Nick Saban doesn’t want aspiring sports agents playing headgames with college football players. That’s his job. Saban was quoted in a press conference yesterday on the subject of sports agents encroaching on college athletics, spouting, “How are they any better than a pimp?” Predicate-verb disagreement notwithstanding, Saban has made his point.

It’s not uncommon for an aspiring agent to peruse the college ranks for fresh talent to represent at the next level. In fact, it’s almost mandatory for getting one’s foot in the door. Unproven agents start with unproven clients and, hopefully, work their way up the food chain to regular starters, All-Pros and Super Bowl champions. Most of them act ethically. It’s like any other business, but try telling that to the NCAA. Read the rest of this entry »

Somebody once chiseled on stone something about not worshipping false idols, but they never laid eyes on Tim Tebow’s chiseled abs. And because of his outright awesomeness, the University of Florida’s Athletic Association has approved the construction of a bronze statue of the Gators quarterback to be placed outside of Ben Hill Griffin Stadium for the start of the 2011 season. They’re also building statues for two other guys – Stu Spuzzier and Donny Wuffles, or something like that. Doesn’t matter.

Private donations of approximately $550,000 will take care of the costs for all three statues that the athletic association commissioned to honor Florida’s three Heisman Trophy winners. Gators coach Urban Meyer is also petitioning for a memorial wall constructed from fine Italian marble to honor the hard work of the 29 players who have been arrested since his arrival in Gainesville. As for funding his project, Meyer said, “Oh, we’ll take care of it.”

Pass the collection plate my way, Orlando Sentinel:

Associate Athletics Director Greg McGarity said UF wanted to show its pride in having three Heisman winners – Spurrier (1966), Wuerffel (1996) and Tebow (2007).

“Construction can’t be this fall, so some time after the new year starts we can get the three honorees together,” McGarity said.

The statues for Tebow, Steve Spurrier and Danny Wuerffel will join Florida State’s Bobby Bowden statue at Doak Campbell Stadium as the ultimate honor in college football. Bowden’s statue – a famous image of the coach extending his finger – was created and unveiled in 2004, and has been pointing in the wrong direction ever since.

Alabama will also unveil their statue for coach Nick Saban at Bryant-Denny Stadium in August, after having it commissioned in January. Saban’s statue will commemorate his first NCAA Championship victory with the Crimson Tide. Saban initially wished to have the statue unveiled at Sun Life Stadium in Miami, only to later move it to Tuscaloosa.

Tim and Hannah Witt, a happily married couple who may or may not be cousins, named their first son Tyde. Because they're fans of the Alabama Crimson Tide, you see. I know, I know: clever. So when Hannah got pregnant with another son, they decided to keep the theme going:

As early as mid-January, the Witts knew their second child was a boy, and they knew his name would be Saban.

That's right, Saban Hardin Witt… is named after Alabama head football coach Nick Saban.

They realize that this kid is named Saban for his entire life, right? He has yet to coach a team longer than five years. Right now the list of jilted former organizations that now despise Nick Saban includes the University of Toledo, Michigan State, LSU, and the Miami Dolphins. But apparently Tim and Hannah are okay with the notion of Nick Saban not being the next Bear Bryant.

"We'll tell our son he was named after one of the highest paid coaches in college football," the father said.

Holy shit, he said that without any irony. They grow 'em extra stupid down there. Maybe this Saban kid can form a support group with some older kids named Neuheisel and Barnett. 

(Story via Every Day Should Be Saturday) 

Well, it's finally official: Nick Saban is taking his mercenary coaching awesomeness to Alabama, where anything less national championships and unbridled spectaculosity will be seen as a failure. Not that he really needs to care. He has an eight-year contract worth a fully-guaranteed $32 million. Not even Matt Millen has that kind of job security.

The ESPN story has a fun little side panel on all the quotes Saban gave during the Dolphins' season to allay their worries that their coach might leave. Some of my favorites:

Dec. 21: "I guess I have to say it. I'm not going to be the Alabama coach."

Dec. 27: "I'm not going to comment on it five years from now, and I'm not going to comment on it next week."

And before you say Saban's a liar, it is now next week, and he technically hasn't commented on it. So there.

Anyway, it looks like the boys at Every Day Should Be Saturday need to update their T-shirt shop. Apparently it takes $4 million a year plus up to $800K a year in bowl incentives to coach your legendary football team. And, presumably, high-class hookers.