Now that we’re in the summer’s sports lull – albeit a shortened lull, thanks to the Summer Olympics – people need to find whatever they can to complain about. For instance, I just started work on my first book, “Call Me Tired: One Man’s Plea To End Carly Rae Jepsen Parodies”, due out in paperback by September 2019. But it appears that the rest of the Internet is focusing its rage on Nike for the above t-shirt that it released for women, as a way to celebrate how awesome America’s female athletes were at the Olympics.

In case you missed the emasculating statistic, American women accounted for 58 of the country’s 104 overall medals and 29 of the 46 overall gold medals. Hence, gold digging. However, thanks to our society’s warming embrace of old, wealthy men marrying young, attractive women, this shirt is apparently a negative thing. Gee, I hope ABC News’ source of anger is well-qualified…

“Sort of undermines the strong woman image Nike has spent $$ to market,” said one Twitter user.

Coming tomorrow: My YouTube commenter breakdown of Nike’s “Gold Digging” commercial. (I really wish that existed.)

“Whoever thought a Nike t’shirt emblazoned with ‘GOLD DIGGING’ was a fitting tribute to female Olympians shuld be fired,” said another.

Why? Are all of the U.S. women’s athletes sleeping with billionaires and going on lavish shopping sprees before re-boarding their private helicopters and flying back to their yachts in St. Tropez? Because if they’re not, I think it’s a pretty clever play on words. But what the hell do I know?

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From the earliest planning stages of the 2012 Summer Olympics, one of the (surprisingly and needlessly) biggest stories was about the involvement of McDonald’s with the fast food chain’s creation of its largest store yet, right in the heart of London’s Olympic Village. It turns out that McDonald’s – like most major sponsors of the 2012 games – had a relative stranglehold on the food market, as only Grimace and Co. were allowed to sell French fries.

What happens, then, when you pit a global celebration of the greatest young athletes from every country against the financial dominance of high calories and pink meat paste? According to a vague, poorly-written article, obesity will always find a way to triumph over exercise.

Ans as the BBC drew in record viewers for the Games, the capital shunned exercise regimes and instead indulged in the fun of the Olympics with extra snacks and alcohol in front of the T.V. leading to a whopping 18.9m stone weight gain across the UK.

And Londeners were the biggest snacking offenders with an average weight gain of 5.2 lbs. (Via The Daily Mail)

Great, people are blaming their weight gain on their own decision to sit on the couch and eat as if someone held a gun to their heads and forced them to watch the events, instead of getting up and walking around. I’m so sick and tired of this kind of lazy blame-shifting. If only we had someone with the right attitude to inspire us.

Perhaps there’s a certain 12-year old from America’s London who wants to once again help us find our greatness.

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Presumably running from the hatred of the Internet.

I’d be hard-pressed to argue with anyone who claims that Nike consistently produces the best TV commercials. In an era of Shannen Doherty pitching online educations and sh*t-grinned cock rockers singing about credit report scams, it’s hard for any company with unlimited wealth to not hire the best minds in advertising and put together entertaining ads. But thanks to those Education Connection atrocities and Certain Dri’s random sweaty girls, almost every Nike ad comes across as Citizen Kane.

The latest Swoosh campaign is called “Find Your Greatness” and the commercial that has everyone buzzing features a 12-year old boy named Nathan, who lives in London, Ohio. Nathan is an overweight American kid, but Nike wants you to know – thanks to a beautiful narrative by Tom Hardy – that he’s seeking his own greatness. Basically, he’s strapped on his Nikes and is hitting the road to shed those pounds and be better than everyone else.

People mostly LOVE this commercial. As a once fat 12-year old, I think it’s awesome, too. Granted, most Nike ads make me laugh because they come across like that scene in What Women Want, but if they inspire people, then bless ‘em. Unfortunately, they inspired people to do a little more than just go out and run. Some of YouTube’s finest commenters have been giving their fingers one hell of a workout, too.

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Charles Hubbard claims to be a spiritual man, called upon by the great Creator to use his “Spiritual gifts for His glory” but he’s smart enough to know that in this age of the Internet and social media, you need to hitch your wagon to something that really pulls. So of course Hubbard has created a website that openly criticizes New York Jets backup quarterback Tim Tebow and St. Louis Rams QB Sam Bradford for their endorsements of Nike.

Why is this such a big deal to Hubbard? Because Nike is the Greek goddess of Victory and these heathens are promoting this Pagan worship to all corners of the globe.

There is a demonic presence with Nike and a temptation that many Christians and non-Christians find hard to resist… some even plead their case to wear Nike… even though it honors the goddess Nike of Paganism… a false religion clearly opposing the One True God and the truth of Christianity.

Because it is demonic… it encourages evil like hero-worship, arrogance, obsession, detestable idolatry and even sex.

These evil messages can be seen repeatedly in Nike advertising.

He’s got a point, because right before I tee off with my Nike driver, I pray to any god that will listen for my ball to not fly through a window. Hubbard claims that he has been carrying this torch – specifically against Bradford, as he might be a Rams fan – for quite some time, and that God has been guiding him in this quest to promote and achieve universal goodness.

Oh, it should probably also be noted that Hubbard owns his own sportswear business and this is just his own way of using his religion and Tebow’s faith to boost web traffic and sales.

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Yeah, I know those aren't LeBron 9's but I wear flip flops 24/7 so deal with it.

It was announced on Saturday that Miami Heat forward LeBron James was awarded MVP for the third time in his career, after leading his team to a 46-20 regular season record and the No. 2 seed in the East. James averaged 27.1 points per game this season, while his “Big 3” cohorts Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh averaged 22.1 and 18 ppg, respectively. Sure, it’s like saying that James was the fastest of the Ferraris, but it’s hard to argue that he doesn’t once again deserve the NBA’s ultimate individual honor.

For his hard work, James’ other “employer”, Nike, has also awarded him with this special new pair of LeBron 9’s that he wore yesterday in the Heat’s 95-86 victory over the Indiana Pacers…

Of the shoes, a Nike spokesperson said that they’re a reward for the company’s “Employee of the Year” – a shame, because I thought for sure that would go to LeBron’s douchebag yes-man and sideways peace sign giver, Jason Petrie. I’ll admit, though, it would be pretty cool to know that you’re the only person on Earth who has a specific pair of shoes that were designed solely for you because of an incredible accomplishment. You know, if that were true.

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LeBron James with Jason Petrie (R) making Kenan Thompson seem awesome.

On Saturday, Chicago Bulls fans watched in horror as Derrick Rose’s struggles to remain healthy this season came to the worst case scenario conclusion, when his knee buckled on a play late in the 4th quarter, resulting in a torn ACL. A lot of people asked the question: “Why the hell was he still in with a 12-point lead and very little time left?” But mostly the answer just came in tears. Even I couldn’t help but feel bad and try to cheer Rose up a little.

Alas, this is competitive sports – a world of us-against-them, heroes and villains and people who just don’t have much common sense. For instance, Nike shoe designer and #TeamLeBron yes-man Jason Petrie watched Rose’s injury take place and his reaction was that Tweet you see above. In this case, Pooh is Rose and Petrie is somehow insinuating that the brand that you rep determines whether or not you’ll suffer a serious injury.

Petrie, though, as most people in certain jobs that could be affected by asinine comments like this often do, later apologized in the most sincere way imaginable.

Adding: “Yo, but 4 reelz y’all, D-Rose need-a comeback in dem new Nikes, cuz Adidas gon giv him MLS.”

Petrie obviously apologized once half the Internet wrote about his insult yesterday, and it was probably after he received a memo from Nike on showing a little more tact on social media. His Tweets are sent from a personal account, which he chooses to use to promote the Nike brand, and most notably plant his lips on James’ billionaire butt, though we can’t really blame him for being a feeder fish with a sweet gig.

As far as James, none of this should really fall on him, but hopefully the remarkable PR effort he’s made this season has taught him to shove one of Petrie’s own fresh designs up his ass for this one.