “Kellan Lutz” include:

1. His role as Emmett Cullen in Twilight
2. His role as Emmett Cullen in The Twilight Saga: New Moon
3. His role as Emmett Cullen in The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
4. His role as Emmett Cullen in The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Parts I, II, and IIb
5. His role as Indistinguishable Muscular Hunk on the least cared about show on television, other

That’s his entire filmography. Well, that and Lax Bros: The Movie. Anyway, you probably haven’t read this far, but that’s him in the above image standing beside Kate Upton and Kate Upton’s nipples. If you click it it gets bigger. The bigger image is courtesy of The Superficial and/or what I’m imagining in secret whenever Twilight is on.

As if a person who is not me Burnsy? you standing next to a braless Kate Upton isn’t enough, it gets worse: this is a candid taken during a commercial shoot for Kellan Lutz’s clothing line, Abbott +. No, I don’t know why Kellan Lutz has a clothing line. I don’t know why his clothing line has a plus sign in it, either. I would’ve called it “Clothez”.

Unfortunately, people snapping candids at Kellan Lutz commercial shoots are only concerned with Kellan Lutz, so all the photos are of him just sorta smiling in sunglasses while Kate stands around in the partial background. We will, of course, update with photos and video as it develops. If they made her change clothes, so help me God.

Additionally:

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Here at With Leather, we like to honor all walks of sport, and nobody conceives, executes or dissemenates competition like the wonderfully insane minds running Japanese television. When you think about the Allied Occupation of Japan after World War II, where staples of Americana like liberal democracy, individualism and even baseball, it’s almost like Japan represents what America could have been in some parallel universe. Think about that; we could have been Japan. I can’t process all of the feelings I get from realizing that.

Now think about the fact that you–yes, you!–could have been the guy with pins clipped to your nostrils, lips or nipples as you tried valiantly to pull the bikini top off a Japanese girl (one with a really flat ass, by the way, but who’s complaining). Live vicariously after the jump if you dare. It’s as if they as a people decided to embrace what was great about Western civilization and just discard all of that puritan bullsh-t that guilt-trips so many people into perpetual misery. Don’t ever change, Japan. Let your nipple-pointed star burn brightly for years to come. Read the rest of this entry »

Vanity Fair had a shirtless Tiger Woods on their February cover, and it’s impressively bizarre. I didn’t know that the Mayor of Cablinasia kept his nipples so damn hairy. Good heavens, dude. A little man-scaping never killed anyone. Not without a straight razor, anyway.

Also, there’s an article in there about Tiger from none other than H. G. “Buzz” Bissenger, that one guy who wrote that one book that they turned into a Billy Bob Thorton movie, and then later a TV show. He basically paints Tiger Woods as some kind of robot that likes to tell black jokes. Why do African-American parents put Velcro on the ceiling? And then the gay fireman turned around and said, “This IS CPR!” They’re still working the bugs out. –Vanity Fair, via everyone.