We can say what we want (and we usually do) about Jason Whitlock, but no one can say he doesn’t have a sense of humor about himself. Case in point, the above photoshop inserting Whitlock’s head on some image from ESPN The Magazine’s “Body Issue” isn’t the work of some blogger trying to make fun of Whitlock, it is the image attached to his most recent column, “The truth is sexy…and so are NFL truths.”

Some of you may recall that Whitlock has either condoned (or possibly suggested) such image-related shenanigans before, when a smiling Whitlock was seen perversely peering through a keyhole at Erin Andrews that was used as the image for a column where he suggested that big time, mainstream sportswriters were jealous of Erin Andrews and proceeded to take vitriolic potshots at some of his colleagues, from Mike Lupica to Jay Mariotti. Whitlock has even softened his stance on one of his favorite targets, ham-fisted bloggers (if bloggers were ham-fisted, would Whitlock eat them? Huh), appearing on The Dan Patrick Show with Will Leitch and A.J. Daulerio.

Nevertheless, the above image is as disturbing as it is hilarious. The portly scribe has never looked better. Or worse. But either way, as long as he continues taking shots at arrogant, self-righteous windbags like Lupica and keeps bringing the self-deprecating humor about his weight and appearance, I’m willing to give him a pass - for now.

To be honest, I’m not sure what is more terrifying: the thought of Whitlock appearing partially-nude in “The Body Issue” (as opposed to his bulbous head getting photoshopped on top of Adrian Peterson’s body) or picturing Whitlock and Serena Williams comparing the size of their asses. Chilling.

Those last place New York Yankees are turning to the storied tradition of nutty baseball superstitions to right the ship in what's looking like an ever more moribund season. Rummaging through his armoir filled with needles anddead strippers, Jason Giambi found just the answer: gold thongs for all. Okay, gold thongs for one, but it can be a communal thing. Less gay that way.

The Yankee slugger revealed Friday he slips on a gold lamé thong with a flame-line waistband when he's trying to get out of a hitting slump - and he's shared it with his teammates.

Posada added that "a lot of players have worn it," but he didn't name names. Asked if the thong got washed between wearings, he gave a cringe-worthy answer. "Ask Jason," said Posada. "Jason is a little strange."

Actually, Giambi does wash them, which strikes an odd note with Posada. You too good for his treadmarks, Giambino?  

The Yankees also dropped the two games that didn't get rained out over the weekend to the Mets, so the thong might have lost its magic. Only one way to be sure: Yukon Cornelius needs a quick lick. He'll suss out some fake gold in a snap. 

The people at NBX are some sick, sick puppies. Twisted, demented, hellbound souls. I watched this video and my core body temperature dropped three degrees. I'm presently wrapped in several blankets, twitching and haphazardly tapping at my keyboard in between dry heaves.

Why?

Well, have you ever imagined if the cooters of Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, and Lindsay Lohan discussed the merits of NFL quarterbacks? Me neither… until now. (This video is technically safe for for work, but scarring nonetheless.)

Hey, I'm actually getting kind of hungry. Who's up for some tuna hot pockets? 

(Link to the .swf file here)

I can barely even write about this because I keep shuddering involuntarily, but here goes: a high school football player in Wisconsin named Jake Asp almost missed part of his season because he had a beetle lodged in his ear. For real: 

"Someone said I could have popped my ear drum," Asp said. "…But when I got to the [clinic], they took a look in there and saw it, and I was like, 'What the heck? How did I get a bug in my ear?'"

Asp could hear it, and it nearly drove him nuts. "It was digging and biting into my eardrum," he said. "That went on for, like, 15 minutes. I could hear it — a whole bunch of loud popping noises. It hurt pretty bad."

Asp eventually went into surgery after his ear started filling up with blood.

Okay, deep breaths. I'm a pretty tough dude. I invaded Iraq in a tank and killed some people and generally wasn't too afraid, then because I'm such a hardass I got my own sports blog. But this… fuuuuuuuuck. No chance I'm sleeping tonight. Hey, YOU try watching The Wrath of Khan when you're five years old and see if you don't have nightmares about bugs in your ears for the rest of your childhood.